Anchor: We now return to Joe the Plumber, already in progress.

[Joe, his wife Lisa and his two children, Timmy and Plunge, are all sitting around the television, smiling and attentively watching the debate.]

McCain: Joe the Plumber--

Lisa: Honey! They mentioned you.

Joe: Well, would you look at that! Kids, I think everything is going to be ok this year--

Obama: Joe the Plumber--

Timmy: They're saying it a lot, dad.

Lisa: That's because they love your father, dear.

Joe: Alright, alright. That's enough excitement for one night.

Obama: Joe the Plumber, let me tell you something--

McCain: Joe the Plumber, you are an honest man, you worked hard at your job--

Plunge: Is he my uncle?

Joe: I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

Lisa: Lock all the doors, kids.

Obama: Just like Joe the Plumber--

Joe: I HAVE A LAST NAME.

Lisa: Honey, it's ok.

[Joe stands, foaming at the mouth he takes off his shoe and starts eating it.]

Lisa: Joe, please!

Timmy: What's happening to daddy?

Lisa: Go to your room...NOW. [To Joe.] Look, Joe, it worked for "Thomas the Tank Engine."

Joe: I AM NOT A FUCKING TRAIN.

Lisa: Well, you know...you kind of are one...in the bedroom...

Joe: Now is NOT the time, Joe the Plumber's Wife.

[Lisa gasps.]

Joe: Oh Jesus Christ. Now I'm doing it. [He starts inching towards the window, solemnly.]

Lisa: Joe, wait--this is only on until 11...

[Joe the Plumber jumps through a glass window and into a tree. Lisa rushes to the window.]

Lisa: Joe! Are you alright?

Joe: THIS IS WHERE I LIVE NOW.

McCain: Joe the Plumber, guess what? You're rich!

Lisa: Joe--don't do it. Look, the Senator just said you're going to be rich.

Joe: Satan is my master.

Lisa: What?

Joe: Get me my tools!

Lisa: Your set of plungers and wrenches?

Plunge: Why are daddy's eyes red?

Lisa: Plunge, no! Go back to your room!

[Joe's arms stretch just like those stretch Armstrong dolls and grabs plunge. He eats him whole and laughs. Lightening strikes a lot of times in a row.]

Lisa: Joe! That is your son! You just ate your son!

Joe: NONE SHALL PASS!

[Joe jumps down, rips tree out of the ground, throws it across an entire field. He then turns himself into a blade and well, you know where it goes from there.]