We hate Gossip Girl, even though we watch it slavishly every week. Mostly to track the progress of the HaraGossip Girls. You know, the Black Chick and the Asian Chick who never talk but always dress identically? Their name pays homage to DISGRASIAN.com's Hall-of-Shamer Gwen Stefani and "her" Harajuku Girls, a posse of Ornamentals who trail their Blonde Master everywhere, never talk, and always dress identically.

The HaraGossip Girls are no different. They have more handbags than they've had lines on the show. But boy, have those bitches looked fierce.

Here they are in the pilot, mutely flanking Chuck, the James Spader-as-Steff-in-Pretty in Pink impersonator. Then we have them in the second episode, "Wild Brunch," silently trailing their owner Blair, aka A Poor Man's Rachel Bilson:

We just love them as accessories! Oops--Freudian slip--what we meant to say was, we love their accessories! Where can we get us an ostrich bag?

And there was our own personal favorite, "Poison Ivy," where everyone was trying to brown-nose their way into the Ivies:

In the ever-so-aptly titled "Handmaiden's Tale," the HaraGossip Girls were finally permitted to speak, but only while doing the bidding of their Master Blair. Here they are helping Blair's drippy boyfriend Nate, A Poor Man's Ian Somerhalder (inexplicably styled as the Phantom of the Opera), "find" their owner at the masquerade ball.

But this week, in "Victor/Victrola," when we learned that burlesque is "all the rage" on the Upper East Side, the HaraGossip Girls snagged their very own shot AND one line of dialogue each. Sweet Jesus...now that's what we like to call progress! But, alas, it wasn't really them speaking. They were only figures in a nightmare The Poor Kid Dan Humphrey was having over losing his virginity to The Poor Little Rich Girl Serena Whoser Whatsen (note the telling dream-smoke in the background).

Not to worry. Last week, a new colored girl, Vanessa, was introduced as the old flame of Dan Humphrey, back suddenly from a year-stint in Vermont... and she talks!

Her outfit suggests either "Washington Heights Dominican" or "Bronx Puerto Rican," which we think is wonderful, because now all the colors of the rainbow are reprzented on the show. What's also clear is that this saucy Latina wants Dan back. Does she plan on getting between The Poor Kid and his Poor Little Rich Girl?

Hmm. Wait a minute. we're getting a strong sense of déjà vu.

So, to recap. What have we learned from Gossip Girl thus far in the season? Colored girls are best suited to...shut up and look pretty. And when they don't--boy, do they fuck things up for everybody.