Goldilocks and a Nation of Bears

Last night, as per usual since my pension plan became a 401 no-K at all, I was lying awake considering the possible scenarios for my families future. On the one hand, we could turn our backyard into a coffee plantation, sell our product to neighborhood frugalistas who are still p.c. enough to want to buy locally grown goods, on the other hand, I could cash out what's left of my retirement fund, because I'll never ever be able to afford to stop working in this lifetime? This got me pondering the story of Goldilocks and the three bears. If you recall, Goldy waltzes into the home of the bear family and tries to find something that fits just right. She tastes from each of their porridge bowls, tries out their chairs and beds, until she finds one that's just right and falls into a deep sleep.

Of course, if this story were set in 2009, her parents could locate her through the GPS on her iPhone and the story would be over right after she gets lost in the woods, but this tale takes place in old timey time, so bear (sorry) with me.

There are so many lessons and metaphors you could apply to the state of our nation. Are we the Bears or are we Goldy? Why did the bears leave their home unlocked? And Blondy, why does she allow herself to fall asleep in a strange bed? I'm going to stick with the whole story as a metaphor to our collective reaction to the stimulus plan. According to CNN polls, people support the president but are a bit confused. As if we needed a poll to tell us that? We just don't know what is the right size, and to borrow from the porn industry, which is suffering for the first time since it's inception, size really does matter. 39% of the public thinks the plan calls for the right amount of government intervention, while 39% thinks it's not enough, but the bigger question would really have to be, would any of us average Americans really know?

What I particularly find irksome, is when politicians use my ignorance against me which is what McCain is doing with his twittering about earmarks in the Stimulus Plan. Sure, tattoo removal might sound like a frivolous expense, but a cursory investigation of the issue finds much research that support the premise that removal of gang tattoos leads to better job opportunities. Even in Texas, always at the forefront of progressive movement, a district court judge, has championed this type of program .

As for "Sustainable Las Vegas," this is a solid proposal to create a more environmentally friendly city, a very much needed greening of sin city which sucks up disproportionate amounts of water and power resources in the west. So, it really disturbs me when even Maureen Dowd jumps aboard decrying this "offensive pork". We should really think twice about making instant judgments. Sometimes what smells like bacon is really just smoked tofu.

At the risk of sounding unpopular, I really don't care about the bonuses of bank executives, if they can get things back to some sort of stability. Don't get me wrong, I'm as outraged as anyone at wage inequity and I demand parity, but for me, "just right" would include bonuses for everyone. Am I the only person who heard Obama say, "the days of disappearing on a private jet are over" and got just a little wistful?! Disappearing. Private. Jet. Three magic words that sounded so great. I never once have flown on a corporate jet and now there's nothing to hope for! In the world of lower expectations, I'm just hoping one day they'll pass out free sanitary wipes in the long security line at JFK. Oh, Brave New World that has no perks in it!

Seriously, I am worried. I know that executive compensations have been way out of proportion, but maybe these guys need some kind of incentive to do the work that makes my stocks do O.K. Notice I said, O.K., in these days of lower expectations, I'm not looking for huge percentages, I just want a little growth, and maybe an itty bitty bonus.

I confess, starting out as an actor, I always took home the extra roll of toilet paper home from my trailer or dressing room. I think you could divide people into two categories: those of us who've stuffed a roll in our bag and those who never stole a roll of toilet paper from their employer. I still find myself taking an extra Balance Bar home from a job, when I'm lucky enough to find myself employed in a job that provides meals. I'm not expecting a $1,200 dollar wastepaper basket, but there's just something about getting an extra power bar, that's just so... empowering?

That's where idea of Jubilee is looking good to me.

First of all, its fun to say, you can't say Jubilee without getting happy, but more importantly, we need it. According to Jubilee USA, there have been some measurable positive benefits from the type of Jubilees that the IMF has carried out, in Ghana alone, the forgiveness of their debt has helped fund road repair and we all know we need that here in the US. I drove on the New Jersey Turnpike last week, it was like off-roading on a dirt bike. Jubilee. Bring it on!

Which brings me back to flaxen haired vixen G girl.

Like G-locks , we'd fall into a deep sleep in a bed that fits "just right" and wake up and run away from the bears, so to speak. Here's how I imagine it might work: overnight, we, as a nation would agree that when we awoke, it would be to a date, say, six months ago. Every American would mail in our old bank statements and the government would write us a check for that amount. It would be like a reset button.

Is it really so crazy, to think about that we could collectively agree to turn back the clock? Like all things human, it would require a selective memory. We'd want Obama to be president, but the rest of the last six months would be erased. It's not so unusual really, when many of us married people think about how fun it was to be single, we neglect to remember how hard it is to get laid.

In recent weeks, we've had numerous stunning examples of the ability to pretend the past hasn't happened:

During fashion week, Marc Jacobs showed clothes with shoulder pads taking us right back to 1984. Catholic Bishop Richard Williamson asserted that belief that Nazis didn't used gas chambers. This week, Jerry Seinfeld announced he's putting a show on TV where married couples bicker. Wait a minute, I saw that, it's the Newlywed Game, which first aired in 1966.

All I am saying is give Jubilee a chance. Then, I'd like a nice long sleep. Please, wake me up when the bears leave.

Comments

[onenvrnos]

This is good writing. I loved the analogies. The bottom line is that, through all of the complexity, there is the simple base. All of us need a breather there.