It was on a brisk Saturday night in late September that I found myself at a classy cocktail party in Studio City, CA, mingling with an eclectic crowd and having a good laugh at vaginas.
Oh you read that right. Not only were we laughing at vaginas, but we were celebrating them! Okay, really it was a premiere party for the launch of the hilarious web videos selling "Just For Her Vagi-Wipes" from the "company" Lip Labs Ltd. It was a lovely evening, and a treat to see these fun faux-commercials on the big screen, all capped off with a rousing and in-unison chant of Lip Labs Ltd's company slogan: "Simple. Sanitary. Vagina!" But I need not go further. The commercials really speak for themselves. Check out the laugh-out-loud funny shorts below and a follow-up hilarious interview with the vagina behind the vaginas, writer-producer-director Jacq Lesko.
So, Jacq, what inspired you to make these commercials?
I was inspired by the fact that this type of product, moist towelettes for a woman's "sweet spot", actually exists in the real world, as opposed to in the land of make-believe. I found it offensive that my "sweet spot", which I would come to understand meant "vagina," needed freshening up with scents other than my own and via a moist towelette, no less. The jokes were too good to die alone in my head. So, in response, I, along with Gretchen von Togeln, created a fake company called Lip Labs Ltd that makes Just for Her Vagi-Wipes, which are 'vaginal cleansing cloths for your vagina'. (It is my mission, if it weren't already obvious, to use the word "vagina" as much as possible. Ed note: Girl, you're crushing it.) And as such, every burgeoning company needs a commercial, or two, which I wrote and directed, to sell their product, as well as a spokesperson -- her name is Dr. Notorious V.A.G. And yes, I do sell t-shirts.
T-shirts! I love merch! Do the T-shirts have pictures of vaginas on them? I don't know if we're there yet.
Sadly, no, we're not quite there yet as a society. But I am hopeful, and confident, it will happen in our lifetime. So, until that time comes, I'm content to use the company slogan: "Simple. Sanitary. Vagina."
It's been about a month now that the commercials have been online, how have people responded? Did you have a specific plan or goal in mind when putting them on the web?
They laugh, which is good, since I was trying to be humorous when I wrote them. And sometimes I get a hug, which is nice. My specific plan for putting them on web... World Domination. Why else does anyone put anything on the web? But I would settle for millions of people watching the commercials, blogging their awesomeness, re-posting and forwarding them to everyone they know. I don't think that's too much to ask. My goal is to have every person on the planet using the word "vagina" every day, freely, without shame or guilt because "vagina" is not a four-letter word. It's actually a six-letter word, but that's a whole other United States-has-declining-math-test-scores issue that I don't want to tackle right now.
You can take that on in your next round of web commercials. Speaking of, what other products do you think Lip Labs Ltd could sell?
I think the future is in sweat -- beneath-the-breast and ass-crack sweat. Or rather, the stoppage thereof. The studies have been done and they all come back the same -- no one wants to see a woman sweat, anywhere. It's unsightly. Especially when she's exercising. The under-arm market is covered, sure, but the beneath-the-breast and ass-crack market is wide open. I'm telling you, it's gonna be huge. As for right now, we are currently testing products specially made for men. I don't want to give too much away, but we've got scented moist towelettes for his scrotum. I think women all across the world will appreciate that one.
Yes. I support this. I am familiar with ass-crack sweat, or as it is known in some circles, "swampass" and want you to know I would fully support Lip Labs Ltd branching out in that direction.
Thank you for your support. And I'm sorry to hear you're "familiar with" this unfortunate socially crippling medical condition.
Okay moving on. Can you actually buy these vagi-wipes?
Yes, you can. But, you'd have to contact me directly and we'd have to have a chat about why you think you need these products and then I'd tell you that you are (and smell) beautiful just the way you are.
That's really pretty awesome and nice and supportive but what if it's for a stinky gal pal of mine? Or as a gag gift for say, a bachelorette party -- how can I get these?
First, give your stinky friend a hug -- she obviously needs one since you've just embarrassed her in front of millions of people. Secondly, they aren't real! But I do have some extras from the shoot (along with t-shirts) so leave me a nice message and we'll work something out.