As his last official duty in office, President George W. Bush announced the induction of America's 51st state. "I would like to welcome everyone to the great State of Emergency," Bush declared. "This state will go down in history as one of America's most influential entities; it will affect the lives of every U.S. citizen, and set the tone of our nation for the next 50 years, or however much longer we have."

"I encourage people to visit the State of Emergency," Bush continued. "It is centrally located, stretching from the northwest corner of the state of Washington, extending south along the west coast of California, and all the way east, from Maine to Florida. You could say the State of Emergency spans the entire nation ... but my people wince slightly when I put it like that."

When reporters asked why he was adding a 51st state now, Bush replied, "This has been in the works for a while. Since my administration began with 9/11 and ended with the financial meltdown, we figured it just made good sense. It was either this or a Police State, so we flipped a gold doubloon and Emergency won."

The motto for the State of Emergency is "Oh God, No. Oh God ... No." The state bird is the Lappet-Faced Vulture, and its state tree is the Peach Blossom. President Bush, who was on the state's Symbol and Emblem Board, said, "I wanted a State Android Cop, you know, like Robocop or Bob Seger? But somebody told me Michigan already took those."

"Before I leave the White House, I would like to say 'Go ahead, America, enjoy the State of Emergency. They've got great corndogs there!'"

"That was my idea for the state motto, by the way," Bush concluded.