Can We Be Emotionally Free?

What would life be like without emotional burdens like anxiety, depression, guilt, rage, self-doubt and shame? What does it mean to be "emotionally free"? Is it possible? Is it even desirable?

Part of the tool kit with which we human beings are born are our emotions. They must serve a purpose, or we would not have them. So far, so obvious. What would life be like without love, passion, enthusiasm, joy, excitement, exuberance, compassion, empathy or frustration, anger, resentment, envy, jealousy, greed and fear?

Positive emotions serve to move us forward and expand our horizons. Negative emotions can trap us in a miserable downward spiral of hopelessness and despair. So is it possible to enjoy more of the positive and less of the negative? A large industry of therapists, counsellors and health practitioners are engaged in assisting us in dealing with negative emotions and the effects they have on our ability to function effectively in relationships, work and recreation, and to enjoy personal well-being, health and happiness.

"Emotionally free" might not mean doing away with emotions altogether, which could make us less human. What if we were free to liberate ourselves from the negative while embracing more of the positive, life-affirming emotions?

What purpose do negative emotions serve? Take the emotion of grief, for example. As a dear friend pointed out to me recently, we cannot escape the fact that we will experience loss at some time during our lives: loved ones die, friends move on, beauty fades, divorce happens. In my experience, grieving has a life of its own and exists beyond my ability to control or direct it. By accepting the emotion and not fighting it, it became less painful. Grief was another form of energy, and one that was inviting me to be gentle with myself, compassionate and kind towards my feelings of loss. Free.

Negative emotions, then, can serve to wake us up to another world in which we can live with greater love, understanding, empathy and wisdom. Seen in this light, even the harshness of some life experience can serve to enrich and stabilize us.

On the other hand, negative emotions that are dwelt upon (such as anger with a former spouse) or buried in the unconscious over time (such as childhood fears) seriously compromise our well-being. Stuck, we lose our freedom of choice.

Several forms of psychotherapy affirm the potential of loving acceptance that we have for ourselves, regardless of our past experiences. The loving of dear friends assisted me in dealing with the heavy sadness that I was experiencing as I witnessed my parents' challenges with dementia. I did not lose my empathy for their circumstances, but I ceased to be immobilized by my feelings for them. Loving heals. The loving within us can heal us.

I love that we can free ourselves from negative emotion. But what if we could train ourselves to meet one another "out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and right doing," as Rumi put it, and live more in that field? What if we could become more accepting, loving and forgiving towards ourselves and others? What if we could recognize the good even when the bad happens?

Here is a thought from John Morton that endorses this possibility:

Then look for the good in your midst. Focus on the good until you give and contribute to the greater good. It's as simple as making the situation you are in better than it was a moment ago. Become part of the solution. Help clean up when there is a mess. Give some strength to those who can use it. Cheer somebody up, perhaps by starting with yourself. Be the bearer of a smile and good tidings.

What are your thoughts about emotional freedom? How have you found love to be a healer in your life? I would love to hear from you.

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Comments

[Alicia Westberry]

02:27 PM on 03/03/2011

Prior to reading this blog, I've just moved through emotions without much thought. Both the good & bad just flew by. My worst traits has always been having a hot temper & holding grudges. In the last several yrs. of being in a new more diverse environment has really helped me to lose the ability to hold grudges. I live a much more freeing life since then. Your blogs have given me good suggestions to help me enrich myself & my emotional well-being. I still have my quick temper, but I'm choosing to blame genetics.

[Dr. Cara Barker]

06:46 PM on 02/28/2011

What are your thoughts about emotional freedom? First, let me say, Anne, that you are "...love in the midst..." Now, about emotional freedom: for me, it first came when I realized that while I have emotions, I am not them....for they are energy-in-motion." The trick is not to get 'stuck' in any of them! Otherwise, the fixation disconnects me from life and life's flow. Which is to say, the stuckness deadens all that means the most to me.

How have you found love to be a healer in your life?

For me, love heals all, for it is the All, when I open my eyes, mind, and heart. Love, for me, is Life itself, when I don't get distracted by the craziness of a world that doesnt' trust the heart. But, love, yes, love, calls us back to who we really are beneath fear, self-doubt, self-limiting thinking. Without love, where and what is life? I'm not restricting the meaning, by the way, to romantic love, but to life itself.

