Mourning My Brother and an Unjust War
Read more about Memorial Day from Huffington Post bloggers.
On February 20, 2007 , my brother, Sgt. Brian Rand, shot himself on the banks of the Cumberland River near Fort Campbell, Kentucky. He was 26 years old, just back from Iraq, and about to become a father.
Last Memorial day my family and I mourned my brother, quietly and alone.
This will be the second Memorial Day since Brian's death. I have a Memorial Tattoo event planned at my business, Alien Art Studio located outside Camp LeJeune Marine Corps base main gate, in North Carolina. I will be spending the day with Iraq war veterans, active duty soldiers, Iraq Veterans Against War members, and military families, honoring the memory of those killed in this war -- both the 4,080 killed in combat and the many more, as yet uncounted, who died because they couldn't live with the horrors they had witnessed.
We need this event to join together and to heal together. At this event I will be presenting the rose that I plucked from my brother's grave site one year, three months, and six days earlier, to the Iraq Veterans Against War Washington D.C. chapter. You'd never know it by looking at the rose now, but it used to be colorful and full of life.
Brian was one of more than a hundred active duty soldiers to commit suicide last year. The Veterans Administration now admits that 1,000 veterans are attempting suicide every month. The Army is trying to blame these deaths on personal problems and failed relationships. Earlier this year, their top suicide expert, Col. Elspeth Ritchie, even put some of the blame on military families, telling a reporter that "Families are getting tired. Therefore, sometimes they're more irritable, sometimes they don't take care of each other the way they should, are not as nurturing as they should be."
But the families who Col. Ritchie wants to blame for the rising suicide rate are the very families that built our soldiers strong. It was the families that took great pride in their boys and girls for the entirety of the soldiers' lives. These people were strong, loving, American families long before they even became a soldier. It was the war experience that broke them down. Our sons, daughters, brothers, and sisters wouldn't have killed themselves without the sadness and trauma stemming from this unjust war.
During his first deployment to Iraq , Brian started having recurring dreams about an Iraqi man he killed. He told me "I saw him standing over me when I was in bed. He's mad at me. He looks like an angry shadow. I think he's been following me around." I talked my brother to sleep every night for the rest of that deployment.
Speaking in a very quiet voice, careful not to make any sudden noises, I would tell him "The grass is still green over here. The sky is still blue. Just close your eyes and picture the lawn that we laid on staring up at that sky. And it's still there. When you get back, when your job is done, when you do everything that they ask you to do, come back to me and we'll lay on the grass and we'll stare at the sky and we don't have to talk about anything. Just simply exist." I gave Brian my love often by giving him my undivided attention and reassuring him that the family and I are so proud. I couldn't wait until we could lay on the grass together.
But we never got to do that. By the time Brian got home from Iraq, he was being haunted night and day. His moods began to swing from one extreme, to the other without warning. He went to an Army psychologist for an examination in which he showed all the worst symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. But instead of giving him treatment, the Army ordered him back to Iraq three days after the exam. Brian called his family the night before being sent back to Iraq. He sounded subdued, like he was in a cold, robotic calm. He said that he had no choice. I begged Brian pathetically to bring the psychological exam papers to the commander of his unit. He informed me, "That is not an option."
In Iraq, Brian's PTSD kept getting worse. Lost in a delusion, he stabbed one of his fellow soldiers and got sent back to Fort Campbell. But he still never got the help he needed. There are a lot of 'should haves' and 'could haves' on the Army's behalf that could have prevented my brother's death. The Army should have concentrated on healing him. They broke him, they fix him. The Army could have placed him in a safe place with safe people to understand him while he was in his darkest times. The Army should have invested a little time and money into research on how they could prepare for the distressed men and women that are coming home after witnessing the horrors of war, long before they were sent to the war. The Army should have the most updated psychological approaches and treatments to offer our loved ones, our troops.
Our troops have been pushed to their limit. There are thousands of Americans like me who are living in agony over the self murder of a dear loved one. For me, it was my brother that broke my heart, for others it was a son that was lost. Still others, a daughter, a husband, a daddy, a mommy... lost to the senseless occupation in Iraq. Our troops are suffering. Their families are grieving. Their friends are feeling helpless.
