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The Hills Recap: Some Stuff Happened and Stephanie is Not Familiar with Lacrosse

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Some stuff happened during The Hills' latest episode, called "A New Bird" but all I can remember is that Speidi was suspiciously absent (self-imposed lock-down in their house perhaps?) and that Stephanie Pratt doesn't know what lacrosse is.

I need to work through this issue for a moment. See, I realize that being from California, Stephanie Pratt may be less familiar with this sport as it's traditionally more popular on the East Coast, but I mean, didn't everyone in the country learn about lacrosse after that whole scandal with the Duke team? Okay fine, maybe Stephanie doesn't read the news, but she's a young girl in her twenties and for a while there that controversy was unavoidable. I just... I just don't understand. Stephanie is weird.

However, I do enjoy that MTV went a little bit of the after-school special route on us here, presenting Stephanie's frustration with being in AA and sober at age 23 in a way that actually makes sense, and miraculously had a well-intended message in showing a young woman struggling with balancing a social life and her sobriety in a culture and social scene where alcohol is prominent. (Also, kids, don't do drugs or drink because then you might not pay attention to the news or just life in general and you might not know what lacrosse is and that is just weird). Also: Lo makes for a great wing-woman. Well done, Lo!

On the Brody-Kristin front, their developing relationship only further proves the notion that the "friends with benefits" agreement never works. (So many things young girls can learn from this episode). And that chick Brody dated, the one who spelled her name funny? Well, I was convinced she was really Stacie the Bartender and the producers were trying to trick us. And then when Kristin was talking with Stacie the Bartender at the end (she was, right? That was Stacie the Bartender?) I just got even more confused and longed for the episodes where I can focus on the simple things like Spencer's rage and Heidi's massive breasts.

Finally, I have to wonder if Ryan Cabrera hates himself a little bit for agreeing to be on this show. I mean sure, he gets screen time and some convoluted self-promotion but I'm pretty sure if I were Ryan Cabrera, I would hate myself for being on The Hills.