Love out your way, Anne, and to all your loving readers!
Cara

[Anne Naylor]

04:56 AM on 03/01/2011

Always a joy to read you on love, dearest Cara! You are one who has travelled many of Love's paths and destinies.

I am loving this discussion on emotions because it makes them more objective, not something we have to "produce" (positive emotions) or over-analyze (negative emotions). Just another part of the human fabric like ears. toes and noses!

What is more, emotions are wonderful tools of awareness because when they do enter the stuckness field, we often get uncomfortable and are moved to do something different.

Love winging its way right back to you with many blessings in Its trail,
Anne

[Angelg]

03:08 PM on 02/28/2011

Anne, I so appreciate the re-framing of negative emotions..seeing how they can be used as stepping stones to be free towards, in or away from a negative experience/situation.
emotions are energy in motion and it is fun being human and alive with emotions.
angel

[Anne Naylor]

04:49 AM on 03/01/2011

Thank you, Angel. Yes, it is fun being human and alive with emotions! How dull and boring life might be without them.

Wishing you joy and happiness,
Anne

[KathleenQYD]

01:53 PM on 02/28/2011

Thanks for shedding light on emotions, Anne. I think we can only have emotional freedom by embracing all of them as they occur... the ones we have deemed positive and those we deem negative. I have found that when I am willing to be with the emotion and allow it, it moves me to a new place. It has space to be a part of my being and hence, it's hold on me disintegrates. Certainly, this is much easier to accomplish when I like the emotion than when I don't. As I write this comment, I just newly noticed that perhaps it is a continual process of not judging the emotion as good or bad that gives us an access to freedom. Mmmmmm.. at some level, I had a sense of that ....and I just got a deeper one. Thanks. ;)

[Anne Naylor]

04:46 AM on 03/01/2011

Dear Kathleen,

Thank you very much for your comment, and the awareness that came to mind!

The "continual process of not judging the emotion as good or bad that gives us an access to freedom" makes absolute sense to me. The gift of awareness is such a precious one.

I have also had the experience of being willing to be with the emotion, allowing it and moving with it and finding it takes me to greater peace and sometimes joy.

With many blessings to you,
Anne

[Arithrianos]

06:06 PM on 02/27/2011

freedom is our ownmostness, it is existance itself, the chains that seem to bind are never about our actual selves, which is pure awareness, but only about the form body we are inhabiting/co-creating, and so we are always free, but only free within consequences, so skillful means comes in not to produce freedom but to get us to choose freedom, a totally different take to me. we are always free to choose our responce, always free to just be the dissolution of the "negative" emotions, just by bearing loving nonjudgemental witness, the emotions rise and then dissolve back into the emptiness their appearnce manifest within/as. just learn about how your thoughts work and you can cut their energy off, emotions are usually quite predicatable that way, there is usually an old script, this is because emotions mostly don't arise spontaniously they are tied to stuff that has already happened, and is just happening again based on unskillful responces fron the past stored in the emotional body. loving acceptance IS your true self, only love is, everything else is a teaching about love, and once you bring your emotional hangups into the vast and profound space of what IS, then and there is freedom, freedom within emotions, but never from them, that would be boring.

[Anne Naylor]

09:42 AM on 02/28/2011

Arithrianos - you are a joy - thank you for gracing this page with your presence.

I so agree with what you say: loving acceptance IS your true self.
That is where we can always go home to.

With love and appreciation to you,
Anne

[Ed and Deb Shapiro]

06:03 PM on 02/27/2011

What are your thoughts about emotional freedom?

being able to feel & experience whatever you are going through is a blessing & is liberating. When you repress your emotions it can build up and cause all sorts of problems.

How have you found love to be a healer in your life?

Yes love is the healer. When you love you can forgive more easily and accept others for who they are.

Love is the most powerful energy. It sustains all life.

[Anne Naylor]

09:38 AM on 02/28/2011

Thank you Ed and Deb - always good to see you here.

I was listening to a talk given by Jean Houston on her experience of meeting with Mother Theresa. Mother Theresa spoke of being in love with Jesus and how that love sustained her to do all that she managed to accomplish.

Connect with our love and just anything will become possible. For a Brit, sometimes feeling and experiencing is elusive! I am learning well....

Huge love and joy to you,
Anne

[Ed and Deb Shapiro]

11:21 AM on 02/28/2011

Love our dear friend Jean Houston - she is in our book:

BE THE CHANGE

a lady of wisdom for sure!