The Army continues to deny soldiers like my brother the help they need. Too many are being sent back to Iraq while they are still struggling with PTSD. I don't think the military knows how to heal these invisible wounds to the hearts, minds, and spirits the troops that they send out to Iraq, repeatedly.
The Iraq war is not going to be won by throwing our blood and money at it. Our soldiers don't want to watch their friends die anymore. The funny thing about American families is that we don't want to lose a single member. That is just not all right with us. Losing my younger brother was not worth whatever the current administration is selling.
The only effective way to address the epidemic of military suicides is to stop the trauma that makes our strong and loving troops want to take their own lives: Prevent the scars, prevent the external mutilations, prevent the internal spiraling depressions by bringing our troops home, now.
April Somdahl has been an active member of Military Families Speak Out since June 2007, inspired by her beloved brother's suicide.
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April, I'm sorry for your grief and the loss of your brother. My last duty before retiring involved casualty calls. I've seen first hand the effect the loss of a family member in combat and non combat event has.
We always did the best we could in making sure servicemembers got the help they needed when coming home. We brought familiies in and talked to them about what to look for and where to go if they became concerned about emotional health issues. Our Marines went through extensive debriefing on what would be available to them once they were stateside. We always emphisized contacting the chain of command as well as using www.militaryonesource.com as a reference for help and family services on base. The goals in these efforts were to make sure both the servicemember and families understood what was available to them as well as reduce the intimidation factor that sometimes exists in a military environment. I think we did a pretty good job all things considered.
I'm sorry you feel let down by the services in place to help servicemembers like your brother. It leads me to wonder if folks like myself charged in making sure these services were available some how failed your family. I think back on my time in the service as a midlevel commander and I believe we did everything possible to try to guard against the very events that you describe about your brother. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
I personally thank you for being a strong, caring soldier doing the work of cleaning up the mental mess that this unjust war leaves behind. My heart goes out to you, too. I have heard that people in your position were getting overloaded with too many cases. Rest assured, I do not blame you.
At the time in 2005 to 2006, a service member such as yourself was not reaching out to my brother. Brian wanted help with his mental health issues. He actively went out looking for help from the family, the military, and then from various churches in the Fort Campbell area. What my brother got from the Army psychologist was a good recommendation to be honorably discharged in a smooth, non-punishment way. My brother and I felt relieved with that. But, the commanding officer told Brian that he would have none of that, and told my brother that he was ' faking it so he didn't have to go back to Iraq'...
What I am trying to say is, I don't blame the person who has offered him the only comfort coming from the psychologist. I blame the rest, who didn't take the psychologist's recommendations, as well as the out-dated psychology that the military still has in use. With deep mental stress, deeper mental reprogramming is needed in a hardcore, hypnotic correction.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am so angry your brother did not get the help he needed. This weekend I worked the 'Eyes Wide Open Exhibit' in my town. There was a memorial up against a tree away from all of the boots for a man who committed suicide named Doug Barber, he tried to get help for two years. The best he could get after 18 months was a prescription and a once every three month therapy session. He knew it wasn't enough and he knew he couldn't go on so he found a way to end the pain.
I don't have to tell you this is an isolated situation for those coming back from Iraq, sometimes for the second or third time. I am a pacifist but I'll be damned if I am going to let the young men and women who fight for this country be screwed over by their government. I know why they go and I even agree with their reasoing, they believe they're going to be taken care of and get to do some good. They shouldn't come home to nothing, they shouldn't come home to nobody helping them get through their hell. But why isn't that happening? Because nobody is fighting for it and the media is ignoring the whole war. This is the war nobody saw. No wonder these guys are so lonely in their pain.
Thank you, Clevelandchick. I am angry about him not getting help, also. I continue to get angry about the men and women that are getting diagnosed with PTSD and are still being redeployed to combat. It might be too late for Brian, but these soldiers and marines still have a chance to a life of healing.
