This week's polls show John McCain running behind both Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. As the Republican Party looks to strengthen their presumptive nominee's polling numbers, I have a hunch the GOP is gearing up for a battle of biblical proportions this November. When presumptive nominees McCain and Obama square off in the general election, it's likely the GOP will portray Obama as a Muslim who spent twenty years in a church led by a radical, anti-American Pastor.

Why would a Muslim join a church? Shh....It doesn't matter, he's Muslim and Muslims aren't Americans. Everyone knows the only thing more American than the freedom of religion is Jesus Christ, but he's dead. Luckily for the GOP, they don't seem to mind settling for watered down versions of Conservative figureheads∗. So unless the Republicans can resurrect Christ before November, I believe the GOP solution lies in selecting Florida Governor Charlie Crist to be John McCain's running mate. Sure, Crist isn't Christ, but that doesn't mean a few well placed advertisements won't be able to convince some voters that the letter 'H' disappeared during a turbulent resurrection.

Check out these 5 reasons Florida's Governor Crist is the obvious choice for GOP VP.

1. Amazing tan brings back questions about whether or not Obama is black enough.
2. He's one letter away from Christ, making him 83% Messianic.
3. Already proved he can disenfranchise Democratic voters during the primary season.
4. If you think geriatric Jews were confused by a butterfly ballot in 2000, wait until you see their faces when they choose between a guy named Crist and a black guy.
5. Nothing says Republican, like a potential gay sex scandal.

∗ See Mitt Romney as Ronald Reagan, See Condi Rice as Colin Powell, See George W. Bush as George H.W. Bush