Last week, Bethenny went on a quite a ride. Julie, the 'Coordinator of Chaos,' decided she's going to be moving to Pittsburgh to be closer to her boyfriend -- in three weeks. She revealed to B that she was terrified to leave the job (because of what B might say, or do), but surprisingly the conversation was positive! Hoppy, on the other hand, could not hold back his emotions as his jaw dropped at the words of Julie's resignation. But just because we didn't get to see B dive into a state of panic, I'm pretty sure that once the cameras stopped rolling sh-t hit the fan. Instead of mourning, though, B invited all of her employees to Mexico to reward Julie for all the
slave labor hard work she's put in -- hooray for an awesome executive decision!
While at Drybar getting her signature SkinnyGirl ponytail look, B couldn't sit still. She even got up out of her chair to take a peek mid-ponytail (a major no-no at the salon), but of course she can't help herself. Following her hair fondling, she went to lunch with the SkinnyGirl nutritionist where she grilled him on his sexual encounters with models and discussed "panty dropping" once again. Just an average midday meal, really.
At the antiques shop, B looked over some lavish pieces for her new apartment. She walked around gasping (almost to an embarrassing degree) over a wildly expensive chair, bedside table, and oh so much more. "Am I tacky to be asking prices here," B asked earnestly. It's actually endearing watching her shake nervously over the cost of things.
were threatened volunteered to model the new SkinnyGirl shapewear collection, where Julie sported padded booty shorts (holding Brynn simultaneously) and Jackie showed off her assets. All in all, an eventful apartment gathering.
While getting ready for a Parenting magazine event, B got her arms and legs lotioned up by her employees as she frantically tried to clean out her fridge. Hoppy stayed home with the baby ...
Back at Dr. Armadillo's office, B came clean about her real feelings on Julie's leave. Finally, she broke down in tears about their first time working together and the loyalty Julie had and probably always will have to her. To sum up, she's f-cked.
Quick pause for a "So True" moment: "Saying goodbye is a really valuable thing to do well," said Dr. A. oh so insightfully.
At the end of the day, the girls and B posed in curve-hugging lingerie for a mini photo shoot. B reflected on Julie's clothing choices back in the day, such as beer-pong shirts and college baseball caps. It was quite a touching moment.
And now, here we are. A new day, and a new chance to weigh B's two dysfunctional sides through her aggressive outbursts and hilarious commentary. As far as we know, she's about to go buck-crazy on Jim Beam and crinkle her face into a little ball of fire. Are you ready?
"Can't Get Enough of You" Bethenny
- Still having Julie make millisecond decisions about her life, including her furniture choices. Milk her for all she's worth, B -- no one blames you.
- Comparing her SkinnyGirl cocktails bottle to urine during a conference with the Jim Beam marketing team, and yet still maintaining a professional demeanor. Even when she says, "It looks like pee pee," the room still stares at her like a goddess. That or they're studying B to determine whether she's joking or just a complete nut job. Toss up.
- Tasting different SkinnyGirl margarita flavors and deciding on the best ones. Luckily for the table of people clearly clueless about her dangerous outbursts, B loves the "white cranberry cosmo" option, and wants it bottled immediately.
- Demanding her architecture team fight their own battles with the interior design team instead of relying on her to babysit their problems.
- Praying to a random marble object that everyone on her apartment team makes efficient decisions and, most importantly, peace with each other. Only one person barely questions this behavior.
- Knocking on the door, it's B's very quirky, yet loving former baby nurse, Gina! Not only is B genuinely happy to see her, she even sheds half a tear when Brynn reaches for her old pal.
- Asking Gina about her current love life (note: she is looking for a White, Black or non-gay man), the slimmer figure she's rocking and the insane demands she must be making of her new employer. As if B's one to talk, but whatever.
- Explaining to Gina how Hoppy is going to be taking over part of Julie's responsibilities, and beginning to cry when she realizes Gina was a person she could open up to in her home. Her emotions are semi frightening, but watching a reality star, or any person for that matter, show raw feelings is surprisingly refreshing.
- Tasting the new SkinnyGirl sports drinks and vegan bars, and somehow finding a way to make mention of big balls in her mouth. As per usual, she gets away with seeming totally appropriate and not at all perverted.
- Realizing while chatting with Dr. Armadillo that maybe she can't change to be more like the person Hoppy wants (or needs for that matter) and vice versa. Might just be the first non-hysterical comment she's made in a session with Dr. A. thus far.
- Prepping for a Self magazine cover shoot with a positive attitude wearing lime green heels and a bubble gum pink dress. Owning it.
"Run for Your Life" Bethenny
- Complaining about her insane to-do list, which includes packing for her trip to Mexico, taking care of Brynn and going over apartment furniture details. Only she has assistants to pack for her, a fulltime nanny, and an interior decorator to help her make her furniture decisions.
- Grinning satanically over the fact that her interior designer, Brooke, is having an ulcer when she finds out Julie is leaving -- meaning that B will be her point of contact moving forward.
- Bringing Julie to her SkinnyGirl cocktail meetings with Jim Beam for "Julie's benefit," -- this is no selfless act, and she knows it, too.
- Demanding a launch party in Aspen for her new line of Margarita flavors that are far from even the approval stage. Is it just me, or has her impatience grown stronger in past weeks?
- Turning Carrara white when she hears her design team hasn't sent over finalized furniture information for the apartment to the architecture team. In fact, she's speechless and that's when you know she's reached a new level.
- Hoppy brings B's wedding ring to the jeweler because she wants a new setting. Oh! And also 250 diamonds around the stone. So quickly she's forgotten about the discounted lifestyle she lived less than ten years ago.
-Trying to get Cookie to get up a few steps on her couch, but she's so controlling, Cookie can't help but hide under a chair. She won't even budge when B bribes her with treats.
- Sitting awkwardly on the couch staring down at her notes while Hoppy sits a foot away from her staring down at his phone. Their connection isn't just lost; it seems as dead as her friendship with Jill Zarin.
- Saying to Dr. A. that she feels Hoppy is unlucky to have fallen in love with her because she is "unlovable." It's painful to watch her dig herself deeper into a black hole of self-pity when she has so much love and support around her.
Well, whatdyaknow, Queen B's "Can't Get Enough of You" side triumphed this week as she spoke her mind exceptionally freely at the Jim Beam meeting, caught up with her former lunatic baby nurse and showed her emotions on a level that wasn't terribly frightening. Actually, it was all very real and relatable. As always, there were episodes of insanity not to be forgotten. For starters, her incessant complaining over tasks that many people have to do by themselves, yes - without the help of anybody else at all or the color she turned when she realized her design team was suffering to communicate clearly with each other. That said, B proved her charming self once again, leaving us back at square one. Till next week!
Follow Anna Brand on Twitter: www.twitter.com/thebrandedgirl