Have you ever found yourself asking, "What is my purpose?" Or, "What is life all about?" Or, "Why am I here?" I believe there are as many ways to answer those questions as there are people who ask them.
An answer that I have found for myself has to do with awakening the human spirit that I am -- the one that recognizes that same spirit in others. Central to that human spirit is the capacity and appetite to give and receive love, to experience love in its many dimensions.
In my recent article, "Coping With Unexpected Challenges From My Elderly Parents," I wrote about my mother being taken reluctantly to a nearby care home for two weeks, leaving my Dad in their apartment on his own with some space from her.
As the "wounded" party, Mum had visitors and plenty of support. Dad, on the other hand, was alone. I suspected might be lonely. With a couple of breaks, I called them every day. I noticed how Mum seemed to gain strength and a more confident sense of herself. She seemed more in charge of her life, more like her old self -- even though she was missing her home and her John.
Dad expressed confusion and disorientation. During that first week alone, he hallucinated about people stealing things, like his watch (which his caregiver found), dusters and apples. In the second week, he grew more relaxed and started speaking of his self-doubts. He saw himself as a miserable failure in life -- a dumb one who never had anything to say for himself. True, Mum had been the driving force in their marriage, and he had seemed happy enough to go along with her lead.
He spoke a few times of the amazing discovery he had made. He had been a full-time officer in the Royal Navy. We all thought that that had been his life and had been important to him. But no. He had only gone into the Navy because it was expected of him. His father, a successful Naval officer, had made it possible for him to enter the school for training officers. He was not bright enough to have gone on his own merit.
I reassured him that he was far from incapable in my eyes and had contributed a lot to people around him. He had been a keen and successful gardener. I told him that some of the things he was saying were rubbish and should go on the compost heap. That made him laugh.
Then he confessed to an affair that he had had during a tour of duty in the Caribbean. The affair had come to light because the lady in question had left him £250,000 in her will -- "for services rendered," he said. In a subsequent call, he said she was an older woman. She just wanted sex. This was bordering on the "too much information." But in fact, the blessing was that Dad was unburdening himself. I was honored that he was able to be so open with me. The thought did cross my mind that to have been left a not inconsiderable sum of money, he must have been good.
It occurred to me that all these years while his personality and ego were able to contain the self-doubts and his guilt, he had been able to contain and bury them. Now, in older age, the protective structure was crumbling to reveal what had been hidden and now needed clearing and cleansing from him.
Dad spoke of having been left behind in England at the age of two with his 11-year-old sister when their parents had gone to live in India. When he took my mother, brother and sister to his posting in the Caribbean, I was left in the charge of that same sister, Dawn. History repeated itself. Dawn told me how her little brother did not like the porridge he was given for breakfast. She would put it in an envelope and flush it away for him. That story used to make me feel very sad. He now felt the sadness of having been abandoned by his mother and how it had had a negative effect in his life. That made sense to me. His recalled his childhood as not being a happy one.
The blessing in all of this? The gift of awareness. I was recognizing in his self-doubts my own. He spoke of Mum being the life and soul of the party, while he just dragged along. He had nothing interesting to say. I, too, had found in my early adult life I had nothing to say in a social context. Self-doubt and self-judgment had robbed me of my self-confidence.
As he spoke, light bulbs went on for me. I saw how unconsciously I had inherited many of the limited patterns of belief and behaviour that have conditioned my life in the past. Dad was giving me a new sense of freedom. How? Because with awareness comes new choices. Through the loving present in our conversations, I was reassuring Dad and healing myself. He later spoke of my phone calls as being a lifeline for him. When I called, Mum and my sister Diana said he would almost run to the phone.
The second gift: forgiveness. In hearing about his affair, I could have felt a sense of betrayal on behalf of Mum. He had cheated on her. I could have judged him. But what use would that have served? He had suffered the guilt long enough. Every couple has their issues to work out. They need my love, empathy and understanding more than my judgment.
The third gift: gratitude. I am grateful that Dad was able to be honest and vulnerable with me. He spoke to my heart. I am grateful for their struggles, that I am able to view my own with greater compassion. I am grateful for the gift of their lives, and the gift of life they have given to me.
These three gifts -- awareness, forgiveness and gratitude -- I have found to open me to more of my spirit and the love that is in everyone around me. The gifts invite me not to condemn and blame, but to witness and observe. They make a connection to the best quality of life available to me.
No matter the conflicts and challenges that Mum and Dad have gone through in more than 66 years of marriage, I sense a deep and abiding love that they have for each other. After two weeks apart, Diana took Mum back to their apartment. Dad seems more relaxed and happy with her. My wish for them is that before the ends of their lives, they might come to more fully realize that love for themselves and the peace that will come with it. Who knows if that will be possible?
What are you most grateful for in your life, right now? What are the gifts of awakening you have experienced? Have you ever found the freedom that forgiving brings? I would love to hear from you.
Please feel free to leave a comment below or contact me at anne@annenaylor.com

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Ann Voskamp: How To Find The Holy Grail of Joy
Rita Altman, R.N.: What Children Can Teach Us About Alzheimer's
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Meaning of life - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Open Yourself to Your Life's Purpose - Listen to Your Inner Voice ...
.Perhaps the Buddha's 12 dependent origination is the most comprehensive understanding of these states.
