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Annie Battles
Formerly a public relations/marketing professional at a lingerie and lifestyle company, Annie is now writer of funny things and barista on the side. A New York City native and Bard College graduate, she lives in Brooklyn with her cat, Baby Wayne.

Entries by Annie Battles

Hearing Aids, Allergies and Appendicitis: My Glorious Emergency

(0) Comments | Posted April 1, 2015 | 6:27 AM

"No mom, I definitely need a hearing aid."

My older sister Molly had gotten glasses and braces all in the same year. It was so unfair. In all of my eight years, I hadn't been gifted with any ailments or maladies to brag about. Nell K. broke her collarbone and...

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Blue Cake and Cheese Cloth: Why I'm Not Mad Nobody Cooked for Me Growing Up

(0) Comments | Posted August 4, 2014 | 5:40 PM


My family has a very funny relationship with food. We are all serious eaters. We enjoy the entire practice, from getting dressed for dinner, to stuffing our face with creamy pastas and fatty meats before insisting our "dessert pocket is empty" for the...

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The Myth of Adulthood

(0) Comments | Posted July 23, 2014 | 12:22 PM

Part of growing up, it would seem, is slowly realizing one's perspective is not the only one to exist. This realization is a slower process, however, than one would imagine. Writing a handwritten note "from the door man" to a neighbor in your apartment building who doesn't approve of rowdy...

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A Room That's a View: The Ostrich Theory

(0) Comments | Posted July 9, 2014 | 1:24 PM

In the apartment that I grew up in, the windows face out onto a beautiful view of the 59th street Bridge, the Chrysler and Empire State buildings, and the sparkling East River. They also face out onto the windows of about thirty six other apartments in my building complex. My...

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The Time I Threw Sand in My Cousin's Mouth and Blamed Him for It

(0) Comments | Posted July 1, 2014 | 1:31 PM

I've always been a little hard to contain. Some people call it joie de vivre, others, my psychiatrist included, call it ADD. One of the mainstays of my personality, and arguably a symptom of the disorder, is extremely impulsive behavior. I've had more than my fair share of face-squished, hands-over-eyes...

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I'm Not Religious, But I am a Little Buddhist

(1) Comments | Posted June 24, 2014 | 4:37 PM

I am a legitimate confirmation class dropout. My family used to go to a Presbyterian church, but quit after one too many screaming matches when I didn't get my weekly Pokemon card bribe for going to Sunday School. After that, as a family we were most invested in the church...

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My Parents Got Divorced When I Was 22 and I Still Want My Pity Party

(0) Comments | Posted June 20, 2014 | 2:44 PM

This piece first appeared on DANKE MAG. Visit Follow Danke Mag on Twitter: @dankemag.

My parents got divorced when I was 22.

It had been a huge year for me -- I graduated from college, started my first job and moved into my first post-grad...

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