Is there any value in suffering? Does it serve a purpose? Has suffering ever served you? Is it possible to live without suffering? Are you suffering now, and feeling stuck with it?
Last week, in response to my article "Dealing With Negative Energy at Work," several readers wrote about their negative experiences at work. You know, it is good to get it out. You open a door for others to lend their support, comfort and encouragement -- and many did respond in this way. It was very touching to me.
In asking, you enable others to give. None of us is alone. In giving from the heart, we awaken more of our own heart. We open our greater connection and sense of being at one with the greater world that is beyond our difficulties.
There is a lot of suffering about, as "SShaw490" commented:
I got up this morning and scanned through all the Internet "usual suspects" to find out what was happening in the world, and saw domestic problems, foreign problems, economic problems, a Mosque (that isn't a Mosque) in New York, oil in the Gulf of Mexico, a great but depressing Maureen Dowd piece about America's mass nervous breakdown...sheesh, other than looking through the HuffPo Living section, why did I bother? Then I went outside and filled the bird feeders with all the squirrels and birds watching and I thought -- "birds only sing good news." I don't know why those words came to me, but I'm thankful for them.
We only know the human world, and that's not The World. The World is full of good news -- it's just our little part of the world that's fouled up. And in the final analysis, it's been worse. We may worry, but we shouldn't despair. We'll figure it out, and when we doubt that, well, that's why God made birds to sing to us.
If there is a purpose to suffering, what might the value of suffering be? With the widespread and 24-hour availability of "news," we are being given a constant call for empathy -- for at least being "at one with" the suffering of others, even if we are not in a position to do anything about it.
I am not sure about the word "news" because it seems we like to buy (based on ratings) bad news 24/7, and there is nothing new about it. True news to me is about creativity and resource: the sparkling vitality in a baby's eyes, invention and innovation, challenges met and overcome. But I digress.
In the comment from "MizFlagPin", I am reminded that suffering may stimulate action leading to positive change.
Work in itself can be fulfilling but when the environment is toxic I think we should remember why we work, why we stay. This usually means that our job underwrites the cost of sustaining our lifestyle. In toxic environments, it is best to "stay under the radar," do our work, get out of there and enjoy the time away from the job. We should be appreciative for having a job but when there is a lot of negativeness in the workplace we shouldn't buy in or take the negative stuff to heart.
Instead, we should use energy while we have a job to improve our situation by plotting another career path through education, certification or by gaining experience through volunteer opportunities. Action that leads to positive change is empowering.
Jenny Green suffers from Motor Neurone Disease (MND). MND is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that attacks the upper and lower motor neurones leading to weakness and the deterioration of muscles, causing increasing loss of mobility in the limbs and difficulties with speech, swallowing and breathing. It is a terminal illness for which there is currently no cure. She is competing in a sailing regatta to raise funds for research into the causes and treatment of the disease, so that others in the future may benefit from the cure that is not available for her. For her, this is no small challenge.
Read about her bravery and courage here: Jenny Green Challenge Fund
Could we reach a point of evolution when (for those of us in that position) suffering becomes a choice? Could suffering become like a coat we can put on, or take off. If someone tries to make you suffer, you do not have to wear that coat. You can look at it, and walk away. Practically, that might look like forgiving.
Many years ago, I knew a gentleman in his 60s who was dying of cancer. He was at peace with himself and his condition. People would come up to him with sadness and long faces. He ministered to them with his peace and words of reassurance. He never failed to inspire and give hope. He did not suffer.
"Light, the divine energy from Spirit, is within each and every one of us."
--John-Roger
Has suffering ever been useful for you in some way? What has suffering taught you? Have you found ways to rise above suffering? I would love to hear from you. Your views and wisdom are welcome.
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One of the growth programs I've experienced offers the following tool: "Create value in all things." That prompts me to find some positive aspect in everything that appears especially bad/stressful/painful at the outset.
Which, I suppose, is to say that my suffering can be magnified or reduced by my attitude.
One of the reasons why Americans are so obsessed with suffering is because here the denial is so thick that most people have to suffer alone. Any nation which has the pursuit of happiness written into its foundation will no doubt by definition be a nation of truly ignorant or deeply unhappy people who will follow any cult or pseudo-spiritual trend that promises relief. Pursuing happiness is an adolescent fantasy and no nation with any wisdom would ever hang such silliness on its citizens.
I like Buddhism, but it basically advises to get rid of the ego, the one who suffers. But then "if Nirvana means absorption, why seek Nirvana?" Psychology recognizes a whole class of people who are 'death seekers' (?Fromm, Heart of Man?), generally recognized by a face that has just sucked a lemon. These folks are found in many religions, where they deny 'life' or 'heaven' to all but the chosen few. They, by denying their own suffering, make others suffer. Or by putting it off to an afterlife or a Hell, are missing out on the experience of life.
No one knows what the purpose of life is, but it is obvious that many can only learn by their mistakes or suffering. But Dante's message seems to be that we must descend into our own personal suffering, with no thought of escaping, to go out the other side, "on the other side of despair, life starts'. Or, an easier rule is, 'we must stick our big toe into the cesspool of our suffering, but there is no need to take a swim in it."
The purpose of life is self-created meaning (ethics, self-justification), but you won't have much of a philosophy until you've accepted a load of undeserved suffering and found a way to make sense of it.
