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Ann Leary

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Hoarder Culture

Posted: 08/27/09 02:37 PM ET

They've found another one. It's been all over the news. They keep showing footage of her standing in front of what seems to be an ordinary suburban home, but when the front door opens, her awful secret is revealed. This sweet, innocent-looking granny hasn't seen fit to throw anything out since the Nixon administration. She's a hoarder and her grown-up children have ratted her out. It's a disease, they say on the morning news, on CNN, on CNBC -- a disease that creates chaos for those around the hoarder. How did her life get so out of control? To find out, I'm told, tune into Oprah (or Dr. Phil) later today.

News about hoarding used to be a wake-up call for me and I'd spend the next several days trying to unearth my office from years worth of old manuscripts, bills, wrapping paper, empty hamster cages, sports bras, Easter baskets, dog bones, waffle irons, soccer cleats and magazines. Oh, and catalogs. Hundreds and hundreds of catalogs. Now, I'm so far gone that when I see a fellow hoarder being carted off, my eyes dart from side to side and my heart races. Is that a car I hear pulling up outside? A news van? Oprah's limousine? I envision myself being led outside to a waiting team of behavioral psychologists, while men in haz-mat suits and gas masks bravely enter my home.

I'm really not as bad as the people who end up on Oprah, but I'm getting there. I have children and sometimes they have friends over. Sometimes these friends have parents who pick them up and stop in to chat. I can't bear the shame of a messy home, so I do the only sensible thing. When I learn that somebody is about to arrive at my house, I run around grabbing newspapers off the floors, cable bills out of the sink, dog bones off the sofa, socks and sports bras off the kitchen table and I toss them into the only downstairs room with a door -- my office. Then I close the door. When the person arrives, they see a relatively tidy home. I'll sort out my office later, I tell myself. And the years go by.

I have sought help. I've watched the Oprah episodes, I've even watched home-improvement shows devoted to cleaning your home and organizing your life, but the extent to which they try to simplify the whole problem is absurd. The solution, according to the experts, is to throw stuff out. "Throw out all the catalogs, more are coming," said some house-organizing nut on one of these shows.

Right, and never find that set of barbecue tools with the industrial-sized tongs I saw in one of them, three years ago. Get real. I must have those tongs! I'll never find them if I throw away the old catalogs.

Last year my daughter was about to get her first driver's license. In order to do so, she needed to show her birth certificate. Her birth certificate was in the office... Someplace. So, one rainy afternoon, I decided to just get it over with. I would clean the office. Five hours later, though I was not even halfway through the pile next to my desk, there were five contractor sized garbage bags filled with junk in my front hall and I had learned the following:

A) I have ADD 



B) The accumulated stuff was crazily organized by stratum. It was like an archeological dig. The top layer was all stuff from the current month, the next layer, the previous month, dating back to the turn of this century. It occurred to me that I should leave everything just as it is. When I want to find the title for car, for example, I need only to figure out what month and year we bought it, and then I can instantly thumb through the pile until I reach that date, and there it will be.
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C) I have really bad ADD.

 

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They've found another one. It's been all over the news. They keep showing footage of her standing in front of what seems to be an ordinary suburban home, but when the front door opens, her awful secre...
They've found another one. It's been all over the news. They keep showing footage of her standing in front of what seems to be an ordinary suburban home, but when the front door opens, her awful secre...
 
 
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12:15 AM on 08/28/2009
Hoarding can be a very serious behavioral disorder. There are people out there living in absolute filth and in homes that should be condemned. I happen to be a neat freak because I grew up with a father that wasn't a hoarder, but he saved way too many useless things that he would never use. One way to avoid accumulating too many things is to do what my husband and I do: pretend that you are moving every two years. That way you tend NOT to hold onto that half can of stain or that broken ice cube tray.Your house is probably the biggest financial investment you will ever make in your lifetime. Why on earth would you want to fill it up with garbage and trash it?
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JeanRR
06:55 PM on 08/28/2009
I am married to a hoarder. It has ruined my life.
06:59 PM on 08/27/2009
Hilarious as usual Ann. They second paragraph had me giggling away. You are so excellent at descriptive writing. Did you find her birth certificate? hehehe

