Wanda Sykes Just Effed Up All Men Lee Stranahan | Bio

Many couples have a Freebie Fantasy Sex List; some famous person their partner could sleep with if for some strange reason they ever happened to meet them. For example, if you had such a arrangement with your beloved then while out at the park watching the kids on the playground if Brad Pitt perchance started making goo goo eyes at your wife then he could safely take her hand, walk her to the parking lot, bend her over on the fold down rear seat of your Nissan Quest, pull her sweat pants down to just above her knees, gingerly lift her hips in his famous hands, grab her hair at the roots, push her face into the beige cloth interior and begin thrusting away secure in the knowledge that her marriage vows are technically intact because he's Fantasy List Member Brad Pitt and not that barista who sometimes sneaks your wife an extra shot of espresso and draws the winky face on her cup at Starbucks.

It's this sort of lawyerly make-believe that makes heterosexual marriage sacred.

But alas and alack! This weekend was a time for many men to rewrite their lists because the object of a million wet dreams and extra long morning showers has shocked the world. Sorry boys: Wanda Sykes is gay.

Sure, this has happened before. When it became obvious that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson were dating, how many dudes had to cross fantasy girl Samantha Ronson off their lists and realize that no matter how good they got at crabbing with Serato's Scratch Live DJ software, it was hopeless?

But Sykes is different. Sykes, Sykes, Ssssssykes. It isn't just the blistering raw sexual energy she gives off on-screen; it's the way she'd crack wise after the loving. Every guy knows they've thought about rolling off Wanda and whispering "So, okay tell me right now, seriously - did you cum a whole bunch of times there, Wanda Sykes, because of my good fucking skills?" and then we picture her rolling her eyes and saying "Mmmm-hmmmmm" in way that you KNOW means 'no, not really, fool." That's what men call a Cue The Kleenex® moment. And then those men roll over again and a attorney reminds them that Kleenex® Facial Tissue is a registered trademark and should not be confused with generic tissues used for sneezing and masturbating.

Sykes is more than just smokin' hot. She's sassy and bitchy and cynical and smarter than you and would rank your mother and is funnier than you and she becomes the comedic center of any scene she's in...and that gives men boners. Extra large boner. XXL-Bs. But today, those boners fly at half mast. Perhaps not so much fly as 'hang' really. You've left us, Wanda. But our loss is all of femalehood's gain.

So if you see our wives, Wanda --seriously, go to town. We're giving you permission and you're welcome. Do whatever you girls do in your special private place especially that thing I've seen in movies where you both stick your tongues way out of your mouth and wiggle them together really fast. Just roll your eyes afterwards...for the men!