Doug Barber and his family get my love. When you wrote that "The best he could get after 18 months was a prescription and a once every three month therapy session. He knew it wasn't enough..." Really speaks to me, and I agree, it wasn't enough. My brother didn't get his first follow up therapy session until he was dead for 5 months.
The government is using and abusing our fine military people. Using them up to the point of depletion. I have spoken with hundreds of active duty and veterans who tell me that the main reason for wanting to go back to Iraq is to support their fellow soldier. I say 'fellow soldiers', but what that means is a deep brotherhood, value and respect that these people have bonded through the family environment of the military. In my opinion, the military is wonderfully powerful, but the government is not even seeing them as people... more like they are just a number.
Thank you, Clevelandchick for taking part in the " Eyes Wide Open Exhibit " ... that impresses me completely. I am proud of you.
Dear April Somdahl,
My Deepest Condolences to You and Your Family.
Thank you.
Special Election on Iraq War Funding
Congress" Memorial Day recess gives constituents a one-week window of opportunity to let their representatives know their thoughts on Iraq war funding (HR 2642) before the House votes again on this issue after the recess. This is the closest we"re going to get to having a special referendum on whether to continue the war in Iraq.
Anti-War Toolbox:
http://www.congress.org/ enables users to e-mail all of their representatives with one click.
http://www.govtrack.us/congress/vote.xpd?vote=h2008-328 shows how your U.S. representative voted on Iraq war funding (HR 2642) on 5/15/08, vote #328.
http://www.govtrack.us/congress/vote.xpd?vote=s2008-139 shows how your senators voted on Iraq war funding (HR 2642) on 5/22/08, vote #139.
Numerous national polls show that a supermajority of 62% to 68% of voters oppose the war in Iraq. http://pollingreport.com/iraq.htm
This May 2008 poll shows that 85% of Democrats want U.S. troops home within six months. Furthermore, only 23-33% of Republicans polled favored funding the war in Iraq for another year! http://www.democrats.com/iraq-poll-2
http://www.alternet.org/waroniraq/83035/ 12 Reasons Why Leaving Iraq is the Only Sane Thing to Do -- by Tom Engelhardt, Tomdispatch.com
The current war funding debate will likely be our last best chance to cut Iraq war funding for another year.
Very sorry for our loss. Here's some good news:
Special Election on Iraq War Funding
Congress’ Memorial Day recess gives constituents a one-week window of opportunity to let their representatives know their thoughts on Iraq war funding (HR 2642) before the House votes again on this issue after the recess. This is the closest we’re going to get to having a special referendum on whether to continue the war in Iraq.
War Funding Recommendations for Congress:
1. Reduce Iraq war funding to HALF of the requested amount for FY2008 and continue to dial down spending in successive years. This will send a clear signal that we don’t intend to occupy Iraq indefinitely.
2. Fund only FY2008 Iraq war operations (instead of combining funding for FY2008 and FY2009) so that the people don’t lose their chance to participate in this funding debate again in September.
3. Put war funding on a pay-as-you-go basis, so that deficit funding for the war doesn’t further weaken the dollar, thus increasing the price of gas, etc. If our wars are important enough to ask our troops to fight and die for, we should at least be willing to bear the burden of financing them on a cash basis.
4. Congressional votes on Iraq war funding should reflect the widespread popular opposition to the war (62-68% opposed). Even if the President doesn’t listen to the people on this issue, Congress should.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Being that your brother took his own life, it is almost criminal of the army not to address the needs of the soldiers who need psychological care and a supportive environment. I am very sorrow for your loss and for something which may have been preventable. Your support for your brother was wonderful and inspiring.
You bring tear to my eyes. If I was a better sister, I would have kidnapped Brian, and grounded him to my side. I had started paperwork to purchase fourteen acres in the childhood area, where we chased butterflies and played. I told Brian that I had planned to build a log cabin pioneer town on it... complete with country store and little schoolhouse. He asked me if I could put the general store next to the road so he could sell my garden delights. I told him I would. I guess this was his project for me to focus on, to distract me, maybe?
