With the presidential transition firmly under way, it's time to finally discuss the 8-to10-inch elephant in the room: Where does Barack Obama fall on the presidential penis size scale?

Obviously, information on the size of presidential penii is scant--the records of it hidden in the same underground vault in the Library of Congress that includes files explaining what really happened at Roswell and who shot JFK--which means we have to make generalized assumptions on facts what we know. Up until the current President Erect (see what we did there?), that meant we had to use the man's height to come up with our projected penis size, but because of this historic election we now have one more fact to consider: race. (Good thing Hillary didn't win, or we'd be in a precarious situation.) So without further adieu, here are your projected top five...

5th place: Barack Obama
Unfortunately for the half-Kenyan, there is scientific proof that average penis size is not affected by race, contrary to popular belief. But if that's the case then why does Obama rank 5th even though he's only the 9th tallest president? Because we already have photograph evidence of what Obama's carrying into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

4th place: George Washington
Have you seen the Washington Monument? A stout 6-foot-2--just a half-inch shorter than our next entry on the list--Washington's gums weren't the only place on his body that was constantly sporting wood.

3rd place: Bill Clinton
His "off the field" exploits are well known, but what do they mean? It's hard to tell if his "on the prowl" attitude is proof of Slick Willie living by the code of Theodore Roosevelt, or if he's overcompensating for a Little Rock. We're going to go with the former just because he ranks number three all time in presidential height. Plus, Monica Lewinsky looks like she has a pretty big mouth.

2nd place: Abraham Lincoln
The sad thing for Obama is that he's not even the largest president from the great state of Illinois; that honor goes to Lincoln, our nation's tallest president 6-foot-3-and-3/4 inches tall. One thing we know Honest Abe never had to lie about was the size of his Lincoln Log.

1st place: Warren G. Harding
A shocker, until you realize he had a size-14 shoe, the largest ever for someone working in the nation's highest office. After spending time with him, there was no way ladies could hope for a "return to normalcy."