The latest attack on evolution is being waged in Texas where creationists have abandoned intelligent design and instead are trying to place in school textbooks the "Strengths and Weaknesses" of evolution. You see, scientists don't have all the answers to explain certain questions about evolution, so therefore it is a weak theory whose doubts must be stressed to the impressionable minds of children who believe in God (and Santa). This is like expecting physicists to know everything about everything and means they should be able to create a Star Trek Transporter sometime this week. By this logic, physics without a transporter is a "weak" theory and any theory that can't create an evil twin of me is surely lacking in imagination. (Personally, I need the reassurance that at least my doppelganger is getting laid.)

OK, so you want to list the weaknesses of evolution in textbooks--fine, I agree as long as I get to print the Bible's weaknesses inside the pages of your personal copy of the scriptures.

• "God created the Heavens and the Earth in Six Days [amazing how it didn't take 6 days, 1 hour and 10 seconds. Six days is s nice round number. It's so precise, unlike a figure of 13.3 billion years.]"
• The Prophet Elijah was being mocked by children for being bald, so he commanded dozens of Bears to maul them to death. [Definitely not cool. Might even get Stephen Colbert to abandon Christianity and put the Bear-loving Bible on the Threat-down.]
• Jonah lived for three days in the belly of a whale. [He would have stayed longer but he had booked a reservation in a dolphin.]
• Moses parted the Red Sea. [Buy Moses Tampon's: The Only Tampon that Can Part the Red Sea and Absorb it.]
• Jesus threw the moneychangers out of the Temple. [Does that mean I shouldn't bring money into a Church for offerings? Cool, thanks.]
• Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead [because Lazarus still owed him a shekel. If Jesus is a banker you don't even want to imagine the compounded interest of eternity.]
• God knows everything. [But he's only willing to share a few hundred pages of it.]

So read the Bible and pretend you can now answer all the questions in the universe with certainty--something our poor scientists cannot do.