If Conservative Radio Had Pledge Drives Edward Murray | Bio

Don't pretend that this is a surprise. Every year, at this exact time, people ask me what's going on down here on the station, and when I tell them they respond invariably, 'Oh, the pledge drive already?' If you're listening right now, let's get something straight: You owe us. Big time.

"I am a militant Muslim."

That was Barack Obama in a clip from Doctored Radio Lab, just one of the many programs offered to you from Conservative Public Radio. How can we afford to continue to bring you this kind of programming without you kicking in your fair share? Think about a world without shows like Gross Air with Terry Fresh, One Thing Considered, and Terror Talk with Terror and Talk.

Consider this: For the amount of money it takes to park a car in Manhattan for a 18 hours ... for a pledge of $300, you will receive an autographed copy of The Bill of "Rights", We The Neo-People, personally signed by one of Bill O'Reilly's aural parasites. For a pledge of $500, we will give you huge genitals, and for a pledge of $1000, we will send you a photo of Al Franken's genitals ... we have a surplus on those. They're a recession-proof commodity. You should have one.

If that's not enough?! Then just ... just beat me, ok? Because I don't know what more I can do for you.

(Zinger soundbyte of Christ being lashed viciously.)

Well ... that's what it feels like sometimes when I turn the light off in that little room with the small door in the corner of my basement.

Consider that without your dollars I cannot continue the fight against liberal media outlets such as ... well, you know the ones we're talking about. They're out there. In fact, there's probably some under your bed right now.

If you have a computer, go ahead and make an online pledge, it's easy! If you still haven't contributed, I'm sorry that at this point, we are compelled to use stronger measures in order to ensure your support by reminding you that we know people who can access most of who you are online ... but we'd rather not have to call them.

Well, it looks like I made a pretty compelling little pledge speech here. The phones are lighting up like Baghdad in the night. While we answer these calls, here's "The Moldau" from Czech composer Bedrich Smetana.