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On February 20, 2007 , my brother, Sgt. Brian Rand, shot himself on the banks of the Cumberland River near Fort Campbell, Kentucky. He was 26 years old, just back from Iraq, and about to become a father.
Last Memorial day my family and I mourned my brother, quietly and alone.
This will be the second Memorial Day since Brian's death. I have a Memorial Tattoo event planned at my business, Alien Art Studio located outside Camp LeJeune Marine Corps base main gate, in North Carolina. I will be spending the day with Iraq war veterans, active duty soldiers, Iraq Veterans Against War members, and military families, honoring the memory of those killed in this war -- both the 4,080 killed in combat and the many more, as yet uncounted, who died because they couldn't live with the horrors they had witnessed.
We need this event to join together and to heal together. At this event I will be presenting the rose that I plucked from my brother's grave site one year, three months, and six days earlier, to the Iraq Veterans Against War Washington D.C. chapter. You'd never know it by looking at the rose now, but it used to be colorful and full of life.
Brian was one of more than a hundred active duty soldiers to commit suicide last year. The Veterans Administration now admits that 1,000 veterans are attempting suicide every month. The Army is trying to blame these deaths on personal problems and failed relationships. Earlier this year, their top suicide expert, Col. Elspeth Ritchie, even put some of the blame on military families, telling a reporter that "Families are getting tired. Therefore, sometimes they're more irritable, sometimes they don't take care of each other the way they should, are not as nurturing as they should be."
But the families who Col. Ritchie wants to blame for the rising suicide rate are the very families that built our soldiers strong. It was the families that took great pride in their boys and girls for the entirety of the soldiers' lives. These people were strong, loving, American families long before they even became a soldier. It was the war experience that broke them down. Our sons, daughters, brothers, and sisters wouldn't have killed themselves without the sadness and trauma stemming from this unjust war.
During his first deployment to Iraq , Brian started having recurring dreams about an Iraqi man he killed. He told me "I saw him standing over me when I was in bed. He's mad at me. He looks like an angry shadow. I think he's been following me around." I talked my brother to sleep every night for the rest of that deployment.
Speaking in a very quiet voice, careful not to make any sudden noises, I would tell him "The grass is still green over here. The sky is still blue. Just close your eyes and picture the lawn that we laid on staring up at that sky. And it's still there. When you get back, when your job is done, when you do everything that they ask you to do, come back to me and we'll lay on the grass and we'll stare at the sky and we don't have to talk about anything. Just simply exist." I gave Brian my love often by giving him my undivided attention and reassuring him that the family and I are so proud. I couldn't wait until we could lay on the grass together.
But we never got to do that. By the time Brian got home from Iraq, he was being haunted night and day. His moods began to swing from one extreme, to the other without warning. He went to an Army psychologist for an examination in which he showed all the worst symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. But instead of giving him treatment, the Army ordered him back to Iraq three days after the exam. Brian called his family the night before being sent back to Iraq. He sounded subdued, like he was in a cold, robotic calm. He said that he had no choice. I begged Brian pathetically to bring the psychological exam papers to the commander of his unit. He informed me, "That is not an option."
In Iraq, Brian's PTSD kept getting worse. Lost in a delusion, he stabbed one of his fellow soldiers and got sent back to Fort Campbell. But he still never got the help he needed. There are a lot of 'should haves' and 'could haves' on the Army's behalf that could have prevented my brother's death. The Army should have concentrated on healing him. They broke him, they fix him. The Army could have placed him in a safe place with safe people to understand him while he was in his darkest times. The Army should have invested a little time and money into research on how they could prepare for the distressed men and women that are coming home after witnessing the horrors of war, long before they were sent to the war. The Army should have the most updated psychological approaches and treatments to offer our loved ones, our troops.
Our troops have been pushed to their limit. There are thousands of Americans like me who are living in agony over the self murder of a dear loved one. For me, it was my brother that broke my heart, for others it was a son that was lost. Still others, a daughter, a husband, a daddy, a mommy... lost to the senseless occupation in Iraq. Our troops are suffering. Their families are grieving. Their friends are feeling helpless.
The Army continues to deny soldiers like my brother the help they need. Too many are being sent back to Iraq while they are still struggling with PTSD. I don't think the military knows how to heal these invisible wounds to the hearts, minds, and spirits the troops that they send out to Iraq, repeatedly.
The Iraq war is not going to be won by throwing our blood and money at it. Our soldiers don't want to watch their friends die anymore. The funny thing about American families is that we don't want to lose a single member. That is just not all right with us. Losing my younger brother was not worth whatever the current administration is selling.
The only effective way to address the epidemic of military suicides is to stop the trauma that makes our strong and loving troops want to take their own lives: Prevent the scars, prevent the external mutilations, prevent the internal spiraling depressions by bringing our troops home, now.
