The attendees at the Republican National Convention will receive complimentary gift baskets. Stay-at-home bloggers Jamie Kilstein and Allison Kilkenny have the inside scoop on this year's goodies.

Charlie Crist's Self-Hating Double-Headed Dildo
Now you too can join the ranks of closeted Republicans who vote against their own inner desires! Fuck the hate right out of you!!

Blackwater Stock:
Who says dead American soldiers are a bad thing? The longer we preserve perpetual war, the higher your stocks will climb! Join the Blackwater family today before our armed militia kill your entire family.

Win a Date with Joe Lieberman!
Is that a sexy life-size bobblehead doll? NOPE! It's Joe. Brace yourself for a romantic eve with the Jewish stallion. Intelligent, witty, and a traitor to his former party, this swaggering politico dynamo will be all yours for dinner, dancing, and long-winded stories about Israel.




Your Very Own Rigged Voting Machine
Got a close district race you can't win? Fear not! With your personalized Diebold voting machine, you can rid yourself of pesky black votes, kick back, and watch the victories roll in.

Jack Abramoff's Get Out Of Jail Free Card
No Republican should leave home without it! Whether your planning on embezzling money, intimidating minorities into surrendering their land, or escorting lobbyists on Scottish golfing trips, you need this handy, dandy card* to cure your legal woes!

*Card also available for Democrats

RAFFLE TIME!
CONGRATULATIONS! If you are the lucky recipient of this ticket, you are automatically John McCain's Vice-Presidential nominee when Sarah Palin inevitably experiences a total mental breakdown and quits.