March 15th is the day I remember forgiving. This year's winter has been harsh for many, both economically and in terms of climate. Challenges give us choices and choices are produced by becoming aware of the larger picture that is present. In my experience, awareness comes through relaxation, love, and a willingness to be open; to expand beyond the limitations of normal seeing, hearing, or feeling.
Waking up on January 21st, deaf in one ear, was a shock to me. Last week, I was in London having MRI scans to explore the cause of this sudden hearing loss in my left ear. It turns out that I have a benign acoustic neuroma that is blocking the acoustic nerve artery to the cochlea. There is a tumor which is expected to grow slowly, if at all. More scans will be done in six months to reevaluate if surgery is necessary.
This condition is truly an opportunity. First of all, what can I learn from it? Secondly, I am excited about how I can move forward with the condition. Can it be healed and my hearing restored? Present medical science says no. Whatever the state of the condition, how am I going to expand my experience and expression of life anyway? How can I use it to amplify the human spirit that I am?
Here are 7 Steps To Healing And Good Health that I am now using:
1. Acceptance
Accepting the loss of hearing, and its finiteness as given to me by the doctors, was not easy. It is important to be with and to accept the feelings that show up. Acceptance lifts you such that you can better cooperate with the condition you are presented with.
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine.
Mario Fernandez
2. Receiving
Be open to receive the support you need to take you through the issue - and out the other side. Each of us have a need to give. Givers need receivers.
People who pray for you and wish you well, can make a big difference when it comes to having faith and trust in a healthy outcome. Engage positive witnesses who celebrate your triumphs and assist you to maintain an expansive focus.
I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness
the astonishing light of your own being.
Hafiz
3. Learning
In the human spirit that you are, each challenge brings you a gift of learning and greater understanding. When the learning has taken place, the condition no longer has a purpose. It may leave.
The attitude of gratitude for all the goodness you have right now may be one of the greatest lessons you have to learn.
Whenever we are appreciative, we are filled with a sense of wellbeing
and swept up by the feeling of joy.
M.J. Ryan
4. Forgiving
A health crisis often brings emotional reactions. You can use forgiving to bring balance; to release misunderstanding, sadness, disappointment, anger, frustrations or regret.
Forgiving is one of the best ways you can draw the curtain back to reveal your spirit. Through a renewed connection with the Divine, you may receive fresh inspiration; the blessings of others who care; insights of peace and reassurance; joy and the sheer humour in daily life.
Here are two statements I find valuable. They can be repeated at any time - standing in line, waiting in traffic, walking, running, dancing or swimming.
I forgive myself for any judgments I have made or held
against myself or any other being or situation,
consciously or unconsciously.
I forgive myself for forgetting that I am divine
Forgiving is a choice
In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer.
Albert Camus
5. Expanding
How could you invite a larger vision for yourself? How could you heal your consciousness to bring about improvements in your life?
You may for example, wish to simplify your life. Change your job to fulfill a heartfelt vocation. Develop closer friendships. Reduce superficial acquaintances. Do more of what makes you happy. Let go of unnecessary obligations. Say "no" to what you do not want. Say "yes" to what you do.
Man is so made that when anything fires his soul, impossibilities vanish
Jean de La Fontaine
6. Dreaming
Give yourself permission to dream. So far, what have you not dared to ask for, and receive? What have you denied that you would really love to be, or to do, or to have? Sleep on the question and allow yourself to be shown when you wake what it is you want in your heart of hearts.
Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
7. Acting
Start to make the changes that will bring about your deepest desires and your fondest dreams. Find new ways to communicate what is true for you. Dare to do things differently. Be willing to explore and discover fresh meaning in life.
The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground.
Unknown
Forgiving is central to letting go of past hurt, and opening the door to a brighter future. Happy Forgiving Day!
How has forgiving made a difference to you? Have you ever transformed your life through a healing crisis? What important dream have you yet to realize and fulfill?
Please feel free to leave a comment below, or contact me at anne@annenaylor.com

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Kristen Houghton: Forgive Yourself and Let Go
My father and I had not been getting along for many years. I was so fragile during my treatments that if he called, I just cried. Still, he called every day and tried to encourage me. I said nothing, I just cried. But after four months, I wrote him a letter. I told him that I forgive him for everything, and that I hope that he would forgive me, too, When he got my letter, he called me and said 'thank you.' It was extremely liberating. We are kind to each other now.
