After Senator John McCain's surprising VP pick, speculation has been fervent regarding McCain's other staffing choices. Luckily for you, I've discovered (read: stolen) these revealing notes in John McCain's files.

Editor's (read: thief's) note: Scrawled across top of the page are the words "Who would a Maverick pick?"

Secretary of State
This should be someone really smart who's traveled a lot, so ideally that guy from No Reservations on the travel channel. He's tough, he gives it to you straight, and he escaped from Hezbollah. Plus, he once ate a whole goddamn cobra. Top that, Albright.

Secretary of the Treasury
If Scrooge McDuck is unavailable, find out if Bruce Wayne is interested. Either way, make sure they haven't voted in years and hate politics. We'd hate to have a cabinet full of Washington insiders who love their jobs.

Secretary of Defense
Okay, I know a lot about the armed forces, so in order to really balance out this ticket we should probably appoint someone who knows as little about war as possible. Call Cindy Sheehan's people and see if she's available. The public would never see that one coming! Do I hear a "Maverick move?"

Attorney General
Is this some kind of lawyer? I think its' a lawyer. Ask Wolfowitz if he knows any. Is he one?

Secretary of the Interior
My wife handles most of the decorating; I don't see why we should mess with a good thing.

Secretary of Labor
Well, it looks like my running mate is the secretary of labor! Get it? Because of all her kids? Seriously though, we need someone who can fight the union bosses and the special interest groups and still look like a real maverick: I know we already tapped Bruce Wayne for treasury, but I don't see why he couldn't do this one as Batman. Nobody would even notice, as long as he kept talking like a forty-a-day smoker whenever he was wearing the Bat outfit.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs
This is a very important department for me, as I'm sure everyone is aware, and I want to appoint someone who is sure to take care of us Veterans, while still being a surprising, unlikely and, dare I say it, "Maverick" choice! So after much laborious, difficult, and inconvenient thinking, I've decided to go with Alan Alda. That's right, because he was on M*A*S*H*. Who better?