The purchase was completed three days after his funeral. My fourteen acres lay empty, now, at one year, three months, one week and one day later. I must admit that I am adjusting blueprints to build a church inspired dream home on it, in the hopes that Brian finds a way to my church in spirit.
All I can say is thank you.
i am so very sorry about your brother's death, and I appreciate your writing of his death to bring attention to this horrible situation which is facing so many soldiers....
I, too, am a member of MFSO. My son-in-law is a psychologist in the Army Reserves, now serving his 3rd deployment, another year in Iraq. Unfortunately, I can tell you based on his experiences that the Army, both active duty and reserves, doesn't have anywhere near the number of mental health personnel they need to deal with this swelling crisis. There certainly aren't enough on the ground in Iraq and Afghanistan, and those who are there are just overwhelmed by what they are dealing with. On top of that, the mental health people themselves are enduring multiple, long deployments. I know my son-in-law is doing the very best he can, but he and all the other soldiers over there are all in an almost impossible situation.
Blessings to you and your family on this Memorial Day.
At this point in my life, all I can do is survive and speak out with MFSO, Military Families Speak Out, they have lifted me through some very dark times, wrapped their arms around me and kept me in a safe place while I got some of it out. MFSO held my hand through some very hard steps towards healing. Along the healing path they always accepted me for me. When I wanted to give up, they presented me with a carrot to chase. The carrot took the description of many truly great American people, that, if I kept on going, I would have the great fortune of meeting.
MFSO was right, and I am very happy to meet all of you.
Your son-in-law is an angel in the chaos. Isn't it true that a child doesn't have to grow under your heart, to grow in your heart? I agree, the trauma is too big, there's too many, and if we don't apply the brakes now, we are going to run head on into a much bigger mess than the current administration is currently making.
I pray for your son-in-law's caring heart, and as a MFSO member, I can say that I love you.
I am so sorry.
I will think about Sgt. Brian Rand today.
I will also pray for our soldiers who, like Brian, are being pushed further than they ever should have been, for a war that never should have been waged.
Thank you. They all need all of us just as much as all of us need them. You are right... never should have been waged.
i think the best course of action would be for your family and the others you are in contact with to file suit against the authors of this 'war'. it was a conspiracy to commit fraud from the very beginning and your families were all used as pawns.
the RICO Act - which was drafted to bust up the MOB - covers all the basics.
the PNAC group has cut-and-run with their collective tails between their legs, but they're all out there somewhere. take their profits away from them - you all deserve the money and would use in much better ways.
peace
I can't file a suit against anyone at this point. I agree with what you say, but my heart would explode if it had to endure a lawsuit. I can't speak for the future, though, so I'll read the RICO Act for basic information and ask MFSO a few questions about that. They know these things.
Also, there really is no amount of money that could replace Brian, or make his death * "worth it".
I guess I would give it all away to MFSO and the Iraq Veterans Against the War. (IVAW)
*On the fifth anniversary of the Iraq invasion, Bush went in front of America and gave his speech, saying " The families losses are exaggerated and worth it"
There is no way that I can imagine a way for any soldier's death to be worth it.... in fact, the words 'worth it' and the word 'death' ... don't ever belong in the same sentence.
Peace and Solidarity
Today is set aside to remember the soldiers who never made it home-and many of us gather at gravesites and memorials to lay flowers & flags and say a prayer. But there are thousands of others, not yet dead, but not quite living....not able to find their way all the way home... trapped in a limbo of bad dreams and unending horror. Not quite fitting in the place they held before... strangers to their loved ones... unable to explain why they can't stay still, can't sleep, can't shut out the screams that only they can hear. They have bravely faced enemy fire, walked paths fraught with hidden danger-but cannot bear the fear and pain and tears on the faces of confused loved ones-and so they wander-drifting from town to town. Many will seek food, shelter and counseling from local social service agencies. Please make sure they get it. Give.
Beautifully put.Thank you for those words.
