Perhaps it's because we've been out of the country for several weeks, but we only learned this morning that a fist bump can be construed, according to FOX News, as a "terrorist fist jab."

PHEWWWWW! FINALLY! Here we thought we were alone in our suspicions that the fist bump was an evil, insidious, extremist gesture. We have been curating evidence to support that thesis for quite some time and have long concluded that there are many of THEM among US--most of them American as apple pie. Here is a tiny sampling of the terrorists living in our midst:

		The New York Yankees--Bronx Bombers, Red Sox nemeses, pinstripe-wearers, ball-scratchers, and Islamic separatists all.
		Miley Cyrus--Teen actor, singer, apologetic nudist, and jihadi--with Randy Jackson--American Idol judge, Journey bassist, former fatso, and Taliban member.
		Larry King--Talk show host, suspenders-addict, Old Jew, mujahideen--plots against the infidels with John C. Reilly and Will Farrell--Comedians, curly-haired men, and fatwa issuers.
		Dick Cheney--Vice President, hunter of humans, professional jagoff, and Hezbollah assassin.
		This cute puppy--Man's Best Friend, furniture chewer, hydrant pisser, furball, Al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigade suicide bomber, aka your worst fucking nightmare.

See what I mean? They're EVERYWHERE. Thank you, FOX News, for unearthing the truth as always. America is no doubt a safer place because of you!