Thank you for commenting. I love what you say about "a much more accepting viewpoint of life & the diverse people I share the world with". I echo what you say.
May you be richly blessed in every way!
Joy to you,
Anne
Thank you for sharing the touching journey of this relationship with your aging parents. Having taken this journey myself many years ago, reading your account takes me back to that time and I recall how precious those last years were. In fact, after my father died, my mom came to live with me for a few months and I got to know her better than I ever had. I'll never forget the time I spent with her, helping her grieve the loss of my dad, to whom she'd been married for 66 years. She actually began to blossom in ways I never suspected was possible.
Treasure this time, as I'm sure you do. And please keep sharing about it. Your experience touches many.
Much love to you,
Judith
There are moments when I wonder about the value of sharing this journey.
I have several times heard how older widows have come into their own after the passing of a beloved husband. My dear friend 93 year old Trixie is an amazing person who was devoted to her husband for 70 years, and since his passing 4 years ago, has picked up a wonderful social life for herself. She never ceases to inspire me.
Even though there is is some physical distance from my parents, I fell very close to them in my heart and we talk quite often on the phone. I do treasure this time.
Thank you so much for your wisdom and your warmth.
With love and appreciation as always,
Anne
I am grateful for you and your returning to huff po!
With love to you,
Anne
Another time, he was in the hospital and was getting near the end, and mom and I came into the room and found him completely lucid. He knew who we were, we talked about old times, he was completely himself. And at one point, he looked at my mom and said, "You're the most beautiful thing I ever saw." We had a great day together, but the next day he was back to a near-catatonic state and we put him into hospice care. When he was in hospice, he used to make long, exaggerated stepping motions with his legs, and I imagined that he thought he was out hiking the Colorado mountains with me again. Maybe, maybe not, but I really thought that at the time. He died, peacefully, about two weeks later.
Gratitude - If I was drowning, and I somehow struggled to the surface of the water and took a first, deep breath, I think my feeling about that breath would define the deepest experience of gratitude. Gratitude is the recognition that there is something in the world that you can't live without, and you have that something. To me, my wife is that something, and my son is, too. Whatever "life" is, mine would not exist without them. And, as luck would have it, tomorrow is our 29th anniversary - Happy Anniversary, Babe!
Congratulations on your anniversary! Coming up for 30th next, and the Pearl of great price. It seems to me as though you have already earned your wisdom stripes.
I am interested by your take on awareness. To focus on our shortcomings is a bit lowering I think. I wonder if "comparisons are odious" because when we look at the stars that we each are, we have our unique shine and sparkle. God bless us all in our sparkling firmament.
You are very blessed with your wife and son. I love how they bring you so much joy. Your comments are graced with great warmth - thank you again for contributing.
With love and appreciation to you,
Anne
The thing I am most grateful for, all the time, is contact with my beloved in Spirit. The four years since it began have been the best of my life. The love and joy it has brought are incomparable. It is the awakening - the shift away from the "even if psychic abilities exist, I don't have them" mindset to acceptance and perception. Forgiveness (given and, more importantly, asked for) relates to understanding that, whatever my beloved's family were like in their earthly days, they are not like that NOW, and resenting them on his behalf is all wrong. It's been a wonderful time and will only get better, whether here or There.
On an immediate level, I'm very grateful not to have been caught in the flash floods that hit Melbourne as the tail of Cyclone Yasi swung down over the continent. One tiny leak in the roof and that was it. I'm also very grateful my sister doesn't live in Queensland now.
Your gratitude is touching and expansive to me. When I hear about some of the climatic and other conditions that many are facing these days, I feel very grateful for the simple life that I enjoy and my challenges seem much lesser.
With warmest good wishes to you,
Anne
As for gifts of awakening and forgiving ...yes, to both ... and hopefully, many more to come as i evolve in my life.
Wishing you much more happiness and joy as your own life evolves.
Anne
Having Deb in my life -
What are the gifts of awakening you have experienced?
Training in India as a youth & becoming a Swami - with a Luminous Yoga Master -
a great awakening!
Have you ever found the freedom that forgiving brings?
Absolutely - we even wrote a blog called:
"If You Can't Forgive You Can't Dance"
Thank you Anne -
Ed
Ah yes, I remember well your Forgiving and Dancing blog.
The thing I love about awareness, forgiveness and gratitude is that they are all expansive. And expansion helps a life to be more fulfilling.
But then you know about that, don't you!
Laughter, smiles and joy to you,
Anne
"The thing I love about awareness, forgivenesÂs and gratitude is that they are all expansive. And expansion helps a life to be more fulfillingÂ."
Joy to you,
Anne
"We all deserve deep inner peace" - I am with you on this. I wish it for all human beings, and especially to those closest to me.
Thank you for contributing here.
With peace and joy to you,
Anne
What a gift it is, for you and your parents, to be able to be with them, like this.
Love, Viv
Thank you so much for your comment and insight. What you wrote is very touching to me.
I am very grateful that I am able to be with Mum and Dad, sometimes a little physical distance away, but nevertheless very close in my heart to who I feel they truly are - beyond their lifetime of learning, mistakes and all the stuff that goes to make up a life. A lot of joy, fun and laughter too.
The beauty of this opportunity is to be as complete as I can me in my loving for and with them.
With much love to you,
Anne