[Marcus01]

03:34 PM on 02/27/2011

Learning to forgive, learning to identify the lessons in our experiences, and being in service to others are extremely helpful in developing a balanced perspective.

Taking a hard look at our negative emotional responses to various stimuli and being on the alert for the thoughts that trigger them can be extremely helpful. With that awareness we can develop a strategy of deliberately substituting preselected positive thoughts when we detect the negative ones on the verge of surfacing. By doing this we can reprogram the neural pathways and quite literally change our way of thinking and feeling. It takes discipline, but it also makes us masters of our selves rather than just being along for the ride.

The real biggie, and the one thing that makes much of it possible, is we must first take full and complete responsibility for whatever happens in our lives and how we respond to it. When we do this we stop assigning responsibility for how we feel to factors external to us. It's a powerful step that creates an enormous shift in consciousness, establishes the point where we cease being victims, and enables us to step into our own power.

[Anne Naylor]

09:35 AM on 02/28/2011

Thank you, Marcus01, for your input.

I love what you say here:
" ... we can reprogram the neural pathways and quite literally change our way of thinking and feeling. It takes discipline­, but it also makes us masters of our selves rather than just being along for the ride. ... "

Also your final paragraph. This step as you describe it opens up amazing doors of possibility for those who chose to take it.

Fanned and fav'd.

Joy and happiness to you,
Anne

[KathleenQYD]

07:03 PM on 02/28/2011

Yeah! for the 'real biggie'!! So well said Marcus01 ... and the discipline it takes is so worth the freedom it delivers!

[feyangel]

12:39 PM on 02/27/2011

Good article, Anne. This has been a big focus for me lately. I realize that it is difficult or even impossible for me to have the Inner State of Peace and Loving I want for myself, when I am thinking thoughts and feeling feelings that SUCK-- and keep me stirred up emotionally.

Lately when I notice I am thinking a thought that reflects (or is linked to) feelings of fear, jealousy, bitterness, anger, resentment, or whatever, I just ask that Spirit take that thought and feeling from me and return it to the Nothingness from which it came. And then I go back to feeling and Being happy and free inside myself-- and thinking thoughts that are more productive and positive.

I still find I know intuitively when I need to do or say something in a problematic situation or relationship-- but/and I do so with more kindness and patience. I also find that giving up and/or shifting those negative, unfun, painful, yucky thoughts and feelings leaves a lot of room inside of me for Joy and Loving and Peace to come in-- and live as me!.

[Anne Naylor]

08:36 AM on 02/28/2011

Hello feyangel,

Good to see you again - thank you for dropping by! I love how you are choosing to release yourself from negative thoughts and feelings.

I celebrate your choice for more Joy, Loving and Freedom!

With blessings of loving and Light to you,
Anne

[MarenS]

12:19 PM on 02/27/2011

I read a book last weekend calling the Healing Codes which talked about emotional issues as a source of disease and consistent reactions in life that rob us of the energy we need to be healthy and present and how that affects all aspects of llfe (work, family, relationships etc). I've been struggling with insomnia and anxiety and I know its pyschological so I went to the book looking for alternative therapies.

If only I could get past certain negative emotions that repeat themselves...I'd be in a much better place. So, far nothing has worked (including lots of therapy). So, in answer to your question, yes I'd like to find a way to rid some of the unconscious, childhood stuff that keeps interfering and causing stress and failure.

[Anne Naylor]

01:02 AM on 02/28/2011

Dear MarenS

Thank you very much for your comment. I am sorry to hear about your insomnia and anxiety.

You might like to check the many resources there are on the Living Pages for dealing with insomnia and gaining better sleep, because there may be some ways offered that can assist you. Hold the intention to find a way to rid some of the unconscious childhood stuff that is distressing you, and allow your intuition to guide you forward to check out new resources. There is so much available in books and on the internet. You need to find the ways that will work for you.

Let me know how you get on.

