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'Bethenny Ever After' Recap: A Sandbox Situation

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Last week, Bethenny Frankel took her managerial duties to a whole new (though not so surprising) level: She insisted her food blogger, Nick, partake in some eyebrow threading, and showed concern disgust when she saw that Julie was essentially living out of a bag stored under her desk. Of course, Bethenny's less neurotic side did make an appearance. After all, she had a fairly normal lunch date with pal Hoda Kotb (minus the wazoo talk) and enjoyed time playing with Bryn at the kid's table at a Hamptons dinner party. As always, B's eccentricities never fail to entertain, one way or another, and this week was no exception.

"Can't Get Enough of You" Bethenny
  • Trying to get in her driver's good graces by complimenting his outfit ... until she calls out his "ink" and "ice," which he probably doesn't like. But all is forgotten when they start to bond over both being "hustlers." Sometimes sacrifices need to be made to guarantee a fun car ride.
  • Admitting to crossing the professional line on many occasions, for the sake of humor. Because B's inappropriate sex jokes with her driver sure did bring them closer, on some level.
  • Affirming the above by revealing details of her lingerie. And surprised when her driver takes it one step further and responds with a vulgar baby wipes comment.
  • Running through the sprinklers with Bryn, because a baby is the perfect excuse to do that past age 10 without judgment.
  • Having a photo booth at her Skinnygirl cocktail party and posing drunk in a sailor hat. As much as B's a kook, she sure is a good time.
  • Reinforcing Hoppy's manhood when he starts to doubt it. Would you look at that. She does have a heart.
  • Going on a private boating trip with Hoppy and realizing that sometimes, not bringing Bryn is a good thing for their relationship. This was obviously hard for B to admit, so props.
  • Something may have broken on the sailboat and B surprisingly keeps a calm face. Though, she won't just leave it at that -- B needs to make sure Hoppy knows to note that she's keeping her temper in check. It's OK, baby steps.
  • Allowing Hoppy a man cave in their new apartment. At least one that's conducive to her roughly three-bedroom-sized walk-in closet. Girl's got shoe needs ... understandable.
  • Taking advantage of a quiet home with Julie by making some strong cocktails for the two of them. Even better, getting the nice decanter out for some makeshift sangria.
  • Not fighting back when Julie puts B in her place about her psychotic work schedule pre-Hoppy and Bryn. We'll let the bulging eye-popping slide. Sidenote: Julie is way more insightful than Dr. Armadillo.

Total: 11

"Run for Your Life" Bethenny
  • Blatantly ignoring Hoppy after he gives her the most adorable hug on fresh-cut Montauk grass and tells her he misses her. Doesn't look like the "second-year of marriage woes" B's been describing, unless we're counting her stone-cold reaction.
  • Screeching over the fact that Hoppy didn't call 9-1-1 after running over potentially diseased raccoons on the highway. The Chance B hasn't run over a human small animal with her suspect driving skills is very unlikely.
  • Saying Hoppy's the one with, "ice in his veins." Too easy.
  • Trying to be a matchmaker for B's business partner and friend. Only she puts Julie's sister, Joanie, on the shelf and leaves Julie in the dust to live forever under her microscopic desk while inhaling Skinnygirl margarita-infused mothballs. Even if Julie is dating someone, messing with a potential sibling rivalry is never a wise move.
  • Bashing Hoppy's "vest, ball-hugging, high-waisted faded jean" style after he notes her questionable all-fuchsia ensemble. Then, freaking out that he made a painful dig at her.
  • Hoppy rightfully noting B's hypocrisy when she describes her former single life as practically shopping around the grocery store, looking for the next best 100-calorie snack pack on a daily basis and saying had he said it, she would have flipped out. And the veins begin to pop ...
  • Hiring a multi-person design team to get the new apartment in perfect shape and already threatening to stab one of them within the first 30 seconds of meeting.
  • Describing her office space as a torture chamber. No one flinches to this news, at least on the outside.
  • Staring with cold-blooded eyes when the designer explains that a six-month job is going to be a struggle with a three-month deadline. Um, hello?
  • Obsessing over the fact that Hoppy's parents let Bryn play in a sandbox, which clearly means Satan is lingering inside her baby now.
  • Listening to Dr. Armadillo shamefully self-promote explain his team-building overnight sailboat trip for married couples, and slowly perspiring from her forehead to her chest.
  • Finally agreeing to talk to Hoppy about it ... in the same way one might agree to a final meal before the death penalty.
  • Getting irritated over the fact that Hoppy isn't all that interested in the overnight trip due to potential seasickness and deciding it's only because he doesn't care about working on their marriage.
  • Having major word-vomit when she says the real issue in her marriage with Hoppy is "not liking each other."
  • Saying the only time Hoppy is real and actually communicates is when they're alone. Guessing she forgot to look around at the camera crew and feel the microphone neatly tucked under her shirt.
  • Laughing in Hoppy's face when he says he's not perfect. Because that's got to be the most infuriating thing a person can do during a fight. And she knows it, too.

Total: 16

There you have it. "Run for Your Life" Bethenny took a stand this week, leaving "Can't Get Enough of You" to recoil into a bottle of half-opened Skinnygirl Margarita. Hoppy really got B's blood boiling with his sensitivity and cute dimples -- tough life -- until she finally snapped with a good 'ole "we don't like each other" comment. Ah, the sweet scent of not-so-newlyweds. This, of course, unfolded a whole mess of insecurities laced with baby Bryn's sandbox demons. We left off with an awkward mess of a fight, and it seems the fun only continues next week with a wildly uncomfortable parked car argument and dramatic "watch me walk away forever" parking lot exit. 'Til then, dear friends. 'Til then.