I feel kinder and more compassionate towards myself and everyone else. I am not so quick to blame. I like the person that I have become.
http://graciouslivingdaybyday.com/
What a beautiful comment. Thank you very much for taking the time to write it.
With love to you,
Anne
Join the challenge to give to forgive.
Glad to see you back. I missed you last week.
So far the hardest forgiveness I've had to embrace has needed fresh coats of forgiveness every few years I'm glad I get to stages where I can do that. While reading your post, I thought about someone who just last week went out of his way to wreck some repair work I had done. He is forgiven. Thanks for reminding me how forgiveness heals me.
love,
little brother
How good to see you again - thank you for dropping by.
Fresh coats of forgiveness - well, I apply those to myself fairly frequently! This may sound radical, but any time I fail to see the perfection in circumstances taking place, then I need to refresh my vision with forgiveness.
With love to you,
Anne
Thank you very much for commenting. I am not sure that forgiveness can ever be wasted, unless you hold an expectation that someone else will change as a result.
In my experience, forgiving benefits first the forgiver. Being one who is for giving, and can let go, means that I do not re-attach myself to the source of the bother. I may need to reevaluate the relationship to see if it is one that is of service to myself and the other person.
With warmest good wishes to you,
Anne
I have been held to a higher standard, which I find unfair. They can get away with not forgiving, but I have too...
Well, they have been forgiven. I did that a long time ago, I will never forget what I had to forgive them for... and I stay away because I don't want to HAVE to forgive them again...
I appreciate what you say about being expected to be forgiving. My own view is that forgiving is a free choice for me to make. Just like you, I am sure I would choose to stay away when a relationship has become disturbing to me.
Thank you for expressing your point of view.
Be well and happy!
Anne
I learn something. The key is remorse.
If someone truly feels remorseful, you can forgive. But forgiveness doesn't mean total trust. Trust is earned. It really depends on what caused the argument in the first place, is it just bad communication or intentional harm? You have to watch your back when it comes to someone who harmed you deliberately before. Keep some distance and be observant.
If he or she is not even remorseful, forget it. Being forgiving will make you a doormat. They will do it again and again. You will not have quality of life. Turning the other cheek is very passive. It doesn't work in real life. Being a doormat is bad for your mental health. It either turns you into a hater or makes you feel really small after years of being mistreated. There is no up side.
Thank you very much for commenting.
Reading what you have to say, it occurs to me that if a person continues to be hurtful, you can trust that this is what they will do. I agree with you that being a doormat is no way to have quality in life.
Your words: "Keep some distance and be observant." are wise.
Treasure yourself.
With love,
Anne
I usually see one side of the equation-the aggrieved. Look at this in terms of energy. The aggrieved forgives so that energy is put out. The offender, sucks in the energy of forgiveness and gives nothing in return. Like an energy vampire. I've seen situations where this act between people is repeated over & over. Or, the aggrieved continues to pour energy into forgiveness for a person or situation that goes into a hole that never fills up. I know in my own family there are people who always "keep something going", for no apparent reason until I realized that they feed off that energy.
From a mental health perspective, telling a person to forgive any situation is not healthy. What if they can't? Many people can't and I have to help them cut the cords of attachment and move forward. I know a lot of the writings on forgiveness come from various spiritual teachings but I don't believe any of these being were working from integrated mental& emotional bodies. You can't manufacture forgiveness or turn on a switch to turn off pain, anger or fear. I believe in forgiveness but it must leave the person healthy & whole.
Good Bible reference and thank you for your comment.
I think if i were to forgive with an attachment to a certain outcome taking place, such as expecting love, approval or change of behaviour from my offender, then I have not let go and inadvertently may invite further offence. As you say, cutting the cords of attachment may be necessary for moving forward.
Inviting a person to consider forgiveness may reveal to them what is holding them back. I don't usually find telling a person what to do is useful.
I appreciate the points you are making here.
With warmest good wishes to you,
Anne
Three thoughts from Montreal.
1) You certainly have chosen one of the most difficult subjects, and it is certainly one of the most important.
