* "Birmingham Mayor Accused of Trading County Deals for Cash and Clothes." Cash and clothes? Hello, Birmingham Mayor, think big: renovations to Alaskan homes, yachts called "Buoy Toy," or, say, tin-foil-wrapped cash in a freezer. Amatuer.

* Succes$tory: "These errors make us look either incompetent at credit analysis of like we sold our soul to the devil for revenue, or a little bit of both" - Moody's director, 2007

When Moody's rated Countrywide securities low, Countrywide complained, and Moody's changed the ratings. Every crook needs good accomplices. Moody's was just keeping Countrywide's getaway car warm.

* Doctor Joseph Biederman, failed to report $1.4 million plus in payments from drug companies for supporting use of an antipsychotic drug, Risperdal, in children. Conflict of interest? No. He's just preventing children from growing into adults who accumulate massive debt? and isn't that really the problem here?

* A venture capitalist and owner of the NHL's Nashville Predators was accused of fraud. No leniency for being involved in both sports and finance, the two great cheats that cheat great together?

* The Reserve Primary Fund said that if investors sue it, they'll get less money because of the company's legal expenses...then added, "If you ask me to stop drowning you, you'll just waste valuable air" and, "Stop hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?"

* Finally, of course, Great Cheater OJ got jail time. Guess there are "make-up calls" in the criminal justice system, too. Yeah, we blew that murder thing earlier in the game, so, 15 yards for unsportsmanlike armed robbery.

Jeff Kreisler's first book, "Get Rich Cheating," will be published by Harper Collins in early 2009.