You may not have heard because it's not really being covered by the news, but the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act has been passed! And--this is the awesome part--telecom immunity.

That means that corporations and the government can watch what you do without being held responsible. Which means your safety is always secure. Because who gives a shit about those other people, right? You've got nothing to hide and 9/11 was really scary.

If you're reading this U.S. Government--and I know you are since I just Googled "Terrorist Child Porn Gay Black People"--I've got some advertising pitches which might help the few doubting Thomases realize that FISA is meant to protect innocent people from themselves, not hurt them.

Here we go:

Call me, Uncle Sam. You already know the number.