April Somdahl has been an active member of Military Families Speak Out since June 2007, inspired by her beloved brother's suicide.
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We always did the best we could in making sure servicemem
I'm sorry you feel let down by the services in place to help servicemem
At the time in 2005 to 2006, a service member such as yourself was not reaching out to my brother. Brian wanted help with his mental health issues. He actively went out looking for help from the family, the military, and then from various churches in the Fort Campbell area. What my brother got from the Army psychologi
What I am trying to say is, I don't blame the person who has offered him the only comfort coming from the psychologi
I don't have to tell you this is an isolated situation for those coming back from Iraq, sometimes for the second or third time. I am a pacifist but I'll be damned if I am going to let the young men and women who fight for this country be screwed over by their government
Doug Barber and his family get my love. When you wrote that "The best he could get after 18 months was a prescripti
The government is using and abusing our fine military people. Using them up to the point of depletion. I have spoken with hundreds of active duty and veterans who tell me that the main reason for wanting to go back to Iraq is to support their fellow soldier. I say 'fellow soldiers', but what that means is a deep brotherhoo
Thank you, Clevelandc
My Deepest Condolence
Congress" Memorial Day recess gives constituen
Anti-War Toolbox:
http://www
http://www
http://www
Numerous national polls show that a supermajor
This May 2008 poll shows that 85% of Democrats want U.S. troops home within six months. Furthermor
http://www
The current war funding debate will likely be our last best chance to cut Iraq war funding for another year.
Special Election on Iraq War Funding
Congress’ Memorial Day recess gives constituen
War Funding Recommenda
1. Reduce Iraq war funding to HALF of the requested amount for FY2008 and continue to dial down spending in successive years. This will send a clear signal that we don’t intend to occupy Iraq indefinite
2. Fund only FY2008 Iraq war operations (instead of combining funding for FY2008 and FY2009) so that the people don’t lose their chance to participat
3. Put war funding on a pay-as-you
4. Congressio
The purchase was completed three days after his funeral. My fourteen acres lay empty, now, at one year, three months, one week and one day later. I must admit that I am adjusting blueprints to build a church inspired dream home on it, in the hopes that Brian finds a way to my church in spirit.
All I can say is thank you.
I, too, am a member of MFSO. My son-in-law is a psychologi
Blessings to you and your family on this Memorial Day.
MFSO was right, and I am very happy to meet all of you.
Your son-in-law is an angel in the chaos. Isn't it true that a child doesn't have to grow under your heart, to grow in your heart? I agree, the trauma is too big, there's too many, and if we don't apply the brakes now, we are going to run head on into a much bigger mess than the current administra
I pray for your son-in-law
I will think about Sgt. Brian Rand today.
I will also pray for our soldiers who, like Brian, are being pushed further than they ever should have been, for a war that never should have been waged.
the RICO Act - which was drafted to bust up the MOB - covers all the basics.
the PNAC group has cut-and-ru
peace
Also, there really is no amount of money that could replace Brian, or make his death * "worth it".
I guess I would give it all away to MFSO and the Iraq Veterans Against the War. (IVAW)
*On the fifth anniversar
There is no way that I can imagine a way for any soldier's death to be worth it.... in fact, the words 'worth it' and the word 'death' ... don't ever belong in the same sentence.
Peace and Solidarity
When I meet a soldier who has stood still in the middle of the road, I pick him up and tell them to go to the Iraq Veterans Against the War (IVAW.org)
I spent Memorial Day surrounded by active duty guys and Iraq war vets. They came from different states to join the Memorial Event at my home and business. When the event was coming to a close, we gathered on my trampoline in my back yard. They traded stories from Iraq with each other. I, on the other hand, was admiring the stars on my trampoline instead of the ones hanging out in the sky.
Peace
I am sorry for your loss.
However, there is a collective denial/hal
How can a govt that tortures and has secret prisons, invades a sovereign nation and brutalizes their people possibly CARE about the welfare of its troops? We are not talking about a cultural institutio
There is something abhorrent in killing and the trauma suffered in taking another life is profound:
March 13-16, 2008: US Vets, Active-Dut
http://www
I grew up in a marine corps family, and my brother joined the Army. I see your illustrati
I was at the Winter Soldier testimony during March 12th to the 17th. I cherish my Winter Soldier Ally badge, and hold it often. I watched every panel that I could, and spoke in the halls and parking lot with a lot of people. I testified for Winter soldier, that testimony can be found at MFSO.org and do a search for April Somdahl. Half of the guests at out Memorial event were vets that I had met there.
The cold fact is that not enough people care as long as there is not a draft. Most people in the US just don't care until it's their family member of friend. Especially the magnetic ribbon crowd.
My condolence
God Bless.