Now that the fireworks filled sporting event thing-y in that big country somewhere in Asia or Koreatown or wherever is over, I'm getting back to the important things, like Malkovitch-ing Obama's mind for foreign policy nuggets and stocking up on abortion pills should McCain win the election. Yep, it's a full day ahead. Lots to do....

As for the news that McCain has chosen an Alaskan who is an NRA member, a friend of gays but anti-gay marriage, a former beauty queen, and an atrocious child-namer as his running mate, I guess it's not surprising. Let's take a closer look.

First, I would imagine that winters in Alaska are akin to being a POW in solitary confinement in Asia, but with no heat. That was probably a big icebreaker. It no doubt endeared her to him.

Second, his ball and chain is a Botox queen and Palin's a former beauty queen. BQ's excel at toeing the line and doing what they're told. Prior to Cheney, this was the job description of a Vice Prez. VP's always had to be in touch with their feminine side, politically.

Third, did anyone else notice that she looks kinda like Tina Fey, but with better makeup? He's famous for his outbursts, and I bet that Palin is a secretly a sassy broad. She also self identifies as a "hockey mom" which means she's tougher than most criminals and probably has none of her original teeth. Surely she can survive Beltway politics.

Wise choice McCain! He needs someone capable of taking the reigns, should the stress from purchasing and tallying more properties do him in while in office. (Get it, reigns? Because reindeers live in Alaska. Those wilderness tie-ins are so easy).