How to Get Over a Break-Up in Three Easy Steps Nicholas Stoller | Bio

We've all been dumped. It's what you do after you get dumped that makes all the difference. Along with a phalanx of social scientists, psychiatrists, psychologists and Dr. Phil, I have devised an easy three-step process to getting over an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend.

Just follow these three simple rules and your life will return to normal. No more crying at home alone. No more thoughts that you're just never going to find another partner. No more fears that you're over thirty and all the eligible men and woman have already been taken. Even the ones who, like five years ago, you wouldn't have touched with a ten-foot condom-covered pole. The only one left is that guy/girl who's kind of crazy. Not fun crazy. Like has a purse/manpurse full of Saltines crazy. Like has definite opinions about how 9/11 could not have happened with just commercial airplanes. Like the kind of person who throws around the word Zionist, and not as a way of describing an international political movement that regards the Jews as a national entity and seeks to preserve that entity. Even if these fears of permanent soul-crushing aloneness are founded. Even if you're right to think this way. Even if you do never meet a person as amazing as that person again. Who knows? You might be right. Maybe the man or woman who just dumped you was the love of your life. Maybe they are better than you and you deserved to get dumped. Maybe that amazing, deep and fantastic sex you had will never be replicated -- not even by a $5,000 a night "escort" with a MySpace music page. Maybe you'll never find the right person again. Or at least not a person as right or as good or as pretty or as exciting or as kind or as generous of spirit as this perfect ex- girlfriend/ex-boyfriend. Homosapiens are mammals first and foremost. If you have a gut instinct, for example if you think you are hungry, then that means you are indeed hungry. If you feel tired, then that means your body needs sleep. If a man comes up to you on the sidewalk and you feel scared, most likely you are right to be scared. Even if that man is coming up to you to ask directions and is a tourist and has a family with him, you are right to think this urban-looking man is dangerous. Even if you're pretty sure he's Al Roker. (Especially if he's Al Roker.) If you feel that you will never ever in a million years get over a break up and even if you do you will never meet someone as great as your ex, you are right. If you feel that your ex, despite his/her protestations that there is no one else, is definitely hooking up/dating/marrying/already pregnant with a child sired by your best friend/sister/brother/father/grandfather/Al Roker, you are right. Totally and completely right. Do not doubt this gut instinct. Your first and most common mistake will be to doubt this gut instinct, to think "I am feeling better" or "Today is a new day" or "There are other fish in the sea." There might be other fish in the sea, but they are already otherwise engaged/fucking other, hotter, smarter, richer fish. You are correct to think that you are a loser. Or, if not a loser, at least someone who loses at most things. Which is why it is important to follow these three simple steps:

1. Smile.
2. Believe in yourself.
3. To get the third amazing step that will change your life forever, send check or money order to Nicholas Stoller via this website. Paypal and cash also accepted.