The recent Daily News report that Roger Clemens had a lengthy affair with country singer Mindy McCready has got the entire sports world buzzing about who actually reads The Daily News. To this date, all known Daily News subscribers are paper-training pet owners who simply refuse to lay down their outdated copies of the Village Voice. My best guess is that some homeless guy stumbled across the piece before making it his bed/toilet paper.

Regardless of how the story was discovered, it doesn't change the (debatable) validity of its claims: Roger Clemens had a 10-year affair with country music star Mindy McCready, starting when she was 15. How about that?! 10 years. That isn't your run of the mill cheat on your wife with the pool boy sort of fling. It's a relationship. A really, really long relationship. My parents couldn't even stay together for the full grand slam breakfast during which I was conceived, let alone stick it out for 10 years. That's a decade. A lifetime for a Yorkshire terrier. A steroid era and a half. Say what you will about Mr. Clemens, he is faithfully committed to cheating on his wife.

Nevermind how long the relationship lasted, my favorite part about this story is that Clemens claims their relationship was completely platonic. Like that's better?! What was she, his besty? Were they B.F.F.A.E.A.E.? Did they go to the mall together and play dream phone during sleepovers? Maybe they just kicked it outside the movie theater, talking about boys and drinking slurpees. Fact is, the only thing creepier than a 28-year-old star pitcher trying to bone a 15-year-old country music star is a 28-year-old star pitcher not trying to bone a 15-year-old country music star. Perhaps Roger should think twice before taking legal advice from a man named Rusty Hardin, whose name suggests he was far better suited as a NASCAR driver or porn star (or both). This is not to undermine the 'we were just friends' defense. People love grown men who befriend children. Just look at Michael Jackson. He played that card and is now living the dream in the court of public opinion. Why not follow suit?

"MacLeod: Clemens Strikes Again"- Globe and Mail
"Report: Ex-wife of golfer John Daly also linked to Roger Clemens"- Chicago Tribune
"Roger Clemens' country and eastern song"- USA Today