On Tuesday, George "President" Bush opened up to a reporter regarding his past addiction to alcohol, a rare moment for Americans, as we were actually treated to a bit of candor from the commander in chief.

I will now provide you with some Chicken Soup for the Soul moments:

"I had too much to drink one night, and the next day I didn't have any," Bush said. "The next day I decided to quit and I haven't had a drink since 1986."

Do you know why alcoholics go through the twelve steps? Because through those steps, they learn that they've lied and hurt the people around them. They learn that things are out of their control and that it's important to face the truth in their lives, no matter how painful it is. They relinquish power and stop living in a bubble. George Bush did not go through the twelve steps. He quit "cold turkey." And he went on to become president.

I'll let that sink in.

No admitting mistakes. No apologizing. No giving up of power. As a matter of fact, the prez says that Jesus helped him though the bad times. And we all know that people who believe in Jesus are stand up guys.

Any doubts though, GB?

"I doubt I'd be standing here if I hadn't quit drinking whiskey, and beer and wine and all that," the president disclosed.

If you're wondering what "all that" is...it's cocaine.

And then when Georgie Boy spoke to a little addict girl he talked in third person, just like my grandma:

"Your president made the same kind of choice," he told her. "I had to quit drinking...Addiction competes for your affection...You fall in love with alcohol."

Hear that? Bushie was in love! Isn't love grand? I guess not when it's the sauce. But what was he trying to convey to her?

"I was trying to encourage her to stay strong," Bush said. "I wanted her, this young girl who's struggling with drug addiction, to know that others who might be famous have the same issue, that she's not alone."

It's a nice sentiment, but did the world's most powerful man just refer to himself as "famous"? Or was he talking about Lindsay Lohan? If I had my finger on the button, I don't know that I'd clump myself together with her. They may share the same attractions (Danger! Troubled guys!) but I don't think that's an appropriate comparison. And if he was referring to himself as famous, it's the biggest understatement I've ever heard. I don't think someone who has the declarative power of war should ever refer to himself in a way that makes him sound like Ryan Seacrest. But never let it be said that our dear leader isn't a grand under-stater.

"Alcohol can compete with your affections. It sure did in my case--affections with your family, or affections for exercise."

The mystic allure of liquor does indeed compete with the things around you like work, family and other stuff that requires concentration and thought. But do you know the most important thing that you lose touch with? The one thing that everyone conveniently forgets about when the Booze Fairy is sitting on their shoulder? Pilates. And in the late 90s, Tai Bo. Can you imagine the day that George Bush woke up from an Amstel-related haze and just couldn't make it to the Nautilus machine? Couldn't muster the strength to pull himself onto the elliptical? That was the day that he gave up hootch. Never mind the fights with his wife, the issues with the law, and his love of "all that." Not to be confused with the Nickelodeon program All That, though they both do induce nose bleeds.

So if you ever needed a reason to stop drinking, let these words serve as a lack of encouragement. If you're currently a complete drunk and in your mid-twenties, don't even worry. You've got it in the bag, buddy! You'll be the B.M.O.C. soon enough. You have at least 15 years before you have to clean up your act and start listening to what the world around you is saying.

Or in George Bush's case, stop listening to the world around you and exclusively listen to your "gut."

Goooooooooooooooo America!