"Win as if you were used to it;
lose as if you enjoyed it for a change."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Winning, I have discovered, is an emotionally charged word. Does your winning mean that someone else has to lose? If you do not win, have you failed? Do you consider yourself a winner, or a loser? Do you have a choice in the matter?
In England, schools are taking out competitive sports so that children do not have to deal with losing. This could be short-sighted
In this video, Dan Snow talks about the value he experienced in twice being a member of the losing team in the prestigious Oxford and Cambridge boat race.
How you experience an event, and what you learn from participating in it, is much greater than winning or losing. Why? Because whether you "won" or "lost" in the eyes of the world, what you learn stays with you forever, and can go towards a greater outcome in the longer term. Thomas Edison "lost" 1,000 attempts at light bulb before he arrived at his winning solution.
"I love the winning, I can take the losing, but most of all I love to play."
-Boris Becker
Winning with spirit counts. Engaging your heart and your passion, your love to contribute; exercising your capacity for fulfilment; extending yourself beyond previous limiting beliefs about yourself, possibly self-imposed; breaking through a comfort zone.
Winning may awaken a spirit of generosity and gratitude. You have only to watch a theater, TV or movie award ceremony to hear a winner's appreciation being expressed to others who contributed to the success. Any book that is published generally has a page of acknowledgments to those who read, edited, criticized and gave their support and time to the end product. A winning result has brought people together through the focus on a common objective.
Whether your "team" is with your partner, your family, colleagues at work or an enterprise in your community, what is it you would like to win now?
Here are some suggestions for becoming a winner in your team:
1. Choose your intention or objective. What would you like to achieve, personally and as a team? How could you effect some changes or improvements at home; an innovation at work or in your community? How would you like to experience going towards your outcome? You might wish to better your financial situation; move to a new house more suited to your needs now; clean up a recreational area.
2. Agree the actions that each individual will take towards the shared commitment. Discuss the roles you wish to play in fulfilling the objective. Let each one choose for themselves how they wish to participate. Let each team member decide what they really enjoy. Envisage each one as a winner in their contribution. See the value each has to share.
3. Communicate. Talk openly and listen unconditionally with each other about the issues raised that are important to you. Take time to acknowledge and appreciate each other for actions taken, and qualities expressed. Look for the good in one another, more than you seek to find fault. If you need to give negative feedback, be caring in the process. Seek to serve.
4. Celebrate. Each step towards success, reward and praise each other.
5. Have fun. When things do not turn out as expected, look for the funny side and have a good laugh before you get going again. Make the process enjoyable. Pleasure will give you all more energy.
6. Complete. When you have achieved your result, take some time to evaluate what you gained, learned and appreciated about the experience. Forgive yourself, and anyone else, for those times things went wrong. What skills, strengths or qualities did you discover or develop in yourself on the way to your win? Have a party. Give yourselves a gift. Completing will help to close the door on one enterprise, and enable you to open to another, with fresh courage, inspiration and enthusiasm.
The incorrigible human spirit will pick itself up one more time after it has fallen down. Watch a baby learning to walk. The toddler does not dwell on the last stumble. He or she just keeps going until walking is mastered. Steps along the way are applauded and celebrated.
"Winning is about heart, not just legs. It's got to be in the right place."
-Lance Armstrong
Winning counts when each participant has received, when there has been a greater connection in the heart, when love has been expressed and experienced; when you are enriched, regardless of the intended outcome, when you have learned something of value to you, when you have served one or more others.
What have been your most memorable wins? Who do you consider to be an exceptional winner? When does winning count for you? I would love to hear from you.
Please feel free to leave a comment below, or contact me at anne@annenaylor.com

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I love this: "Find the game you love, play with all your heart, go the distance to give your best,practice skills to be the best you can be."
You make my heart sing!
Blessings and love to you,
Anne
In our hearts and minds, we can always be winners. We always are winners. So then we choose what we really want to win. And go for it until we achieve it.
Thank you very much for commenting, angrymanspokane.
With love and blessings to you,
Anne
Angel
So great to hear from you - thank you very much for dropping by.
One of my own lessons has been that of engaging fully with the opportunities life presents, and that I invite for myself - still learning that one! This path of learning is making for a very rich and rewarding experience - getting better!
What you say here really rings true for me.
Best love to you,
Anne
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You echo very much my own experience and views.
Health, wealth and happiness to you!
Anne
Winning is admirable and adorable and brings with it innate joy and gladness lasting moments in time, but we shouldn't build monuments around them, but count them as a phase in life and planning effectively to overcome the next challenge lest the glory passes and we become losers.
I appreciate your comment.
Warmest good wishes to you,
Anne
You bring up and sweep away all the crud that unknowingly block success. Action and completion become a joyful celebration. It's wonderful even thru the stress and strains.
Thanks for this article Anne.
Catherine
Communication, action and completion go a long way in my book towards winning the stated objective. The interesting part is being clear enough in the first place to get that intention set. Purpose and passion come in there.
Great to hear from you again! Thank you for dropping by. Have a great week.
With love and blessings to you,
Anne
It was very entertaining, but their situation they critique has some serious implications. Life is about winning a losing. Sports gives children, people, everyone a chance to win and lose in a controlled environment where the consequences of losing are controlled and safe. Unfortunately, we now so idolize winning that we want to sterilize things and protect our kids from such a terrible experience.
