President and Mrs. Obama met with Queen Elizabeth of Britain yesterday. President Obama is new to office, and this is their first meeting--the first visit between the leaders of two of the world's biggest superpowers. During a huge financial crisis. And what does the media talk about? The fact that Michelle Obama touched the Queen. The Times of London heralded, "Protocol is abandoned as Michelle Obama cozies up to queen," which just goes to show that anything can be sensationalized.
Mrs. Obama has done nothing so very terrible; the queen did reach out to touch her first, after all. I highly doubt Mrs. Obama was aware of making a choice about her action--it's such a natural response when someone puts their arm around you to respond in kind, especially for a photograph. To do otherwise would be considered quite rude in normal circumstances. Whether Mrs. Obama knew beforehand or not that one shouldn't touch the queen, I can't believe that she was deliberately throwing protocol out the window. When such an act was clearly a simple mistake, the queen (not surprisingly) did what was best: to simply move on and not embarrass Mrs. Obama by drawing attention to it.
It is however, a good cautionary tale: Manners are still important. Manners tell us what to do in any given situation. When all goes smoothly, the focus stays where I think it's most important: on the interaction or exchange between two people. Put another way, it lets us do what we're there to do: build or establish a relationship and share good information.
When it doesn't go as planned, the focus goes to why not. In this case, to Mrs. Obama touching the queen when according to British protocol, that's not supposed to happen.
This is also the perfect example of a second important lesson: The best kind of etiquette absorbs the mistakes of others; it doesn't make them feel the error of their ways. Why is that so key? For one thing, it's incredibly gracious, a sign of etiquette in action if ever there was one. For another, it gets us back to where we should have been--building a relationship--in the quickest manner possible. Taking someone to task for a genuine mistake or dismissing them by turning away with a figurative pursed mouth and nose in the air keeps the focus on the mistake, or worse, rejects the relationship. By forgiving the gaffe in the moment and correcting course back to where everyone should have been, you are displaying true respect and consideration for the relationship you have invested in building.
Queen Elizabeth and Michelle Obama are two of the most gracious women on the planet, and I think we can all take a leaf from their respective books: After all, etiquette is about acceptance of others and natural grace.
Not only is it ridiculous, but the Queen did it first (which should be the real story), there's no real rule about it, and Mrs. Obama would have looked silly not doing it back - in fact, it's almost impossible to not do it back.
What's the beef? The issue with the Brits is that Mrs. Obama is not White or Anglo-Saxon or Protestant.
The "special" relation the UK claims to have with the US is essentially that of subserviance by the British. The question should be: "Was it in bad form for the Queen to touch OUR FIRST LADY"?
Hands off Michelle!!
We northern Europeans aren't quite as huggy as you Yanks! As a middle-aged Brit whose watched the Royals over the years I know there is a lot of etiquette, but people are told that if they forget all of it just remember "don't touch the Queen". If she puts her hand out you can shake it but that's it. If the Queen really did make the first move at some sort of hug it would be a first time since she was Queen and big news!
But it's not a big deal is it? And we Brits/Europeans do really love the Obama's. She's amazing and I think BHO was polled at 88% of the vote in Europe (not that we had one!) just before your election.
The Queen did make the first move. She did embrace Michelle first. So any ambiguous claim of
a breach of etiquette has no merit. If you want a headline for the tabloids, it should be " The Queen touches someone for the first time in her life!!"
I didn't doubt that she would have responded to such a gesture from a guest because to do otherwise she would have thought rude. Ah, such weighty matters of state.
And what finishing school did you go to? Read a book on international etiquette before you start chattering about things you don't know anything about. I'm sure the Obama's were not only briefed on proper protocol overseas, but read half a dozen books on the subject before they left, unlike the previous president who couldn't get past reading a comic book.
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It seems that Michelle Obama is a warm, genuine person who put the queen at ease and was accepted as she was without need for a false bridge of protocol. Maybe ''t touch the queen' thing was invented to keep G Bush from trying to give her a shoulder rub.
Compare the U.S. coverage to her "touching the queen" (gasp!) to her speech to those London girls. One is driven by protocols that we rejected 200+ years ago. The other a clear value lesson on how one woman succeeded within a meritocracy. I know which story I pointed out to my kids.
More power to her for keeping the absurd fantasy alive, however decadent and destructive.
Michelle Obama told these girls in an inner-city school that it's cool to be smart, to work hard, and she loved getting her work done and getting A's; that she's where she is because of her education and her own hard work. They're inspired; kids, but girls especially, need to hear more encouragement like this. Your First Lady totally rocks.
Our First Lady rocks indeed. Our media? Not so much.