Cheap Date: Drinking & Dating During a Recession Ben McCoy | Bio

So it finally happened: right when you needed vodka the most, the recession has gotten between your drinking and your sex life, or lack thereof. Forget the vintage Dom Perignon champagne, soft lighting, rounds and rounds of drinks bought for your mate, and several cabs throughout the evening. Those days are over. Welcome to cheap dates and drinking in the recession.

It should come as no surprise that earlier in November, Starbucks reported their fourth quarter profit decreased by 97%. In a time of economic depression, getting that venti white chocolate mocha seems as decadent as Carrie Bradshaw's wardrobe. You can see the desperation in your waiter's face as they serve you, hoping that the dwindling economy hasn't hit you so hard that its going to affect their tip. Unfortunately for them, it does. People are losing jobs left and right, and death is occurring in places like Wal-Mart because apparently a discount on bulk toilet paper is worth killing for these days.

Certain ladies may sigh and re-apply their Cover Girl lip gloss purchased at Duane Reade, since they can't afford cosmetics from the M.A.C. counter anymore, as they reflect on the definite decrease of gentlemen casually buying their drinks for them. Going dutch is increasingly assumed. Gentlemen may nod their heads in agreement as dating and trying to impress someone has certainly become more of a financial strain, never mind the mental and emotional headache it already was to begin with. When it comes to unrestricted drinking on dates, only the Irish have remained defiant and hung-over. Depending on what bars you frequent, a night out drinking can be moderately expensive as it is. Add to your bill a few rounds for your date and the tip, and you'll find yourself blushing with embarrassment with each visit to the ATM. Unfortunately for us financially-challenged, the 90s are over, and the anti-consumerist anti-fashion of grunge has not yet made its return as retro and cool. Currently, poverty is not sexy.

When it comes to drinking on dates, and saving money, I have a few suggestions. First of all, let's go for the Keira Knightley approach. No one gets more intoxicated quicker then a skinny bitch. So I suggest skipping breakfast and dinner, and just heading straight to the drinking on your date. Your partner will mistake your hunger for wide-eyed attentiveness. Everyone knows a good listener is sexy. And you won't seem like the liver-decaying booze-bag lush you really are because you'll be all giggly after only a glass and a half. "No, no, I rarely drink!" you'll lie to your date, laughing inside your head. You will reach your alcohol consumption ceiling much faster on an empty stomach. Besides, you can pig out the next week in a private pity party ordering all the take-out you want when you realize your date isn't going to be calling you back.

Another tip is to simply go out earlier. Happy hour is a great way to double up on the drinking without exaggerating the price. When it comes to dating however, no body likes a Scrimpy McScrimperstein, or Ebenezer Scrooge. So practice your skills in fiction and say that your schedule has been so trying lately, or that you have an important audition/meeting with an editor/photoshoot to do the next day and can't stay out too late, but still wanted to spend time with your date. Not only will you sound more accomplished and like you actually have a job and a life, but you'll do less damage to your bank account without seeming so blatantly cheap. Note: caution yourself from over-extending the time of the date or at least the amount of hours you'll spend drinking. Happy Hour can be dangerous for both livers and dates. Barfing on your date or recounting your life-story interjected by crying jags is definitely not going to get you anywhere. Experienced alcoholics will often separate each libation with a glass of water. This makes it seem like you actually give a shit about yourself and are health-conscious instead of a penny-pinching drunk.

Drinking and dating can often lead to the other indulgence that quickly gets cut during the recession: cab rides. The only thing less sexy than the escalating cab fare is the florescent light of the subway. What may have seemed like an attractive date and sexual prospect now becomes completely real and clearly flawed under the harsh lighting of public transportation. Not to mention having to actually speak to them while commuting home after drinking. You'll be surprised at how quickly you discover via public transportation how much you really don't like your date at all. All of a sudden you find out sitting on a rattling bus or train that you've been drinking and flirting with a republican! The recession really does bring people together.

One way to avoid the cost-trap of either taking a cab or public transportation with your date, is to scale-down geographically, and choose locations for your date that are in your neighborhood. Not only will this be cost-efficient, but will make you seem connected to a community, as someone who has social skills and friends. Wave to a random stranger in the back of the bar and say "Hi, Bob! That's Bob, he's here all the time," you chuckle and smile to your date, hoping they decide to judge Bob's choice of time spent drinking, and not yours. For those of you who are contemplating asking your date over to your place for drinks, know only that the crates covered by fabric are neither coffee tables or chairs, and that the "sofa" you have in the living room with the arm-chair missing and cat urine somewhere lodged within its frame, is definitely not date-appropriate no matter how much money you'd be saving. At that point you're better off taking your cues from gay men and exploring the arena of public sex in parks. Its free, you'll view the sex-lives of the homeless, find friendly conversation (re: drug dealers), and feel thrillingly teenaged as you sip your alcoholic beverage of choice from a plastic cup while cruising for sex. Heads up: don't expect too many welcoming vaginas in public parks, less they be surgically constructed in Mexico or Thailand. But as you walk through the park, with your PBR cloaked by a thin paper bag, notice the discarded and used condom laying on its dewy floor of grass. Even the used condom has been affected by the recession: non textured, ribbed, or flavored, it is a simple, plain, functional boring ol' used condom given out for free in the back of some gay bar, and clearly, its user has been so burdened by the weight of the current economic crisis, he couldn't even find the energy to find a waist-basket.