Are you someone who who can freely and openly say what is true for you? With the best will in the world, do you ever find that your communications are misinterpreted? Do you sometimes have difficulty saying what you want to, in case you are misunderstood or rejected? What is it like to be holding on to something you have been meaning to say, but were never able to do so?
Last week in response to my article, "Can Your Ego Be Your Friend?" Marcus01 commented:
What drives us on a spiritual path? What put us there in the first place?
I am sure there are many answers to those questions. Here are two simple ones. What drives us on a spiritual path is love. What put us there in the first place is lacking it.
Think of love as giving you all the courage and strength you need to address any challenge you could possibly encounter. Think of love that connects you to others, that reassures and comforts you; that gives you energy and freedom to enjoy your life; that builds a family, community or nation.
When the euro was introduced to Europe overnight, our national currencies ceased to be valid. I felt a shift taking place. One day, the ATM served French francs; the next day, crisp new colourful euro notes. It felt like we had become one larger community with a shared currency, even with all of the different verbal languages spoken.
Love connects and love completes. But what about those times when you fail to connect? When what you wanted to say does not get said?
Have you ever felt lost for words in the presence of a loved one, recently bereaved? Have you ever wanted to help a friend, but just could not find the right thing to say to make a difference? Have you ever spoken your mind, and ended up hurting the one you love the most?
A few weeks ago, Jackie Hooper wrote to me having read my article, "Turning Loneliness Into Deeper Connection." Her website, The Things You Would Have Said, offers visitors the opportunity to express their unspoken thoughts. She wrote:
I have been collecting letters from people of all ages and all walks of life, asking them to write about something they have never before shared with someone. I have collected hundreds of letters from schools, jails, retirement homes and various national organizations such as American Ex-Prisoners of War. Whether the person has passed away, contact was lost, or the strength needed at the time was lacking, this is a chance to apologize, show appreciation and ignite that unspoken conversation. I receive letters from all over the world from writers apologizing to kids they bullied in school, asking a friend why they committed suicide, or telling a loved one how much they were missed after a car accident. Many writers are empowered to share their story and hope it will reach someone going through a similar situation.
I post one letter each day on my website, so that others can learn about the project and become inspired to write. The feedback I receive from writers and readers is overwhelming in how much they discuss emotional healing and gaining a sense of peace. Everyone comments on how therapeutic the activity is and how close they feel to strangers after reading their letters.
Communication has not always been easy for me. It was often easier for me to write than to speak. These days, whether it is speaking or writing, listening or reading, communicating is one of my great joys. There was a learning curve to get to this place. I am still learning. The most enriching communications for me are those from the heart, that are essentially loving.
You may know the saying: The truth sets you free. The truth said in loving rarely hurts or is misunderstood. The truth connects, builds bridges, fords streams (that might otherwise separate), dismantles barriers (that would divide).
Recently, I have been negotiating a claim for some work that was unsatisfactorily done. In my letters, I was unable to recognize where I had an emotional charge of blame and anger. A friend assisted me to see where I was being strident and resentful. The process was an amazing learning process. How, when I could simply and clearly present the facts, I received a reasonable response and another step forward. I am very grateful for her assistance. I could not have made such progress alone.
Clear communications are liberating. When a person speaks or writes to me from their heart, it never fails to touch and inspire me. One of the greatest gifts a married couple can give to each other is that of open self-expression, with acknowledgment and appreciation towards the other, and a willingness to listen without condition. Such communications can prove deeply healing.
In the new world, into which I sense we are evolving, I hope that we may become proficient communicators. I trust that we may come to see how we all have much more in common, than those issues that separate and divide us. If not the whole world, then I anticipate that there will be many more of us keen to develop our capacity to be at one with ourselves and each other, and relate in that way. With freedom of honest expression, we may enjoy healthier happier and wealthier lives.
Can you think of anyone, past or present, with whom you have an unspoken conversation? Have you ever found a communication to be healing, or liberating? What have you found to make difficult communications easier? I would love to hear from you.
Please feel free to leave a comment below, or contact me at anne@annenaylor.com
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I can only imagine how liberating it can be for some. I have been one to be brutally honest and say exactly what’s on my mind over the years. As a result, in my professional life I have had to preface my communication by saying, “I’m from NY and while I may sound curt it’s not meant to be, please don’t take it personal. It’s just that I have not been refined.” I know having to say that is a reflection on my delivery, tone and choice of words, I have learned smiling softens my delivery. All-in-all I feel it’s better to know what I’m feeling and not have to guess.
Have you ever found a communication to be healing, or liberating? YES yes yes!
with my best friend and wife Deb. Just being with Deb is both healing and liberating. She is kind and never thinks of herself. unless it make sense - as she is sensible & well grounded. It is part of her DNA
Big Love- Ed
Your comment so makes me smile.
Your communications are a joy to me!
With all love and ever present blessings to you...
I am the change,
Anne
Warm wishes,
Mia Rose
http://www.healinglovenotes.com
You also remind me of something I read a while ago about there being times when it is good to speak, and times when it is good to hold. Not out of fear, but out of love.
I love the quote from Maya Angelou.
