• Slap around his sister and mother when they ask for money--that seems to get a lot of press coverage.
• Refer to himself as John "Vivanno" McCain.
• Complement his creepy laugh by making all appearances in Joker make-up.
• Talk about the "twenty kids by twenty different women" back in Hanoi.
• Use wife's money to bail out all those Starbucks that Freddie Mac is closing down or whatever that problem is.
• When he goes on Situation Room today, do that trick where he passes a lit match through his nipple rings.
• Point to wife and say, "blond with100 mil in beer money--you'd hit it too."
• Spice up appearances by doing one-armed pushups
• When people question his choice of Audrina Partridge as VP, explain that it was the only way to keep her from releasing the sex tape.