I.
Mike Huckabee to John McCain 8:45pm: I tried my best...

McCain 8:52pm: Yeah, you did and you failed, HARD. WHERE'S YOUR "GOD" NOW? SURFING ON CLOUDS AND HIGH-FIVING ANGELS???

Huckabee 9:01pm: He's...yes. [Note: Huckabee immediately gains back all 200 pounds after hitting send]

II.
Clinton to Obama 9:15pm: OH...HI...O-BAMA! SUCK IT! I JUST TOOK THAT HUGE GUITAR FROM THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME AND JAMMED IT YOUR CAMPAIGN'S CAVITY FILLED MOUTH.

Clinton to Obama 9:17pm: I SAID CAVITY FILLED BECAUSE I WANTED TO PORTRAY EMPTINESS.

Clinton to Obama 9:18pm: EMPTINESS LIKE YOUR SOUL. AND, YOU KNOW, YOUR SPEECHES. MOSTLY YOUR SOUL.

Clinton to Obama 9:20pm: SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT FOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER X 1,000000000000000099999999999999999999!!!

III.
Chris Matthews to Tim Russert 9:37pm: eemfoeirnon#$TGRgg [Note: Chris Matthews actually ate his phone while sending this message]

Russert to Matthews 9:41pm: Oh man. Let me guess: ate your phone. Been there, bro. Been there.

IV.
Huckabee to God 10:15pm: I thought u were going to b there 4 me.

God to Huckabee [unknown. Heaven has no time?]: You are a bass player. I know it's small and petty but I CANNOT get over it. Sorry, bro.

Huckabee to God [saved as a draft, not sent]: Fuck you.

V.
Clinton to Obama 11:22pm: Hey, if ur not doing anything later...I'll come by and BRAND u with my new branding iron. For cows. And losers of primaries. GET IT?

Obama to Clinton 11:31pm: I can still win the caucus.

Clinton to Obama 11:34pm: Yeah, but can u win my COCKus?

Obama to Clinton 11:40pm: ???

Clinton to Obama 11:51pm: I just peed on an Obama campaign button.

VI.
John Edwards to Obama 12:14am: Hey...

Obama to Edwards 12:19am: Stop.

Edwards to Obama 12:25am: Was just saying hey...that's all.

Obama to Edwards 12:27am: Don't.

Edwards to Obama 12:31am: I love you?

VII.
George W. Bush to McCain 12:52am: Way 2 go!

McCain to Bush 1:01am: Don't look at me in the eye tomorrow. I'm serious.

Bush to McCain 1:04am: You're the boss!

McCain to Bush 1:07am: I will choke you.

Bush to McCain 1:11am: LOL!!!!!!!

McCain to Bush 1:14am: Are u drunk?

Bush to McCain 1:19am: ;)

VIII.
Chuck Norris to Huckabee 1:47am: Hey man. Now that it's over...I have a confession.

Huckabee to Norris 1:54am: Ok...

Norris to Huckabee 2:00am: Me and your wife...
Norris to Huckabee 2:03am: Had a threesome.
Norris to Huckabee 2:07am: Well, more like a foursome.
Norris to Huckabee 2:09am: With Dennis Kucinich and his wife.
Norris to Huckabee 2:17am: Sorry?
Norris to Huckabee 2:32am: FYI - probably will happen again sometime soon. Was too good.

XI.
John Edwards to Ralph Nader 3:15am: Gosh, isn't this whole thing crazy? Hehe!

Nader to Edwards 3:19am: I know what you're thinking. No. You can't be my VP.

Edwards to Nader 3:25am: Nope! Just saying hey...

Nader to Edwards 3:31am: Please go away, John.

Edwards to Nader 3:41am: If I could type tears, I would.

X.
Hillary to Bill 4:01am: If I pull this off I MIGHT sleep with you again. MIGHT.

Bill to Hillary 4:07am: No thanks!

IX.
Edwards to Nader 4:34am: , , , , , , , , ,

Edwards to Nader 4:40am: Those commas are tears.

Edwards to Nader 4:44am: No one wants to listen.

Edwards to Nader 4:52am: I should just text myself.

Edwards to Edwards 5:01am: Hey...