"We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it--and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit on a hot stove lid again--and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
At some point, those with the disease stop suffering but it is the caregivers that see their loved ones slipping away that have a huge physical and emotional burden. If you have ever experienced any type of suffering, then my suggestion would be to reach out to others. VOLUNTEER where there is a need to share hugs, good advice, EMPATHY and love to anyone at any age. It will help you and it will help those going through their own suffering and is deeply gratifying. It will help you cope with your own very real feelings and will actually speed up your own renewal. When I was in the hospital from 2006-2008 (on and off) what I really needed most was to know someone cared. That's what it is all about. Being helpful to others who are suffering does, indeed, help you too!
To "like" some experiences, probably not. But to learn to love and embrace is where we get to pull our own spirit forward and in that way, reap the rewards. Maybe if we already had the wisdom, knowledge, loving, peace and acceptance we might be less challenged?
I celebrate your depth of character and all that it brings with it!
With love to you,
Anne
Just wanted to thank you for the article. I really learned a lot from it, the comments, and the thinking required for mine.... and it added to my 63rd.
Sincerely,
Lawson
You certainly contributed a lot on your 63rd!
Best to you,
Anne
Only to conservatives and only when it's somebody else
I have read many comments in response to Anne's article, and my heart reaches out to everyone who was courageous to share their stories. I live with epilepsy and there are times when I am propelled into a darker place, not of my own chosing. It is like falling into an endless abyss, that reoccurring nightmare, a small death. What I have learned after years of these episodes is that the suffering from a seizure can be a startling gift. When you emerge from the other side of yourself, there is the greatest relief. It takes me a few days to recover, to recharge and feel whole again. During that recouperation, nothing seems as sweet as the smaller things in my life. If there is nobility in suffering, I find myself standing taller and seeped with gratitude.
Your comment really touches and inspires me - thank you.
What you say here: "If there is nobility in suffering, I find myself standing taller and seeped with gratitude." is itself noble to me.
May you be abundantly blessed in every way.
Anne
Thank you for your kindness and affirmations.
May I offer this line from Rumi in return:
"We listen to words so we can silently reach into the other."
Love and Blessings to All,
SB
This is such a huge subject..... I believe there is no one, right answer. Someone once said, "We suffer so as not to feel pain." Perhaps suffering is born out of one's resistance to pain. What happens to physical pain when we "go with it" instead of contract against it? I have limited experience with this, but I have experienced that when i allow myself to become one with the pain, the pain disappears, whether its physical or emotional.
I think the human condition is wrought with suffering. Is it "necessary"? Who knows? Perhaps. According to Christianity, Christ suffered on the cross and it had a redeeming purpose. Have those who've given their lives in wars "fighting for their country", suffered and if so, for what purpose?
These are all very difficult and important questions. Thank you for raising them. I have no answers.
With love and appreciation,
Judith
I don't know if that's applicable to long-term illnesses like cancer, but that was my experience. Let it all flow through, don't try to ignore it and pretend it isn't there, but recognize that pain is not the entirety of life. CS Lewis wrote about the difference between "pain" and "misery", and maybe that's the difference between "feeling pain" and owning that pain, allowing it to become the sum total of your life experience.
One of those occasions when I was moved to write about the subject, perhaps not fully realizing how huge it is.
I agree there are some very difficult questions around suffering. No one right answer for me either. My heart goes out to anyone who suffers, no matter what the cause or the reason. If I were able to relieve suffering, I would want to do so.
With love as always to you,
Anne
In our language people suffer physical pain. They suffer grief and anguish at the loss of a loved one. I am in no way trying to diminish that, but would like to pull those terms out of the discussion for a moment and look at another kind of suffering: the kind we impose upon ourselves, the kind we do have a choice about.
The type of suffering I'm referring to is something we mentally attach to our pain, or our grief, or our loss of something in our life we deem important. In this case we suffer emotionally because in our minds we demand a different outcome from the hard reality of the situation we're faced with.
We can suffer over many things as a result of our inability to reach a state of acceptance of that which we cannot change. We often refuse to accept that what is, is. Our egos are in control and they want a different outcome so badly we will surely suffer for it.
We can choose to refuse to accept reality and experience emotional distress, even illness, as a result. Or we can choose to accept it as it is. That's the point I was trying to get across.
Noticed you are of the few who are aware of the degree to which ego rules us. :)
Respect.
Losing a loved one is a painful experience. It leaves us with an emptiness at the core of our being that takes time to heal. Sometimes, depending on the circumstances, we need to use forgiveness in order to fully heal, but that's a whole other topic. If we're emotionally healthy we will eventually heal.
Some folks just don't get over their loss. They can't accept it because their ego - which fully controls their thoughts - denies the reality of the situation. It clings to what was rather than accepting what is. The bottom line is if ego wants a different outcome and we are not to some degree aware and in control of it - and most of us aren't - we are guaranteed to suffer far beyond just the natural pain of loss. This is the kind of suffering I'm referring to, and it extends to all kinds of circumstances.
Think about the times you've resisted unchangeable circumstances in your life, and how the more you resisted the more miserable it made you, and you'll see what I mean.
Let's face it, ego is our supreme master. It is literally the source of all our thoughts, vanities, and fears, and in terms of consciousness is our most formidable foe, because it blinds us to true reality. For more on the insidious nature of ego see:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQ0dcgd1XLg