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8:13p

Sean Carman: This is Sean Carman reporting live from Creme Cafe and Lounge in Washington D.C.'s fashionable U Street neighborhood. I'll be covering the action on the ground in this critical battleground state, home to three Electoral College votes. Basically, if Obama can't win here, he doesn't have a prayer in this thing. I'm drinking a Victory Lager and waiting for my friend Heather. We'll be having dinner, then watching the debate. Later, maybe an after-debate drink, depending on how we feel. The mood here is quiet. Slightly bored, maybe a little tense.

8:20p

Stephen Sherrill: Here's something to watch for: what will the line be from Biden that's used by the rightwing as the "he was condescending to her" line? The posts at The Corner are already cued up, they're just waiting to fill in the blanks. Could be something as innocuous as pronouncing "Ahmenidjad" correctly, but it will definitely be something.

8:30p

John Marshall: Ironic by Alanis Morrissette is on Music Choice 90s.

8:38p

Jake Goldman: I do think it will be tough for Biden to hide his condescension, however, it will be much more difficult for him to hide the tiny set of razor sharp fangs that are behind his "adult" teeth. His wife calls those the "Lil chompers."

John Marshall: It will be hard for Biden to hide his bald spot.

8:40p

Kilmartin: I am sick of John McCain and that goddamn arm of his. I have lost all compassion.

Kilmartin: Todd Palin has oddly feminine features.

Bob Powers: Oddly feminine woodchuck features.

John Marshall: I like his mukluks.

Sean Carman: What to look for tonight: Will Palin's lizard brain function throughout the debate or will she have moments of catatonia or synaptic seizures? Will Biden's hair plugs hold? What about Ifill? Isn't she amazing?

8:45p

Stephen Sherrill: Olbermann just said "Chairman Mao" right before the break. Weird non-sequitor.

Kilmartin: He was giving a secret message to McCain.

Bob Powers: Sarah's hair: Up or down? Down would change the game like nobody's business. Prediction: If it's up, it's over, McCain packs up tomorrow.

Kilmartin: "Chairman Mao" was programmed in McCain's brain during his POW days. Olbermann just triggered a nuclear war. Nice going Keith.

John Marshall: If Biden's hair is up, it's over.

Bob Powers: I predict there will be a small piece of food stuck in Biden's hair.

8:47p

Bob Powers: A little bit of guacamole.

Duncan Quirk: I was thinking some corn.

John Marshall: He's polysexual.

Katie Halper: Joe Biden's hair is biracial. He rocks Al Sharpton's hair. Sharpton Maddow 2012!

John Marshall: Sarah's hair is a heartbeat away from McCain's hair.

Lauren Kirchner: I'm really looking forward to tonight's regional-accent-off.

8:50p

John Marshall: Sarah has lost Elisabeth Hasselbeck. That's like Rosie O'Donnell losing Rachel Maddow.

Stephen Sherrill: Howard Fineman looks like he's been vacationing on the surface of Mercury. Needs to look into some SPF.

Katie Halper: I don't know why Fineman is neglecting his roots.

Stephen Sherrill: You mean his Judaism?

Katie Halper: Why does he think it's ok to have two-tone hair?

Bob Powers: Prediction: Willow Palin will release her first pop album in 2011.

Kilmartin: There's Todd getting off the plane. Think he wants to push his wife down the stairs?

Bob Powers: In her condition?

8:52p

Bob Powers: 9 minutes people. Get your pants on.

Kilmartin: I watch pants-off. I thought I cleared that with you guys.

John Marshall: I can't wait for the CNN audience meter. It looks like Garage Band.

Katie Halper: Chris Matthews kinda has the mod hair again. I hope it blows in the wind like it did during the conventions.

Stephen Sherrill: He's gone Strom Thurmond orange.

Bob Powers: Four minutes. What's out thinking on flag pins? Will Sarah's light up and have a little Uncle Sam popping out of the top?

Duncan Quirk: Uncle Sam will be waving.

Kilmartin: Matthews--think he spits when he talks?

Jake Goldman: If you have CNN HD, you can see a constant stream of Paul Begala's ratings on each candidate. Is there anyone that actually values this?

John Marshall: Campbell Brown should be vice president.

Laurie Kilmartin: I wish I could watch Wolf and Matthews at the same time.