I'm not a hoarder, but I have a major clutter problem. I'm incapable of putting things away when I'm done with them, and I also just dump things when I come in the house. It's awful. I have clear floors for the most part, but there isn't a surface in my house that isn't covered. I have a wooden kitchen table at the top of my entry steps, a coffee table, and a kitchen table. All 3 are piled with papers, mail, baskets of papers and mail, newspapers, magazines, books, dvds, cds, an air cast, a can of the spray you use to clean your keyboard out, tv guides, 5 remote controls, a 2007 date book. (Just observing what I can see from the sofa) As I replied to Catherine earlier, I really tried a couple months ago. 'I'm living a neater, cleaner life' became my mantra, I said it throughout the day. I've gone on tears in the past and come up with trash bags full of junk and love having a neat house, but it just doesn't stick.
07:03 PM on 08/27/2009
Ok, as usual, I talked too much, and my comment was too long! So this is the rest of my comment:

Last week I was forced to deal with my junk room (what others would call their spare bedroom). It's my dumping ground, and I wouldn't have room for a bed, even if I had one. I had to have the cable company come, & they were going to have to get in there!!!! ack! I had a weeks notice, thank God, so I worked an hour or two each night. I was able to throw out a lot of stuff, organize most of the rest, and it made me finally gather up the stuff in the corner that I've been accumulating for about 3 years to donate to the thrift store! I'm still taking the thrift store stuff out to the car little by little, and am going Saturday. Every time I walk in the room I think 'Wow, there's so much room in here'! I can actually move my desk in here from the kitchen! Yeah baby!
03:27 PM on 08/27/2009
I can relate to this. In the past 2 weeks I have released 54 boxes/bags of "stuff". I have hidden my messy home from most people. My home is gradually clearing up and I love the new energy in our haven. I still have my "junk room", which I will tackle when the kids start school. I feel so much better for going through this decluttering process. My heart goes out to those hoarders that are being showcased on TV. I could be one of those people if I don't keep letting go of all of this stuff that is really keeping me a prisoner. Just my thoughts.
03:49 PM on 08/27/2009
You're an inspiration Shiny Me. I know what you mean about the "new energy" you feel when you get rid of the old junk, and I want some of that.. Back to work.
02:43 PM on 08/27/2009
"Organized by stratum" - love that. Sounds so much better than, "piles of crap." My feeling on this subject is that if you have clear access to exits, a bathroom and the kitchen, and you can still see the TV from some angle, what's the problem?
06:12 PM on 08/27/2009
I'm thinking this is the Catherine that's my new best friend. You made me laugh/choke again! lolol
I have tons of piles of crap! A couple months ago I started trying to live a 'neater cleaner life'. Didn't last long. I straightened up the living room, kitchen, (didn't have the will to even attempt the junk room) and swore I would not keep putting things in piles. I would put things away where they belong when I was done with them. I'd sort the mail, trash the junk mail, deal with what needed to be dealt with, put all the bills in one basket. HAH! The joke was on me. Place is a sh*t hole again!
11:30 AM on 08/28/2009
Yep, it's me :-)
02:06 PM on 08/27/2009
You are too funny, Ann!.
But that is the case for some of us. I kind of like piles of things and I always know where stuff is. I do organize it, yet, it does not last.
02:05 PM on 08/27/2009
Laughed when I read this, can see too much of me . I recently moved and declutters nine years of the same stuff mentioned. Had bags to toss, to donate to charities and a small save pile. I have vowed to not repeat my past way of living. My daughter calls to remind me that the last time see way over she thought she saw maybe a little to much of something start to build up. I am quick to point out that i try to toss one thing out for every new in. But sometimes that can't happen. There's nothing that you want to get rid of. But you bought something just because you needed that particular new item. It's always harder to justify to others what seems so simple to yourself. At least the paper products are going out as fast they come in. I have found out to keep from becoming a clutter bug and hoarded I need to work at it everyday. So with that said, let me go sort the mail. Um, wonder what new catalogues I have today.????
02:31 PM on 08/27/2009
I have very bad ADD and actually have given up trying to file papers in any sort of order.
I throw everything in a box and mark the date i put it there
So finding things is ......I think that was in Jan 02 or 03
Believe it or not this system really has saved me lots and lots of time
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mlaiuppa
Pres. Sarcasm Society. Like we need your approval.
03:24 AM on 08/28/2009
LOL. That's how I do my taxes. Throw everything in a box marked 2009.