With warmest good wishes to you,
Anne

[Judith Johnson]

09:20 AM on 02/27/2011

I don't know if the Emotional Freedom Technique you speak of is the same as Neuro Emotional Technique (NET), but I have been using the later for about a year now with extraordinary results. As I understand and have experienced it, NET uses muscle testing and other protocols to identify and release the origins of negative emotional patterns that have been stuck in the body and mind. After decades of psychological work and spiritual development, I was aware that I still had something blocking me from success in certain areas of my life. The releases and freedom through NET have been subtle and powerful. For example, one exploration took me to the events surrounding the loss of my first love over 40 years ago. After the practitioner left me alone in the room to "process," I found myself sobbing and heard my voice coming from deep within me say "I will never let anyone hurt me like that again!" Suddenly, it made sense that I had only chosen men who were either married or emotionally unavailable since then. In that session, I was able to release that vow I made to myself and that night I had a dream where I was dusting off an old sign and hanging it up to announce I was open for business again. So yes, emotional freedom is possible. I don't think it matters if the emotions are positive or negative - just if they are stuck. Emotions are meant to be fluid.

[Anne Naylor]

11:12 AM on 02/27/2011

Dear Judith, Thank you so much for describing your experience with NET.

I think it is probably different than EFT, but not totally dissimilar in that it uses the relationship of emotions on the body to release stuckness. Although a lot of people are reporting the benefits of using EFT for a umber of conditions, there are apparently no published scientific studies to verify results objectively.

I love what you say about emotions are meant to be fluid. If you break the word to e + motion, where e is energy, then the word offers its own reminder. Energy in motion.

Good work dusting off that old sign!

With much love and many blessings to you,
Anne

[librainstars]

08:45 AM on 02/27/2011

When My son was dxed with PDD. He was very little when he was, hes 20 now. It took me a bit to not have anger for myself. As I blamed me. As a parent I felt guilt, anger,saddness.
None of it directed at him. I would have and still will do anything for him. I love him with all my heart.
Hes one amazing person.
It was alittle bit after his dx that I thought well if hes so amazing and I love him so much. I cant be that bad lol
To this day it takes work sometimes for me not to feel guilt. But i look at him and i know i would not change a thing.
Love can heal anything. It takes time and patince and forgiving yourself.
With grief.. I think if you dont feel it then you did not love. What a shame if you didnt.
As love is the one postive emotion that ties everything together.
Sorry I went on a bit.

[Anne Naylor]

11:03 AM on 02/27/2011

Dear librainstar

Thank you so much for taking the time to write your contribution. I am touched by the loving you have for your son and the compassion you have extended towards yourself.

"Love can heal anything. It takes time and patience and forgiving yourself." This is so beautiful.

What you illustrate that I am seeing is no matter the challenge you meet, you can choose to step into a higher and greater level of love, which can transcend the difficulties you might have to deal with.

With appreciation and blessings to you,
Anne

[sunshineandjoy2]

04:03 AM on 02/27/2011

and . . . in Love there is no judgement - no positive and negative - freedom!

[Anne Naylor]

10:56 AM on 02/27/2011

Sunshineandjoy2 - Love makes things so much simpler and easier. Thank you for the reminder.

Huge love and much joy to you,
Anne

[Angie Cordeiro]

10:08 PM on 02/26/2011

Unbiased emotions, that has been my challenge.

[Anne Naylor]

10:54 AM on 02/27/2011

Thank you, Angie. I am sure you are not alone with this challenge.

Bon courage!

Anne

[Angie Cordeiro]

11:17 AM on 02/27/2011

Mis-typed...unbiased mind when charged with emotion.

[Nathaliefranks]

05:16 PM on 02/26/2011

What a great title.

Today I had an experience of shifting from a negative focus about the neighbours noise to a positive focus. I realised that the mother of the children who live above me was having difficulty in disciplining
them. I felt compassion for her, and although the noise did not lessen, it did not bother me as much as it had done in the last few weeks. I also realised that judging the situation blocks me to see what is really going on. I never thought that a shift like this would be possible and it is. It definitley is emotionally freeing.

[Anne Naylor]

10:53 AM on 02/27/2011

Thank you, Nathalie and bravo! This is so not an easy challenge for you.

The thought crossed my mind that you might find some useful approaches in Russell's book Workarounds That Work http://www.amazon.com/Workarounds-That-Work-Conquer-Anything/dp/007175203X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1284674174&sr=8-1 .

Keep me posted on developments!

Love and blessings to you,
Anne

[azothman]

02:56 PM on 02/26/2011

One way to become free of emotions is to first be free to feel emotions.

[Anne Naylor]

10:50 AM on 02/27/2011

Thank you, azothman. Great comment!

It is those buried emotions that seem to cause so much trouble. And when you actually feel them, they are really not so scary.

Joy and freedom to you!
Anne