Dear Barack,

Hey, man. Happy Birthday! We, the media, wish you many, many more in our spotlight.

How's the big day been? Have any cake? We love cake. Did you get any photos? If you did, please send them to us! We'd love to post them!

So what do we give the man who has everything and is everything we could ever want? We searched around our offices and found what we think might be the perfect thing for you:

You're welcome!

That's right! Kill a puppy, cheat on your wife, or even change your mind on FISA! Just wave this around and we'll get a shot of you hugging a poor person!

Happy Birthday!

We Love You,

The Media

P.S. -- We're just kidding with about this whole birthday joke thing. We've got to show we're fair and stuff, you know? We hope this is alright. If it's not, let us know and we'll take them down.