With love to you,
Anne
Do you remember the song Living Next Door To Alice? I always wonder why the guy lived the past 24 years next door to Alice and never expressed his love.
Thank you for your wise words. I do remember the song Living Next Door To Alice. It makes you wonder. But it also makes me wonder how many never do express their love. It "should" be the easiest thing in the world, but often it is not.
I wonder what the world might be like if more of us expressed our love.... Might be very nice.
With joy and love to you,
Anne
The real basis for good communication comes from good parenting skills. There are no "shy" members in my direct family, & this comes from my Mother & Father. I honestly can't remember ever being talked to in, "baby-speak".(I.E. Goo-ga-ga)
I was taught to always look people in the eyes when speaking, & never feel scared, ashamed, intimidated, etc., etc. when in crowds, addressing adults, or figures of authority.(Of course I had examples of this seeing that my Grandfather was a Sherrif, & numerous people in my family are still in Law Enforcement)
We were always taught to just be honest & sincere, & there is nothing we couldn't discuss in a respectful tone, or manner. It's just not rocket science being self confident. However, the failings of the parents always seem to plague the children. We see it all around us in society: drop out rates, drug abuse, etc., etc.
My belief, (& Lord knows I've been wrong more than I care to even think of), is that there are no shy/withdrawn adults, IF, there was a loving, supporting family environment that they were nurtured in. That is, barring a tramatic experience in adulthood that causes withdrawal. Which, in case, is a whole other article to be written about.
Good day folks from "just" an average guy!
I'd almost forgotten those kinds of ethics that I learned so young - thanks a bunch for reminding me.
What a great family you grew up with. To be open and honest and sincere are gifts that not everyone has known how to give and receive. Sometimes, they have to be learned.
I appreciate your 2 cent. Drop by again, please!
Joy and happiness to you,
Anne
Love isn't always like that - but whatever we say or do, we have to do it as those who are capable of such a gift. That solves everything.
Good to see you here and thank you for your inspiring comment.
I have observed that great love often opens a door to learning more about love, and deepening that experience through life's challenges. Loving someone else invites us to awaken to more of the love within us, including forgiving ourselves for those times when we expressed less than our best.
Loving is extraordinary. Interesting image you offer with the pinnacle of human failure.
With love, joy and blessings to you,
Anne
I just paid a visit to your blog at annenaylor.com. Talk about wealth! I love the video! YOU are wealth, my dear and you inspire me. I began reading your New Wealth Book and will return again and again to take it in tiny sips, it's very rich and nourishing!
And, to my surprise, I see you've quoted a post of mine on scarcity.... thanks so much for that.
And so to conversations yet unspoken..... I certainly hope there are none of those left in me as I've made it a point to be "complete" in my communications with others. I attempt, not always successfully I might add, to say what needs to be said in the moment and if/when I discover there is "more", I revisit the topic with whomever is relevant to the communication. Unfinished business, whether in communication or otherwise, is not something I want to have in my life, so I"m pretty vigilant about making sure I feel "clean". In this, one can be enormously "wealthy"!
Thanks again for another wonderful post!
Much love,
Judith
Thank you very much for dropping by. I love dipping in to The Wealth Book when I need a little reminder about what I know, but sometimes forget. Your conversation around scarcity and abundance very much matches my own view.
I had not thought about it before, but maybe cleanliness is next to wealthiness. When the decks are clear, we are closer to our awareness of the wealth that we have.
I so appreciate your presence and kind words.
With love to you,
Anne
Senor Superfrog :)
Love your name - where did that come from? And your comment. Thank you!
With loving to you,
Anne
Thank you for your beautiful comment.
Your expression: "productive, healing Dance of Loving" makes my heart sing. I wonder if other journeys of learning could be similarly described. Maybe even life itself.
With many blessings to you,
Anne
With love and blessings to you,
Anne
Thanks for a beautiful article once again. And so very poignant to me. Communication is something I have been struggling for a long time with. ....and now that I have got to a place of opening up, I seem to be putting my foot into it often .... I question is it my communication or is it that those people are so used to me being the listener only, so now that I express my opinion, it feels like I am driving people away. I personally feel that I am stepping on some people ;s egos and their need to be right. And the next question of course is how and where do I do that myself? (Come from my ego and need to be right!)
Any comments on how to present an opinion without offending people (which is never intended) It is after all just my opinion! And I guess you cannot please them all anyway!
Thank you. With loving
Annaliisa
Thank you very much for dropping by. My first suggestion is to be very gentle and caring with yourself as you learn how to present yourself in a new way. It takes courage to be willing to make mistakes on the way to learning something new.
When you are expressing a point of view, you might start out by saying something like: this is the way I am seeing this for now. Your own opinion may change when you get more information. Or you might say: I am not sure how to put this exactly but the way I look at it is... All you are offering is another view to be considered. It or you does not have to be right or wrong. Or you could ask for their opinion or point of view first. Listen to it. Then offer yours.
Be brave and take a good dose of humour. So what if you don't get it right first time! You made the attempt, which at the very least will give you something to learn from. You might also get a buddy who can be a witness to your triumphs and trials.
Good luck, and let me know how it goes for you!
With love and blessings,
Anne