What craziness. Competitive sports should be encouraged as a way to learn about life and not as an end to themselves. They should be supported as part of the learning and educational process. The educators leading the way towards eliminating competitive sports probably weren't in sports as kids and probably never developed enough inner strength (maybe for the lack of sports in their lives) to stand up the parents who just don't know how to parent well.
Parenting in these days is no easy matter, so to choose how to be a good parent cannot be simple. Technologically, the world is rapidly advancing, but how do we prepare young people to be equipped for a world we do not yet know? What are the fundamentals that will make for happiness and success in the future? In the curriculum, what do you include and develop, and what do you eliminate?
I don't have the answers but I would be fascinated to know what they are?
Warmest good wishes to you,
Anne
The idea of removing competitive sports from school is worrisome. In an ideal world, one with no struggle, loss or heartache, it might be okay, but that isn't the world we live in.
Every life encounters challenges, obstacles and moments (hopefully only moments) of despair. The experience of losing and living on teaches us that we can cope with life. Winning reinforces the value of self discipline, teamwork and pursuing goals. The sweetest combination, winning after losing, shows us that we are resilient and that the past does not equal the future; we can grow and become better. These lessons are vital for an emotionally happy life.
A certain amount of opposition is a great help to a man. Kites rise against, not with, the wind.
- John Neal
Thanks for writing on this important topic.
Cynthia Occelli
I love this quote: "A certain amount of opposition is a great help to a man. Kites rise against, not with, the wind." - John Neal
I agree with what you say about the vital lessons for an emotionally happy life. The healthy pursuit of goals and objectives makes for a higher self-esteem, which is an asset in adult life.
With appreciation to you for your comment,
Anne
It is a great lesson for all of us!
"Winning is very much a mental game" - so very true. And a game that we all can play, if we choose.
Huge love and blessings to you,
Anne
We glorify winning so much that we discourage trying. But those who participate in life find life to be fulfilling and joyful - those who stay on the sidelines find life to be frustrating and incomplete. Get in the game, wherever your passion leads you. The passion to go and try and do, even at the risk of falling short, is the voice of God in your soul. God pushed the plates of the Earth together hard enough to make the Rocky Mountains, and he immediately sent his rain and wind and snow to grind them back down again. All our efforts are the same - they're outbursts of creative energy followed by results that fade away. The outcome of passion isn't the point - it's the experience of passion that makes us holy. Living out pure passion is its own reward.
I love what you say here: "The outcome of passion isn't the point - it's the experience of passion that makes us holy. Living out pure passion is its own reward. "
With love and joy to you,
Anne
When you are inwardly connected, you know when to act and when to hold - "to let go and let God". You have to participate fully to know when to be actively engaged and when to stand back. I see it a bit as being like a dance.
I see the joyful expression of the soul as being beyond the mental and emotional considerations that would hold us back from participating and experiencing the best our lives can be, or become.
With love and blessings to you,
Anne
I would agree: "Taking sports out of school is unthinkable." However someone has thought about it. In the British culture, Winning and success is sometimes frowned down upon as if everyone should be mediocre. In the last 20 or so years, this has changed a lot but there are still pockets I recognize where people hold themselves back.
The appetite for success in the American culture I find refreshing because anyone is encouraged to achieve what they really want.
Joy and happiness to you!
Anne
Not could be short sighted, but will be short sighted.
Kids need to learn how to deal with life - you are not happy all the time, and sometimes things happen that are disappointing. How do you learn to deal with that if you get a medal just for showing up at the soccer game?
How did we get into this feel good all the time society? No one feels good all the time. You have ups and downs and have to learn to handle your emotions when you don't get that promotion or if that woman in your office turns you down for a date. How will these kids ever learn to function well in society as adults?
Learning how to handle our emotions is part of what makes us giants in this world. We are so much more than our emotions.
With love and appreciation to you,
Anne
I love this blog! And, I missed you last week when away for a marathon meeting where there was no network coverage.
Your subject is a vital one. Paradoxically, I've learned the most about winning, when I didn't! My mother used to say that these are 'character building moments,' and, although I didn't like to hear it at the time, she was right. Losing is a wonderful opportunity, (once the owies are licked) to step back, examine agenda, attachments, and generally and specifically, how our value may have gotten misplaced to 'out there,' rather than an inside job. Of course, truth be told, I'm the first to raise my hand and say that 'winning' is sweet too. Lately, I've received such great input from the 'Coming Home' series (C.D.'s) and with that program, and all the work, and winning teamwork, and unexpected challenges, crossing the 'finish line' was marvelous.
I am so aware, at this stage in life, that nothing that really matters most happens solo. We are here as a team project, or as I like to call it "The Love Project." (carabarker.net)
One of the delights for me in writing for the HP is being on your team.
I wish you the world,
Cara
I am so honoured that you are on my Team! You are one who had so many triumphs through your dedication to loving. So happy to see you back here.
Thank you for your wonderful words of wisdom. Your living rich in the spirit is a joy and inspiration to me.
Heartfelt appreciation and blessings to you,
Anne
I met him in London after he lost at Wimbledon - He was cool :-)
Ed