Sarah, this is God calling. How's everything?

We haven't spoke in a little while. I've been busy making sure only the sports teams I root for win.

Thank you for heeding my call to accept John McCain's impetuous offer to join his ticket. You really brought great attention to my most pressing need: To show my all my people throughout the world how you don't need to be smart to be successful. But to be well dressed.

Here's the thing, though Sarah. Please don't run for President in 2012. Do I need to say it again? PLEASE DON'T PUT MY ONE NATION UNDER ME THROUGH ANOTHER CAMPAIGN!!!!
I would like you to spread my word by Dancing With the Stars, writing a memoir, maybe hosting your own cable talk show on Fox. Your own fashion line. Maybe a lifestyle magazine. That is my plan for you, Sarah. Not running the free world. Leave that to that Barack kid. I want him to handle the big stuff.

You? I want you to make money, Sarah. Millions and millions of dollars. That has always been my plan for you, Sarah. Wealth and fame. In Me I Trust.That's why I put you on my planet. That's why I prodded my old drinking buddy John to pick you. See, you kind of owe me for that door you busted through. You know, doors don't fix themselves.

Anyway, glad we spoke. Keep up my work. Oh, and you're putting too much salt in your moose chili.

Amen.