Katie Halper: Wow. That's a sandwich I would love to be in the middle of.

8:58p

John Marshall: Two minutes to Sarahgeddon.

Bob Powers: One and half minutes. I bet twenty bucks that in the first half hour Biden will say the words, "Oh that's a pile of bullshit!"

Laurie Kilmartin: This feels like my 8th gold medal at the Olympics.

Stephen Sherrill: I just hope they're going to take care of Main Street, and not just Wall Street.

Bob Powers: Gwen's been wheeled in. Looked like she was very pro-Obama as she tucked her wheelchair under the table.

9p

Lauren Kirchner: I've got a pint bottle of Sierra Nevada and a bag of Sun Chips, sitting on my Ikea sofa, feeling elitist and PUMPED for this.

Stephen Sherrill: Gwen should have gone with a brighter jacket.

John Marshall: Who is she wearing?

Katie Halper: Yeah, too muted.

Jake Goldman: Someone should green-screen dancing bears into her jacket.

Bob Powers: That jacket looks like it was sewn by Suede from ProjRun.

Kilmartin: Gwen has a "bosom."

Katie Halper: She is stacked.

John Marshall: Four breasts in tonight's debate.

Kilmartin: Sarah has a "rack", FYI.

Katie Halper: That's kinda how she got her job.

Stephen Sherrill: Mo "untoward outbursts." Sorry, Laurie, you'll have to leave.

9:05p

Stephen Sherrill: Biden's cough was condescending.

John Marshall: Sarah is in basic dominatrix black.

Lauren Kirchner: "It's a pleasure to meet you": Oh shit! Joe Biden said you a little kid!

Stephen Sherrill: I just fell asleep for a few minutes--is this still Biden's first answer?

Bob Powers: Oh damn we're already at the hockey game.

Stephen Sherrill: She's looking right at me!

Lauren Kirchner: How many times has Biden had his teeth UV-whitened, I wonder? More times than Palin has retouched her lip liner tattoo? Two beautiful, beautiful mouths on one epic stage.

Laurie Kilmartin: Biden is giving her a dirty look.

Brad Taylor Negron: Every time she says "betcha" I am taking a shot of Patron.

Katie Halper: She doesn't know English.

Duncan Quirk: She is freaking out--just staring straight

Kilmartin: Bosnia is a country, Sarah!

Stephen Sherrill: We've gone from a soccer game to genocide.

9:10p

Kilmartin: She winked

Bob Powers: She winked at me!

Brad Taylor Negron: This looks like a bus and truck production of "Love Letters."

Katie Halper: The way Sarah talks about McCain is so Electra Complex.

Kilmartin: Gwen just gave Sarah the answer.

Stephen Sherrill: Biden's first Gore-sigh.

Duncan Quirk: Where can I find a $100,000 house? Detroit?

Kilmartin: Wait, predatory lenders were buying houses? I thought they were lending, predatorily.

Katie Halper: Sarah is rocking a topsy tail.

Kilmartin: I am bored. Sarah, PUT LIPSTICK ON SOMETHING.

Lauren Kirchner: Dear bank, can you loan us some of your dollars?

Brad Taylor Negron: I own property "outside of my means."

Stephen Sherrill: When all you can afford is property outside of town.

John Marshall: Men don't like Biden on CNN.

Katie Halper: Darn right.

Kilmartin: Is "Brock Obama" running for president?

Katie Halper: Her pin is sooo much bigger than his.

Sean Carman: It's the mother of all flag pins.

John Marshall: Darn right, droppin' 'g's, you betcha -- this is Leave It to Sarah's Beaver.

Stephen Sherrill: Sarah just said a number. In your face people that didn't think she knows stuff!

Kilmartin: GO GET HER JOE.

Stephen Sherrill: She's speaking "outside of sentence form."

Brad Taylor Negron: She is three tail feathers away from being Fog Horn Leg Horn..with the 'darns.'

Katie Halper: OMG she's actually trying to make not answering the question a maverick thing.

9:15p

Bob Powers: Wink at me! Wink AT MEEEE!!!!

Katie Halper: She is going to talk about taxes the entire night. because those are the flashcards she knows best

Jake Goldman: "I may not answer the questions, but I'm going to say a whole lot of shit. Ask me anything and I will talk. What's that? Russia? Listen, I read a LOT of newspapers."

