Round two, people! And this one ends with murder. Well, not quite but let's pretend.
In the lead up to the actual show there's the requisite snippets of what to come. And what's to come is a lot of Mafioso speak with phrases like "Breaking point," "That's a lie," "Oh, f*ck off" and my favorite: "You are angry spice." (Did you notice the sly smile Kyle flashed at Andy after she said that last part? Looking for approval much?)
This second part of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was not such a thrill-fest as the last one. Its weakest point was the talk about what happened after the cameras stopped rolling. A lot about who got invited by whom to what and I just couldn't keep up. Ladies, when stuff happens that I don't see I cant be the omniscient judge of all. When it's on the show, I can call it like I see it. I will play God with you then. Only then.
There were some sly references as to what may go on behind the cameras when they are being filmed. This stuff I'm into. Camille hiding. (Her publicist taught her well.) Kyle saying that someone had told her Brandi was talking smack about Kim. (A producer?) Giggy's sarcastic tweeting that set Taylor off. (Was that a joke? So hard to tell... ) There is so much that goes on that we aren't privy to but boy do I want to know. The ladies seem to let a few things slip now and again which gets my wheels turning.
Brandi was the first one on the hot seat. I like Brandi. I don't like Brandi in that I want to be her friend. I like Brandi in the same way you might like Severus Snape: he's mean but fun to get to know.
Andy immediately introduces her as having "crutches, no bra, one high heel and no filter." That's a pretty amazing list. Drunk yet chic hobo or Brandi Glanville? Brandi. And how great is it when Brandi is LOLing in the corner as her own shenanigans play on the screen? (That S&M bra/top she had on during a confessional was epic and I don't know how I missed it the first time.) When they show scenes of her from the show it seems to me that she's says "bitch" just about as much as Jesse Pinkman on Breaking Bad yet poor Brandi will never win a Golden Globe. I guess there's no justice in this world after all.
Speaking of justice, I do think that Camille and Brandi's friendship is so cute. It's nice to see that these two jilted sad-sack women found each other.
Andy questions Brandi on etiquette as if she's Emily Post... But maybe Brandi is right when she says you've got to "own it and just have to keep on moving." Preach, girl.
Then there's the incident at game night where Kyle and Kim, looking pretty bad, hide Brandi's crutch. Pardon me. Kyle had nothing to do with it. Kyle has turned into a bit of a mean girl this past season. What's up with that, K? Yes, saying that Kim did Crystal Meth was pretty ridiculous (maybe Brandi does belong on Breaking Bad... ) but the girl had a point: Kim went cray-cray.
And Taylor rightly points out that Brandi wasn't entirely blameless. "You said 'I will kill you' two times," Taylor points out. "Well...yeah" says Brandi as if that was the only thing to say. Classic Brandi. "That's a figure of speech," Lisa interjects. Oh Lisa and her "British humor" (as Taylor puts it.)
Andy then launches into one of his fluff pieces that Bravo concocts to ease the tension and pad time. Andy jokes the woman all have "Refinement, Dignity and Class." RDC should be Lisa's new restaurant. He then wants to have his "James Lipton moment" and asks them what they're favorite curse word is. The problem is that when all the ladies say their favorite curse word it's bleeped out so I don't really hear. Not well thought out, Bravo. What is worth my time is hearing Kyle say, "Let's hear Season-One-Camille's favorite" curse word. Points to Kyle.
Things get really going when Taylor and Brandi go at it. This is a bit more like it. I cringe a bit when Brandi talks about running into Russell and talking about the threatening email he sent Camille. Brandi seems the only one who isn't quite ready to let Taylor dictate the narrative of post-Russell suicide. Taylor tells Brandi she "texted my shrink immediately" to prove her point that Russell was erratic. Ay-yi-yi. Taylor please get a shrink that you don't text! Taylor throws it in Brandi's face that she knows Brandi slit Eddie Cibrian's tires. Brandi cops to it immediately. And to top it off she throws in some BS that they both owned the tires. Later, she admits she accidentally texted Kyle saying she was a c*nt. Yeah. SHE'S AMAZING.
Brandi gives it right back to Taylor asking her when her book is going to come out. I have to say I may agree a bit with Brandi here. I like to think that Taylor had bigger fish to fry after her husband killed himself than getting together a book. Again, Camille backs up Brandi when she goes after Taylor. Trying to keep track of these womens' quickly-changing alliances is like trying to understand how WWI started. (And by that, I mean it's kinda hard.)
So then I get my hopes up that Kim may make an appearance. But as Lisa notes Kim's "storyline" is mostly about Kim not being there. Don't you think it's interesting that Lisa uses the word "storyline"? I sure do. And in this segment about Kim and Kyle, Kyle says that she's not quite the enabler she appeared to be on the show. Kyle thought it was a good idea for Kim to be on the show. To focus less on her kids. Uh ok... Going on a reality show isn't quite like picking up a new hobby, Kyle. But I think the truth lies more in the fact that Kyle hoped Kim would clean up her act. I was dying to Andy to bring up the fact that Kim thought she was pregnant. I guess it was too silly for him to even mention. At the end, Brandi clings onto the suggestion that perhaps Kyle was relieved to have someone point out Kim's problems. "Maybe I did help," she suggests. Kyle shoots that down pretty quick. That Brandi and her ideas.
Andy finally calls Camille out on being more "calculating" this season. Um, yeah. "Come on, I know you're going to hang the whole thing on Kelsey cheating on you last season." In the end Camille admits that she was humbled which called to my memory all the times last season Camille droned on about her staff while I dreamt of strangling her.
And at the very end, Andy brings it back to Taylor and Russell's suicide. She says she was abused ever since she became pregnant. Oof. She also says there were bank accounts, offices, documents and flash drives in a suitcase that Russell left behind. She doesn't want to look at what's on the flash drives. I may not be a lawyer but I think she should maybe look at what's on those flash drives...
The show ends brilliantly with the teaser that Taylor thinks that Russell's partner who also committed suicide -- can this get any more twisted? -- may actually have been murdered. And voila! The Housewives reunion turns into a murder mystery party. You have to admit it's a great ending.
Because we all know it's about the little things:
• Lisa defending Brandi's slashing of the tires while fixing her bear of an earring. Those things have to be heavy.
• Kyle being blatantly pissed about the turnaround in Taylor's and Lisa's relationship
• Taylor knows it's painful for people to look at her lips.
• Brandi's creepy hands with Michael Jackson gloves slithering all over Camille's butt in Vegas. (Not new but it never looses it yuck-factor)
• Andy likes Camille's maiden name Donatacci. It's so Mob Wives.