2) It takes two to tango: but I don't think it takes two to forgive. It may be easier when there are both a forgiver and a forgiver; but I think forgiveness is essentially a unilateral activity.
3) I KNOW that you will turn your partial deafness into a Blessing.
All love to you
Holden
Thank you so much for your three thoughts. Yes, forgiving is a difficult subject to be sure. This is why I think discussion on the topic is very valuable - for the individual to discover what it is, and is not, for them.
My experience also tells me that forgiving is a unilateral activity. I can be a person who is for giving. I can also choose to hold on, or to let go. However, I am also aware that the nature of life being such as it is, there are times when we are trapped in our unknowing and letting go does not show up as an option.
I am on the road, and already discovering some of the blessings
Your love is very much appreciated.
Blessings and joy to you!
Anne
But if you cling to that anger and resentment you be trying to protect yourself but you are also hurting yourself.
That stuff- that anger and resentment festers inside of you.
Try to forgive and take ownership of the wrongs that have been done to you. You don't ever have to forget. You don't ever have to walk away like it doesn't matter. It will always matter because what happened to you is part of what has shaped you.
According to one of my favorite writers, Sally Kempton, one major problem with not forgiving is that you can get "imprisoned in the role of victim."
If you are looking to learn how to forgive this article from her website is helpful:
http://www.sallykempton.com/yjarticles/forgiveness.html
I have not read any of Anne Naylor's books and she may offer a way as well.
Anne, I want to suggest that you read the book, "Counter Clockwise: Mindful Health and the Power of Possibility" by Ellen Langer for a mindful way of dealing with your condition.
You may want to check out some interviews with "experts" that deal with topics like change, transition and happiness here- happiness-after-midlife.com/midlife-interviews.html
Thank you for this beautiful post. I have been incorporating these concepts- what you refer to as the 7 Steps to Healing and Good health- in my life. By doing this I have gone from being miserable and severely depressed (I once attempted suicide) to living an intentional, positive, healthy life. I am no longer out of the woods physically, but I am working on it. And I marvel at all of the lessons and wisdom that have come from all of my trials.
I especially appreciate the simple and effective way that you broke down these 7 steps and then punctuated each with a quote. They are wonderful.
Sometimes when life is tough it is hard to remember these things... I will refer to your article to remember.
Good luck with your ear.
and I look forward to reading more of what you have to say,
RBennett
Congratulations on all of the progress you have been making towards your healing and good health. Yes, as much as we may know what to do, remembering to do it when times get tough can be a real challenge.
Thank you very much for all of your good wishes and for commenting here.
With love and blessings to you,
Anne
May we open our hearts as big as the Universe :-)
How has forgiving made a difference to you?
If you can't forgive you can't dance
Have you ever transformed your life through a healing crisis? Yes I became more compassionate and can empathize with others more
What important dream have you yet to fulfill?
to be of service to more & more people
Holding you in love,
Ed
Thank you so much for your warmth and caring.
Ever the dancer, of course you would forgive...
It looks to me as though you are well on your way to serving more and more people. Lucky people!
May you be continually showered with great blessings of joy and serenity.
Best love,
Anne
I have garden variety loss of hearing in one ear, no tumor found as they did in your case. I remember what my ENT told me at the time of diagnosis, ... "Only about 1 in 7 patients with Tinnitus and loss of hearing commit suicide!". I laughed, thinking him facetious, ... but his words were true. Since then I have reflected upon that, and resolved to view the gradual loss differently. Your words describe a good part of that process, and I recall Ludwig Beethoven, who continued to compose music even after his hearing was lost!
As for skeptics who claim forgiving gives license to the cruel in the world to continue their practices I would ask only two questions, ...
When we hold a grudge or cultivate anger toward others, when has it ever changed how they behave?
When we adopt forgiveness in ourselves for the circumstances and slights the world brings upon us, who is benefited?
It has been the most amazing understanding of my life to see that the beneficiary of my granting forgiveness, was always myself! Wish I learned it younger!
Be well!
What a great name! I love both independence and party.
Thank you very much for your comment. Oh yes, I plan to hear many beautiful sounds in my hearing ear!
You got it with forgiveness. Certainly a lesson worth learning, as soon as possible.
I appreciate very much your good wishes.
With love,
Anne