9:04p OH MY GOD I am so excited!
9:05p Obama's eyebrows are exciting.
9:08p Who the fuck picked out McCain's tie? Japanese Anime Animators? Am I right here?
9:09p "This is the end of the beginning" Finally! We can get to the middle! I love the middle! That's where all the crazy shit happens! Fuck the end!
9:12p I think by the end of the night, Jim Lehrer is going to get McCain to sit on Obama's lap.
9:15p "I've got a pen--" What will McCain bring out next of his fantastic prop-bag?! "I have tap-dancing shoes. See? And I'm going to tap dance all over regulation. Or is it deregulation. Hey! Where's my chips? Oh. There they are. I've got chips--"
9:17p Obama just said "fill up on this gas," as it were the first time he's ever heard of the concept of gas.
9:19p Fun fact I just learned: Barack Obama is a woman? (He won miss congeniality?)
9:21p Holy shit, Obama just looked terrifying when he asked Lehrer if he could respond. Guys, do you think he carries knives?
9:23p This is a classic example of talkin' the talk, and walkin' the walk. Also of singin' the song, drummin' on drums, eatin' the food, and puttin' on socks.
9:25p Oil companies would get an additional four billion dollars of tax cuts under McCain's plan? Sounds good to me! They've been working so hard they deserve a break. A break big enough to buy 18 jets.
9:26p Every time McCain laughs, I have flashbacks to the Halloween of 1989 when my cousin Steve set fire to my jack-o-lantern. Terrifying. Still have nightmares. Would rather not talk about it.
9:27p Obama = Flag pin. McCain = no flag pin. COUNTRY FIRST? MORE LIKE, WARDROBE FIRST!!!! LADIES?
9:36p "I want the families to make the decisions between the doctors and diseases." Yup! Sounds about right.
9:38p Obama: "Your president presided over an orgy of spending." Hey-o!!! Obama has got SOME kind of wild party planned in Oxford after this.
9:41p I'm sorry folks. Let's get real here for a second: $600 billion. 4,000 lives lost. And this other guy over here is talking about "victory."
9:42p Hey guys--hey guys! If you get elected president, you don't have to deal with Iraq anymore. That shit already happened. So all you guys sitting around going "Man, I don't know if I want to be president...all that war stuff...what do I do????" Worry no more! The next president won't have to question anything! LET'S GO AMERICA!
9:47p Obama's gonna get tired of talking, interrupting McCain every other word to correct every single douchey lie that jack-o-lantern tells.
9:48p Lehrer: "Afghanistan. What is it. Discuss."
10:00p "Hey! We both wear bracelets!"
10:02p Join the Al-Qaeda Columbia House today! For just 15 cents you'll get a video each week. (Costs more for beheadings.)
10:03p "Listen, I've been to anyplace that has the word 'stan' in it. Those are all dangerous places, ok? I was also tortured."
10:06p Obama's centrifuge research is unmatched.
10:10p Can anyone tell me what the fuck these "pre-conditions" are? Hands behind back? No skateboards? Knives are cool if they are blunt? No cheese on omelettes? All ham party? I hope it's an all ham party.
10:20p I looked into Putin's eyes and saw a K, a G and a B. And a lemon. And a cherry. And a bunch of sevens. And then I saw this wild boar eat a cement building. Hey, can we take a break? I ate some bad veal.
10:23p Seriously though, McCain does look like a jack-o-lantern. Guys. It's sad.
10:24p On energy, let's all think, WWTBPD? What would T. Boone Pickens do?!
10:30p McCain: You guys--Obama's dumb, ok?
10:35p McCain: I can keep Americans safe. I am America's Grandpa!
10:36p McCain: I don't need on-the-job-training. I know how to cook a hamburger, ok? Ok. Let me just...know, I can handle this I can...just shh...you use a lot of oil...whaaa..whoooaaaaa...WHAAAAAAA. Well. I've lost a hand.
10:37p McCain: I know how to heal the wounds of the war. Just come by my house. I will heal your wounds by the touch.
10:40p Chris Matthews: I am a hologram! See my hair and listen to my words!
10:43p Why does Pat Buchanan always look like he's trying to take a shit?
10:44p This has been well worth it.