John Marshall: "Undecided voters" is code for "uneducated voters." She's winning with those people because she's one of them.

Katie Halper: I think, that's more or less, what Sarah's saying. She's really a Faulknerian at heart.

Bob Powers: WHEN IS JOE GOING TO MENTION THE MIDDLE CLASS?

Lauren Kirchner: Am I the only one that thinks the word "punitive" sounds dirty?

Duncan Quirk: Oh it's dirty, just need to make sure you have a safe word. I'm thinking "middle class."

Stephen Sherrill: She's now talking directly to government.

Brad Taylor Negron: She sounds like Roseanne Barr....She should open a loose meat sandwich shop.

Bob Powers: The FBI is going to give us healthcare?

Kilmartin: This is the kind of crap that my parents love. She's winning.

9:20p

Bob Powers: When Joe winks at me, it's an accident. His right eye's sleepy.

Duncan Quirk: Bridge to nowhere--drink!

Kilmartin: In general, why does the skin on people's hands match the skin on their face? (Inspired by Joe Biden)

John Marshall: He got the first laugh of his set, 21 minutes in.

Kilmartin: I see blinking lights, but I think it's because I'm drunk.

Bob Powers: I wanna go back to the energy plan because that's something I remember.

Stephen Sherrill: Apparently she's from Alaska.

Brad Taylor Negron: Her nickname is MOOSE-UNIT.

9:25p

Stephen Sherrill: "Massive oversight." Hot.

Kilmartin: Biden just made a GOP ad.

Katie Halper: How are we supposed to trust a man who doesn't follow through?

John Marshall: Main Streeters Like Me this fall on ABC.

Stephen Sherrill: Joe slipping into unintelligible Senate talk.

Kilmartin: "I'm paraphrasing" if Biden had said that in '88, he's of been president.

John Marshall: She is so dumb. I want to take her back to the Playboy Igloo.

Katie Halper: She's going to read quotes for the rest of the night.

9:30p

Katie Halper: Why does she smile when she says scary things?

Bob Powers: HOLY CRAP? SHE'S THE GOVERNOR OF ALASKA? WHY HAVEN'T I HEARD ABOUT THIS?

Katie Halper: Really? I can't believe that! I also just found out that McCain was a POW!

Brad Taylor Negron: She swallows like a man...I saw an Adam's apple.

Kilmartin: So...climate change exists?

John Marshall: What the fuck did she just say?

Kilmartin: Gwen should pose that query: What the fuck did you just say?

9:33p

Kilmartin: I think the GOP must think she's kicking ass.

Stephen Sherrill: I'm wondering what impact the word "impact" impacts.

Lauren Kirchner: I object to her use of the word "our" planet. She may be among us, but she is not of us.

Stephen Sherrill: Someone needs to give her a comma.

Brad Taylor Negron: Commas went the way of the polar bear.

Katie Halper: Do you think Sarah is going to try to correct Joe and say "I think you mean nucular."

9:35p

Katie Halper: Joe, you're out of touch with anti-ecology pop culture.

Jake Goldman: Gwen just got hip-hop in this motherfucker!

Stephen Sherrill: Finally we're getting to rape.

John Marshall: Any land that gets raped and gives birth, she would bring the birth to term.

Kilmartin: Gays can bang under an Obama/Biden administration.

Katie Halper: I really hope he references having men in each other's foxholes.

Stephen Sherrill: It's okay guys, she's tolerant.

Kilmartin: Sarah, going after Andrew Sullivan's vote.

Jake Goldman: "Hey, I won't kill gays, but I won't like them either."

Lauren Kirchner: Hospital visitation rights are moot under the McCain/Palin administration, as no one will have health care anymore.

9:40p

Stephen Sherrill: Nice follow up, Gwen. What a pit-bull.

Kilmartin: Pit-bull with an ankle cast.

Lauren Kirchner: Who is this John McCain she keeps talking about?

Katie Halper: She likes it when McCain "pushes hard" during the surge.

Stephen Sherrill: She's stopped smiling. doesn't the bus blow up when she stops smiling!?

John Marshall: She was in charge of the Alaska National Guard and a car that went to hockey practice.