When I meet a soldier who has stood still in the middle of the road, I pick him up and tell them to go to the Iraq Veterans Against the War (IVAW.org). I give my love and time for my brother to the IVAW, so if you hear me talk about them, that is why. They experienced Iraq. They ALL have a story to tell from their experience that needs to be heard.
I spent Memorial Day surrounded by active duty guys and Iraq war vets. They came from different states to join the Memorial Event at my home and business. When the event was coming to a close, we gathered on my trampoline in my back yard. They traded stories from Iraq with each other. I, on the other hand, was admiring the stars on my trampoline instead of the ones hanging out in the sky.
Peace
"The Army should have concentrated on healing him. They broke him, they fix him.....The Army should have invested a little time and money into research on how they could prepare for the distressed men and women that are coming home after witnessing the horrors of war.... "
I am sorry for your loss.
However, there is a collective denial/hallucination about the purpose of the military in modern day america. THis denial parallels the denial of gun-lovers and owners. We seem to have disconnected ourselves from the purpose of an army (or guns) . It is about killing; killing other people and traumatizing other people. The harm and mayhem that the US military continues to cause other nationals is unprecedented and there is still no end in sight.
How can a govt that tortures and has secret prisons, invades a sovereign nation and brutalizes their people possibly CARE about the welfare of its troops? We are not talking about a cultural institution or a non profit; it is the US military whose mission it is to cause shock and awe through killing, maiming and destruction. All who sign up are signing up to learn how to kill.
There is something abhorrent in killing and the trauma suffered in taking another life is profound:
March 13-16, 2008: US Vets, Active-Duty Soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan Testify About the Horrors of War in Echo of 1971 Hearings
http://www.democracynow.org/features/winter_solider
I'm sorry, you misunderstood me. What I mean by that is Brian was able to make goals and go through his day to day life before his experience that he lived through in the Iraq war. If the government would provide the same amount of money into helping our soldiers as they pay for the Iraq war, in my opinion, the military would be able to pay for more psychologist, new psychological techniques training, fabulously modern facilities to house our vets while they heal.
I grew up in a marine corps family, and my brother joined the Army. I see your illustration with the gun issue, but just as a gun owner is responsible for how, where and when the weapon is used, so too is the government is responsible for how, where and when our military is used. When I had a few guns, I trusted my education and cautions on proper use. So, just as a gun can be used properly, our military can be used properly, too.
I was at the Winter Soldier testimony during March 12th to the 17th. I cherish my Winter Soldier Ally badge, and hold it often. I watched every panel that I could, and spoke in the halls and parking lot with a lot of people. I testified for Winter soldier, that testimony can be found at MFSO.org and do a search for April Somdahl. Half of the guests at out Memorial event were vets that I had met there.
I'd like to see the stigma removed from mental illness. Our society just seems to discard people with problems of the mind. In addition, the GOP uses people no differently than a screwdriver or other tool. If it's more profit to bury suicide victims than to establish comprehensive PTSD treatment, the GOP'd rather bury them. However, find a way for Halliburton to make a few billion off of it and it'll get done in a few months.
The cold fact is that not enough people care as long as there is not a draft. Most people in the US just don't care until it's their family member of friend. Especially the magnetic ribbon crowd.
This should be this Country's number 1 issue.TAKE CARE OF OUR TROOPS.It is sickening to hear the Republicans say they support the troops and wave their flags while they do not support the new GI bill and have a dismal record in the Senate when voting on issues that support our troops and their families. The MSM is controlling the lies we hear and the truth has to come out. Just look up their voting records over the years and YOU WILL BE SHOCKED. Go to the IAVA(Iraq Afghanistan Veterans Assoc) They did an analysis of Dems and Rep votes.The Democrats BY FAR supported the troops and families. The Repubs got D's and F's. Why don't regular Americans know this? because the Neocons control the message(media)
Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story. Everyone who ever supported this "war" or even just passively failed to oppose it, needs to hear what you have to say. As hard as this was to read, I can't even fathom how hard it was for Brian and you to live.
My condolences.
My heart goes out to you and your family. I cannot even begin to comprehend your pain and your loss.
God Bless.
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