Okaaaay. Let me see if I've got this straight. Everyone agrees the air quality in Beijing is so bad it may inhibit the Olympic athletes, not only during their performance, but in the days before their events. Everyone also agrees that one reasonable response to this situation is for the athletes to wear masks when they are outdoors. For these reasons, the Olympic cycling and swimming teams distributed masks to their members before they flew to China.

What you are not supposed to do, apparently, is wear your mask in the Beijing airport. Because if you do that, your image, which perfectly symbolizes the atrocity of the poor air quality in Beijing and the travesty of the decision to hold the games there, might be captured by the media and spread around the world as a symbol of the atrocity of the poor air quality in Beijing and the travesty of the decision to hold the games there. In which case, you will be pressured into issuing a somewhat humiliating apology to local Olympic organizers.

Not for wearing your mask, mind you, but for wearing your mask at the airport. Alternatively, you might be apologizing for unintentionally offending the delicate sensibilities of the Olympic organizers, who don't like being reminded that their capital city is a wheezing, soot-choked ash-pit. Maybe you are apologizing for something else? Who knows?

But since when did wearing a mask in an airport require an apology? In my book, if the air is so bad that you reasonably think you might have to wear a mask, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR WEARING THE MASK.

Even if there's no air problem, it's a ridiculous thing to apologize for, right? Ohhhh . . . local Olympic organizers, I'm so, so sorry! I didn't mean to offend your delicate sensibilities by WEARING A MASK in an AIRPORT! Excuse me while I just put on my "Free Tibet" t-shirt.

The idea that people shouldn't have to apologize for how they accessorize should go double for Olympic athletes, whose bodies are delicate instruments. These people have needs. What are we doing to do if the Winter Olympics are held in a particularly cold climate? Make them apologize for wearing extra-warm coats?

Plus, can we all agree that, justified or not, the Olympic cyclists wearing those masks in the Beijing airport looked a bit dorky? Why should they have to compound their embarrassment by groveling? Wasn't it enough that they looked sort of ridiculous? These Chinese Olympic organizers are tough.

I'm a big fan of the Summer Olympics, mainly because I like watching gorgeous people with perfect musculature do bendy things, especially at high speed and with very little clothing. The women's high jump is basically heaven on earth as far as I'm concerned, and don't even ask me about the pole vault.

But these games sort of seem like a bit of a corporate and political sell-out. Suck it, IOC! You seem to have screwed this up. I just hope the biggest records set in the games aren't for air quality or human rights violations, or the amount of pollutants emitted. It should not be too much to ask.