6:00a: Wake up.

6:15a: Pray.

6:30a: Shit myself.

7:00a: Eat bowl of Honeycombs.

7:30a: Shit.

8:00a: Google "John McCain."

8:45a: Pick up Anchorage Daily News.

8:46a: Put it down and pick up New York Times. How do you like me now, Couric?

9:00a: Start skimming every fucking book I see.

10:00a: Contemplate shitting.

10:04a: Shit.

11:00a: Practice using secret ear microphone.

11:30a: Buy world map.

12:00p: Eat ham sandwich.

12:15p: Regurgitate ham sandwich.

1:00p: Write Supreme Court rulings on hands. Leave room for tons of other shit.

1:30p: Call John McCain from toilet, tell him everything thing is hunky-dory.

1:45p: Shoot an animal.

2:00p: Check outside window for possible Putin head-rearing. Remember I'm not in Alaska and stop checking.

2:30p: Pray while shitting.

3:00p: Google "world." Also, "panic attack symptoms."

3:30p: Cry while praying and shitting.

4:30p: Get dressed in something MILFy and Vice Presidenty and something I can easily get out of to shit.

5:00p: Arrive at Washington University (which is actually in St. Louis--explain that one, Biden)

6:00p: Find bathroom.

7:00p: Show time!