4:33p Film opens with the telling of a legend. People were hungry and restless cause there were no animals to hunt. We kind of feel like this movie is going to be about global warming. The Day After 10,000 B.C.?

4:34p Only time can teach us time? Ricky could care less about any of this already.

4:35p We're inside a mystical tent where all the people are dressed in thick warrior make-up and hot pre-civilized thongs. It reminds us of that Richard Dreyfus movie in which he makes up a fake tribe to save his anthropology career. (Thanks, TBS.)

4:36p Old mystical woman reads the future by interpreting little lost girl's thoughts in intense tent ceremony. (What? Wait, were our ancestors magic?) Turns out four-legged demons will put end to their world, but a warrior will come and protect them and fall in love with the little girl. Screenwriter turns Final Draft on auto-write.

4:37p The men (who all look like Adam Duritz from the counting crows) go to hunt woolly mammoths. Instead of stabbing them, they do complex and fruity interpretive dances in front of the beasts. (Trying to bore them to death?) The men also speak native language instead of English for first time, cause apparently they are afraid the glorified elephants will understand them





4:38p The men are running (and dancing) through fields. It seems Roland Emmerich and his special effects team broke into the 23/6 conference room in the middle of the night and used our make shift green screen. We kind of think this looks like a joke Ben Stiller movie within a movie, or one of those Oscar montages where Billy Crystal is inserted into the best picture nominees.




4:39p Little boy getting picked on cause his father supposedly abandoned tribe. Adult breaks it up. The mystical girl with the blue eyes goes up to boy and says "we are both alone" and he says "that light in the sky is like you in my heart." Whoa. You guys just met. You are coming on seriously strong.

4:40p 10,000 B.C. title card--Ricky says, "we know."

4:42p We leave the movie. Our first walk out. We feel conflicted--movie was so horribly bad, but did we let our readers down?

5:30p We're in Alex's apartment watching Hot Rod on demand. It's somehow better than the first ten minutes of 10,000 B.C. We are over our aforementioned inner conflictedness. We think you get us.