Worried about a stagnant, aging population, China is considering revising its long standing, one-child per family policy. However, with national resources of food, land, and water already strained, creative alternatives must be put into effect. Herein lies a top secret list of potential changes to this law that may give China's population a healthy boost:

• Allow citizens to have more than one haircut. Through follicle diversification, people will be getting it on constantly.

• Build a stronger population by limiting dog consumption to 3/week. Wait a second ... was that racist? Hang on, let me do a quick internet search ... no, some people eat dogs in China. Alright, officially not racist. Might be a little nationalist, but I'm ok with that.

• Encourage families to emigrate to China with a new tourism campaign highlighted by a photoshopped picture of a man in Tiananmen Square embracing a big, fuzzy, feline bus with huge eyes for headlights.

• Strengthen China's citizenry by infecting all manufactured exports geared towards children with a lead-poison spray, thus diluting the gene pool of other countries. Even with only one child per family, China will always dominate a country of retards. This should go into effect in 2007.

• Remember what they say about procreation, it's all about little red books, little red books, little red books!

• Boost birth rates by adding a third 'o' to Google, thus allowing citizens to 'Gooogle' one another - wait a second, that doesn't make any sense! Who wrote this?! Xiao? Which one? Xiao Johnson?! That's it, into the tank with you!

• Let people open facebook accounts for the love of Mao! You'd be surprised how much more people will want to bring children into a world when they can post a video on someone's FunWall.

• Reduce the allowable number of children to zero and just build more Yao Mings.

• Raise the allowable number of children and fix unsanitary water conditions by convincing China's people that only weak, imperialistic dogs need hydration.

• Change the name from 'People's Republic of China' to 'People's Republic of So What? So Let's Dance!'

• Steal everyone living in Taiwan.

• Begin a campaign touting the values popular amongst the youth in the 60's. Namely: tyranny, genocide, martial law, class war, free love, and Coca-Cola.