Demi Moore's recent divorce from her younger husband, Ashton Kutcher, and subsequent trip to rehab for drug and alcohol addiction have been documented all too well in the tabloids. We read the headlines and exclaim over our shock and horror at Moore's "pathetic" behavior. Unable to keep her much younger man, losing the battle with Mother Nature, guilty for beginning to show her true age, Moore reportedly turned to substance abuse to keep her fledgling self-confidence afloat. We can balk as much as we want at Demi Moore's troubles, but how long can they distract us from our own insecurities?
With the deluge of bad press Demi has recently gotten it is easy to forget who this woman used to be, and I am sure somewhere deep inside, still is. Demi Moore was an icon in the 1980's, an original member of the "Brat Pack" with movies such as "St. Elmo's Fire," "Ghost" and "A Few Good Men" amongst countless others under her belt.
She was also a trailblazer for women in Hollywood, breaking the film industry's glass ceiling by becoming the first female actress to secure a $12 million paycheck, a salary once only paid to male actors.
But apparently all that is irrelevant now, none of it matters anymore as Moore sits in rehab in Utah with Brooke Mueller, the infamous ex-wife of Charlie Sheen known for her addiction to crack cocaine. Could this story get any sadder?
When news of Moore's troubles first broke, I found myself reading the news on my computer screen in shock and disbelief, but also in anger and guilt. "Look what we have done to this woman," I thought to myself. We can all try to wash our hands of Demi's demise, but we are all ultimately responsible for it. Every time we looked at a picture of her, or any other "aging" actress and poked fun at her looking old, looking "tired" we fed the machine that makes us believe that somehow ageing is wrong.
Moore is a product of our youth-obsessed culture which teaches women from when they are girls that we are valued by our beauty. We are taught to stay young and thin at any cost, and there is no other industry that consistently reinforces that message more than Hollywood. It is clear that we are all buying and believing this message.
The fact of the matter is the film industry, in the US and around the world, has pitted women against Mother Nature. It's an impossible battle to win and we all know it. But when women remind other women of that fact, like Demi Moore has, we blame and label them as failures, shower them with pity and disgust. We think they are "pathetic."
What makes it even easier for the public to "ooh" and "aah" over Demi Moore's troubles is the added element of heartbreak from her divorce from Ashton Kutcher. This layer of rejection frames Moore as a failure, completely masking her once stellar and iconic career. What is even more depressing about this story is that when you look at pictures of Moore, her insecurities appear to be tangible, you can almost reach out and touch how badly Moore feels about herself. Her lack of confidence is palpable.
Abandonment coupled with age in a town like Hollywood makes us feel sorry for Moore, but deep down we are actually terrified because we know what happened to her can happen to us. We are all equally vulnerable to our insecurities. Everyone of us fears rejection and heartbreak.
We are all products of our society and that society is youth-obsessed. Demi Moore embodies that obsession. Can there be a worse place to grow old than in Hollywood where as a woman you can literally find yourself out of work because you had the audacity to age? The sad fact is as we grow older, women around the world, but especially those working in films, are told that they are worthless. How ridiculous and wrong is that?
There are countless stories about how infatuated Moore was with youth, surrounding herself with young people, partying with her daughter, and hitting on teen heartthrobs such as Zac Efron. She was apparently obsessed with staying thin and before the actress's now infamous 911 call, Moore's weight had dropped to scarily unhealthy levels.
At her age, a woman should be comfortable in her skin, glowing in her life's accomplishments. One look at Moore and you can tell she would rather be anywhere else but in her own body.
I can only hope that Moore comes out of this with her honor and self- assurance in tact. She is Demi Moore! I still cannot believe we are feeling so sorry for the woman who once lit up the screens as a goddess in films like GI Jane, Disclosure, and of course, Ghost.
Whether or not Demi survives this challenge in her life, the sad truth is that it will only be a matter of time before another actress falls to a similar fate. That is until we break the cycle, redefine what society tells us is beautiful, and embrace the fact that ageing is a fact of life.
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"Every time we looked at a picture of her, or any other "aging" actress and poked fun at her looking old, looking "tired" we fed the machine that makes us believe that somehow ageing is wrong."
No me, I respect women.
Elaine Luze Neto
Brazil
Whenever I hear someone assign blame to “us” because someone I don’t know or care about has gone off the rails, I am reminded yet again that personal responsibility has become passé, while entitlement remains de rigueur.
And for every train wreck of a Hollywood celeb in denial of life's arc (like Demi Moore), you have a countervailing example of strength and character in someone like Meryl Streep, or Helen Mirren or Betty White.
To a great degree, life is what we make it. Moore made a mess of her life, and that's her doing and no one else's. Whitney did the same. Now Whitney is dead. Let's hope Moore can find her way to authentic recovery.
Sound, normal women at 50 include Julianne Moore, Laura Linney, Catherine Keener, Annette Bening, Sheryl Crow, Marisa Tomei, etc. All beautiful, all working, all admired by their fans.
The only pressure about youth is the one you put on yourself.
Second, the insecurities of people in the acting industries are huge. Very few get through the ups and downs without their share of problems, with their changing looks and the roles available. Men don't escape it either, but we as a society are only now slowly putting women on the screen in the kinds of parts they play in real life.
Third, Demi has an addition problem. Chicken, egg, who knows. Things happen in an addict's personal life and they have a flare up. I wish her luck in getting well and I hope her next man will be a more solid choice and she will find the thing that's special about herself when no one is looking.