Christmas is sort of about tradition, but it's mostly about television. Watching those awesome old holiday flicks that look like they pre-date animation, screaming at Flick not to lick the frozen pole, and pretending to like the Nutcracker. And while some television improves (that animated burning yule log is better than the rest of the CW's programming) the news gets much, much worse.

They do endless segments on Christmas trees: Whether or not it's okay to have a fake one, whether or not people like Laura Bush's decorations, whether or not people like ones made out of food (the answer to the latter is always 'yes.') The segments are unique only in their stupidity and they all have the chyron "Oh, Christmas Tree," because producers have one foot in St. Bart's and have stopped caring what goes on air.

They won't shut up about the weather. Floods. Snow. Ice storms. This is what Christmas brings. What the news networks bring you is the chyron "Wicked Weather" to describe it all. Over and over again. The receipt is not in the box.

They make endless, sugary bad puns meant to warm your heart, or in the case of FOX News inflame your sense of being wronged by crackpot liberals waging a war on your favorite holiday. These are the worst chyrons of them all--the lazy chyrons that take a line from a Christmas carol and change a word, letter, or piece of punctuation to make a point and in the process make you want to leap off a tall building in protest.

Anyway, merry Christmas, happy holidays, and don't watch the news.