June 21, 2008
"Ism-ists"

DISGRASIAN | Bio

Over the last several months, as Obama's popularity has grown, Republican hacks have increasingly tried to put their finger on exactly why the Democratic nominee bugs them. We like to call them the "Ism-ists."

Very early on, the Ism-ists labeled Obama, because of his middle name and a few childhood years spent in Indonesia: "ISLAMIST"

Then our favorite yip-yip dog, Michelle Malkin, intimated that he might be: "COMMUNIST"

But wait! Hold the phone! Obama isn't a man of the people, he's actually: "ELITIST" Yep, that's right. Barack HUSSEIN Obama is a radical, revolutionary arugulist! Hear that, America?!

But, as it turns out, America was not all that terrified of Muslim Pinkos who favor peppery lettuces. So those clever right-wing name-nuts had to dig a little deeper. And, preying on our worst fears, the Ism-ists "went there" and wondered if Barack and Michelle might secretly be: "TERRORIST"

Then "Pin-Gate" happened. And while the pin itself wasn't a product of the aforementioned great minds, it shed light on what Obama-haters have really been getting at all these months. On what the Ism-ists really mean when they suggest that Obama is foreign or Muslim or radical or snooty; when they imply Obama isn't really a true, red-blooded, God-fearing American; when they enumerate the countless ways in which the Democratic nominee is DIFFERENT and, therefore, unfit to rule the free world: "OH SHIT HE'S BLACK"

Yes, that's right, America! Barack Obama is BLACKIST!

*sigh*

Well, since we're playing the name game, allow us to suggest a new appellation for those people who have been linguistically dancing around that fact so they can heretofore stop all of this mealy-mouthed Ism-nonsense:

"RACIST."