Jake Goldman: "They are still there, fighting us!" Yes, we just showed up and were all "Hey...what's going on here...whoaaaaa!!!?!?!?!!?!"

Katie Halper: I don't think she's writing notes. I think she's writing hate mail to her tutor for not prepping her enough.

Bob Powers: Fuck it. I'm a McCain guy now. She winked at me

Duncan Quirk: I think she's drawing doodles of polar bears.

John Marshall: White Flag of Surrender -- this fall on the History channel.

Brad Taylor Negron: White Flag of Surrender is my favorite Sally Fields movie.

Kilmartin: Get her Joe. Gut this bitch! I'm a woman. It's not sexist. GUT HER.

Jake Goldman: There is anger-blood pooling into Biden's mouth right now.

John Marshall: Wouldn't it be great if their kids became friends?

9:45p

Stephen Sherrill: This is turning into an actual political debate. I want my money back.

Sarah Palin: Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong Il, the Castro brothers, others who are dangerous dictators are one that Barack Obama has said he would be willing to meet with without preconditions being met first. And an issue like that taken up by a presidential candidate goes beyond naivete and goes beyond poor judgment. A statement that he made like that is downright dangerous.

Kilmartin: The Castro Brothers are my fav DJs.

Jake Goldman: WHAT THE FUCK ARE THE PRECONDITIONS? WHY WILL NO ONE REVEAL WHAT THEY ARE?

Lauren Kirchner: Preconditions: No eye contact, no dairy/gluten, no puns.

Brad Taylor Negron: Preconditions are for brunette highlights.

9:50p

Duncan Quirk: We don't talk to enemies cause we believe in schoolyard rules.

Stephen Sherrill: No follow up on Spain?

Kilmartin: Joe Biden is Joe Bidening himself.

9:55p

Jake Goldman: Joe, do you also like yarn? I loooove yarn.

Kilmartin: Everything she says, the opposite is true. Once you know that, it's ok.

Katie Halper: What's on Biden's right temple?

Lauren Kirchner: Sarah just wrote an impromptu gospel spiritual, that was kinda cute.

John Marshall: Todd is holding his nucular weaponry.

Kilmartin: "Rilly" quickly talk about Afghanistan.

Katie Halper: Say it again Joe!

Kilmartin: Surge won't work in Afghanistan. SAY IT TWICE OLD MAN.

Stephen Sherrill: Say it again, Laurie.

Kilmartin: I'm going to start repeating my best lines.

Katie Halper: He's actually trying to help Sarah follow the conversation.

10p

Bob Powers: She loves saying "surge."

Jake Goldman: She also loves drinking Surge, the discontinued soft drink.

Brad Taylor Negron: Surge principles? She acts like Katie Holmes on the first season of Dawson's Creek, when she didn't know what the lines meant.

Katie Halper: I think Biden has mustard smeared on his temple.

Sean Carman: The dinner was great! I had the lamb, heather had chicken soup and a light salad. We each had a dirty martini and now we're having the chocolate. The mood here at Creme is quiet. People seemed encouraged by Biden, frightened by Palin. Heather and I both think Palin's lip liner is tattooed.

Stephen Sherrill: Bosniacs?

Lauren Kirchner: That CAN'T be a word.

Stephen Sherrill: Serbiacs, Croatiacs, sure, but Bosniacs?

Jake Goldman: John McCain once at an entire car.

Katie Halper: She's stalling because she doesn't know who Darfur is.

Jake Goldman: She thinks Darfur plays for the Knicks.

10:05p

Katie Halper: McCain likes Darfur because he has a black child. So he feels a connection.

Jake Goldman: GO to JoeBiden.com, sign the guestbook! There is a Joe Biden Tetris game on the site.

John Marshall: Sorry, I was at joebiden.org. Not the same thing.

Jake Goldman: John McCain knows how to win a war.

Kilmartin: What war did he win?

Katie Halper: Vietnam.

Kilmartin: Is there a Vietnam War in a parallel universe that John McCain won?

John Marshall: A Biden administration would be more bald.

Brad Taylor Negron: When does the bathing suit competition begin? My money is on Gwen.

Stephen Sherrill: The lines on CNN are going crazy. women are having a Bidengasm. (Sorry.)

10:10p

Jake Goldman: Real World: Wasilla.

Stephen Sherrill: Yeah, we've got a lot to learn from Wasilla. After all, if you can make it there...

