To love someone deeply gives you strength.
Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu
The weeks leading up to the holiday season can be emotionally intense. We are coming to the end of the year. Did it go well? Was it disappointing for you? Did children grow up, leaving home an empty nest? Are you celebrating your successes, or grieving your losses? Both perhaps.
Emotions are felt most keenly with those closest to us; those we love the most. None more so than in marriages or close partnerships. This time of the year is one in which we are being showered with spiritual Light. This Light comes as a blessing: to let us see more clearly where we might have something to learn; to heal our hurts; to reassure, soothe and comfort us; to bring us joy.
Communicating, giving and receiving awaken us to more of our love. The buying and giving of material gifts is not the only way we can demonstrate our love.
The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved.
Victor Hugo
A Little StoryThere was once a young man who wanted to show his love for his wife. So he swam the deepest sea, climbed the highest mountain and tried to reach for the stars. Guess what happened?
His wife left him. Why?
Because he was never home.
Dr Gary Chapman has written a book on The Five Love Languages. If you are feeling unloved by your partner, husband, wife or close friend, it could be that you understand different love languages. What is your love language? What do you have to receive to know that you are special, that you are loved? How do you communicate your love with others?
The five love languages are:
1. Words of Affirmation
If your primary language is words of affirmation, you need to hear from your loved ones verbal appreciation, compliments or encouragement for you to feel special and loved. Simple and honest statements such as: You did really well getting that promotion. Or: You looked radiant and beautiful in your new outfit. Or: You are a great Dad to our kids.
2. Quality Time
Quality time with our loved ones is important for most of us, especially so if this is your primary love language. Give undivided time and attention with activities you enjoy doing together. During conversations, make sure the phone, tv or other distractions are turned off.
3. Receiving Gifts
Gifts are visual, tangible expressions of love and devotion. If this is your love language, you are likely to value gifts as touching and meaningful. Gifts do not have to be big and expensive. A single beautiful rose, a favourite food brought on the way home or a small souvenir from a trip away can speak volumes.
4. Acts of Service
Better to ask which acts of service are really appreciated than assume that cleaning the kitchen, or bathroom, clearing the garage are wanted more than looking after the kids on Saturday mornings. Most importantly, these acts must be undertaken not with resentment but with the joy of loving.
5. Physical Touch
Sexual intimacy is only one aspect of physical touch that communicates love in marriage or close partnership. Here it is important to discover from each other what forms of touching mean the most. These may include shoulder rubs at the end of a working day, back or feet massages, holding hands, stroking a cheek, a gentle hug.
Love is a fruit in season at all times and within reach of every hand.
Mother Teresa
To discover your own love language ask yourself the following questions:
1. How do I express love to others? (For example: I express love by giving words of encouragement and support, especially during challenging times.)
2. What do I request most often? (For example: I love to feel appreciated and acknowledged for what I do.)
3. What do I complain about the most? (For example: You never seem to notice when I have done something really well and that I am proud of.)
What you and your loved ones find out about your love languages needs to be communicated, shared and acted upon. Learning can lead you to greater joy and happiness with the ones you love the most.
Be willing to make changes. Small adjustments may make a big difference and cost very little.
The blessings of this season can grow and deepen your love in ways that perhaps you had not thought about before.
Love, the key that unlocks the bars of impossibility.
Fikayo Ositelu
How do you enjoy receiving love from those dear to you? What makes you feel special and most loved? Could you celebrate the holiday season by giving differently this year?
Please feel free to leave a comment below, or contact me at clearresults@mac.com
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Something marvelous is happening in the world; love is rising and your wonderful articles are always so well-aligned with that. My motto has always been no half measures and no second-best and your 5 points encapsulate that perfectly.
I am finally at a stage where I feel completely at ease naked and vulnerable - well I have no choice anyway, the masks are gone. Listening to the other's needs is easy, and so is saying what I want but I give it to myself first. I don't need to depend on anyone for that.
Every day my reflection and I communicate love words to each other and I give myself a morning massage to start off my day. Loving one's self is the absolute pinnacle. When you have that, as they say in Trinidad and Tobago, anything else could play.
Really a sweet post here.
Thank you very much for your comment.
I wonder what you boyfriend's love language is. You might find it helpful to also give yourself kind words of affirmation so that you know for yourself what you like to hear.
Sometimes we expect from others what we need to give to ourselves!
With warmest good wishes,
Anne
I was waiting for your comment. How very blessed you are! Your key phrase is to me: "a life dedicated to being kind to each other". As you say, you do have a wonderful gift.
Thank you very much for taking the time to respond and share your awareness here.
With love and appreciation,
Anne
To love someone deeply gives you strength.
Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu
what a great statement.
I feel blessed and honored to be accepted by Deb warts and all.
BE THE CHANGE
Ed
I think you are both fortunate for each other. Such a blessing to enjoy a close loving partnership.
It is very good to see your joyous faces here - thank you for the Beings you are!
Warm love and best Light as always,
Anne
You are a jewel in the heart of a lotus!
Yes to all five ways you wrote about for showing love. I also like to receive four of the five form people I love. I' like to give presents but don't need to receive that one. It does make me feel better when my people bother putting in effort to show me they love me. I've taken up Cara's clarion call to not complain, criticize or gossip for 21 days and I believe that will help me show love better. My sons are grown and don't need me to point out how they can do something better, I just need to support them and let them know how much I love them without the "helpful" pointers. Great article.
With love,
little brother
How lovely to see you here and thank you for your beautiful insights. I felt very warm having read your comment. What a blessing you are.
With love and appreciation,
Anne
Much, much love is coming your way, Anne,
Cara
With warm love and appreciation to you,
Anne
Good to see you again - thank you for dropping by. Clear communication is such a wonderful and healing thing. One of those blessings to share in the holiday season.
With love and blessings to you,
Anne
Thank you for your comment. I agree with what you say. So much disappointment and upset could be avoided with the information offered in The Five Love Languages. These ideas were presented in a very effective Marriage Course I assisted on recently. More about this in a future post.
Warmest regards,
Anne
Enjoy your posts as well as Tweets! This article resonated with me. After a year of great starts and quick, hard, hurtful stops, 'tis the season to take stock and see what works and what doesn't. in fact, thinking about starting a new decade, I'm taking these ideas into consideration as to what I really want out of love and life. I am grateful for my darling, crazy, maddening, delightful son, my home, my wee family, and for getting better, but want to refocus on how to get what I really want, and hopefully deserve.
Thanks for the good ideas and guideposts! Always a pleasure.
Cheers!
Thank you very much for your kind words - much appreciated. It is really valuable in my experience to take a little time to take stock and reflect ahead about what you now really want.
I wish your a glorious, fulfilling and very rewarding next decade.
With love and blessings to you,
Anne
ha[ppiness
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Thanks for posting this info in such a clear, concise manner!
Thank you for your kind words.
With warmest regards to you,
Anne
thank you!
jason
Thank you for dropping by - it is very good to see you here. There is something very special about this time of the year, reflecting on love and our loved ones.
With love and blessings to you,
Anne
I have found, in leading workshops with women, that the genders often show their love in different ways! Rather than being angry or disappointed, understanging that "love language" can ease a lot of pain and suffering!
Thanks for the reminder to spend some time with my #1 this holiday season!
~Kari
Thank you very much for dropping by. Yes, to me it is amazing how different people within the same family have their own ways of expressing love, and hoping to be shown love. Of course, the awareness still needs to be communicated and shared.
I love the possibility that we can be more loving and open with each other, especially at this giving time of the year.
With love to you,
Anne