On top of the $250,000 in home repairs that led to an indictment of Republican Senator Ted Stevens, a further co-investigation by the Alaskan Highway Patrol and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police uncovered a secret slush fund. A can of instant Folgers coffee hidden away in a crawl space being turned into a media room which had a duct tape label reading "Oil $$$, STAY OUT XXX" in black marker.

$9,437.68 remained, along with a hand-written itemized list and a personal note.

The following is a list of receipts from the desk of Ted Stevens.

Dear Senator T.S.,

Don't forget to have secretary expense this to senatorial accounting staff. Also, bridge game to nowhere this Friday in McCain's office, bring hot dish. Salmon puffs?

1) Five vials of Alexander Supertramp's unused anecdote.

2) 50 commemorative T-shirts with slogan: "I laid the pipe in Alaska."

3) $742 in single dollar-bills, housed at Salty Dog bar in Homer. Reminder, take only five at a time!!!!

4) Stethoscope, X-ray machine and speculum, sold to Fleischman, Joel, M.D.

5) Two cases of "Seward's Folly" sno-globes.

6) Six moose-lined Army surplus pea coats. No XLs left.

7) One cubic zirconia-encrusted black satin eye mask, stitching to read: I Caught 40 Winks in the Midnight Sun.

8) Five signed copies of Jewel's Chasing Down the Dawn.

9) Collection of homemade hardcore Inuit porn DVDs for Charlie Crist's bachelor party. Invite uphill gardener?

10) E.L. "Bob" Bartlett Bobblehead dolls.

11) One official leather-bound copy of the Slattery Report. Emboss with Star of David? Call AIPAC.

12) One case, Iditarod buckwheat pancake "mush."

13) Mr. Chocolate throw rug.

Value of items: $4,276.50

Send bill for: $34,798.99

Sincerely,

Uncle Ted