Bob Powers: Wasilla Main St is on fire. Two meth labs blew up earlier today.

Kilmartin: PLEASE respond, Joe.

Jake Goldman: Joe Biden, your wife is going to heaven!

Katie Halper: Did she just threaten Jill Biden?

Duncan Quirk: It's not a threat, it's a promise.

Jake Goldman: Keep those school metaphors coming!

Kilmartin: Bristol Palin - public school.

Bob Powers: She just said her joke was lame!

Katie Halper: Lame! So much for caring about special needs.

Lauren Kirchner: She is wikipedia-ing "Vice President" on a tiny computer inside her eyeglasses.

10:15p

Brad Taylor Negron: McCain tapped her? I would tap her.

John Marshall: I would tap her while she blinked.

Katie Halper: "Ushering in that agenda" is code for sex.

Sean Carman: Um, did she just say that she's glad the constitution allows for the expansion of the powers of the vice president? Help. Mommy.

Kilmartin: Sarah just looked freaked out that the Constitution has Articles. Didn't go over that yesterday.

John Marshall: She barely uses articles in her sentences.

Bob Powers: YOUR KIDS ARE NOT GOING TO COLLEGE.

Kilmartin: Willow has a chance, guys.

John Marshall: Being a mom gas regulator who can't pay the tuition makes her qualified to decided Israel's nucular fate.

10:20p

Lauren Kirchner: Biden says "You can't change me, woman! Don't even try!" Wow, if I had a nickel for every time I've heard that one...

Katie Halper: McCain is pro-violence-against-women.

Brad Taylor Negron: This is The Stepford Wives meets All the President's Men.

John Marshall: This is House Bunny meets Head of State.

Kilmartin: If you have to take on your own party all the time, maybe your party sucks.

John Marshall: She worked both sides of the igloo.

Stephen Sherrill: Her accent is making me cry.

Bob Powers: holy shit, she's name-checking Lieberman and Giuliani?

Jake Goldman: "John McCain's maverick position that he's in."

Katie Halper: Did you guys know that McCain is a maverick?

Kilmartin: Go Joe GOGOGOGOGO!

Duncan Quirk: Isn't that the GI Joe chant?

Stephen Sherrill: By the way, mom doesn't need that MRI.

Bob Powers: Joe is taking the maverick behind the barn and putting him down.

Lauren Kirchner: Palin says McCain reaches across the aisle to vote with Dems, and Obama always votes with Dems. I'm with Kilmartin--doesn't that just show that Dems are right?

10:25p

Bob Powers: Bringing both sides together, and refusing to compromise.

Kilmartin: Having braces makes you in real need? Children with braces, can you imagine? With braces!

Bob Powers: A diverse family?

Kilmartin: Diverse--there's a ho, a cokehead, the Eskimo.

John Marshall: Some are unwed.

Bob Powers: Some of them aren't pregnant.

Jake Goldman: Here comes the roargasms.

Brad Taylor Negron: Fuzzy choices on November 4th.

10:30p

Kilmartin: We are blessed guys, let's take a second to think the Lord.

Stephen Sherrill: She's got my vote. She's proud of America.

Katie Halper: Wow. She brings up genetics? That's a little close to home.

Kilmartin: She gave birth to her children's children.

Lauren Kirchner: Palin is playing the apocalypse card. Smart move.

Jake Goldman: The apocalypse is here.

Brad Taylor Negron: Biden looks like Barbara Bush's lesbian aunt.

Katie Halper: They're going to have to repeat their answers for Tom Brokaw at the next debate.

Duncan Quirk: How come they didn't show Trig?

Stephen Sherrill: Here comes the Palin DNA.

John Marshall: This is like the Sound of Music.

Stephen Sherrill: Does willow have a baby bump?

10:35p

Kilmartin: Biden is creeping out Willow.

Duncan Quirk: He does sorta look like a pedophile.

Jake Goldman: Everyone lower your televisions--Chris Matthews is about to break the sound barrier.

Lauren Kirchner: In conclusion: Palin = perky and nonsensical, just like I like 'em.

Kilmartin: Matthews is spitting all over the place.

Lauren Kirchner: "Quick, hand me a baby to hold!"

Stephen Sherrill: Trig just winked at me.