The Academy Award nominations for 2008 films will be announced on Thursday; the following are the most likely contenders. Good luck to them all:


Grandpa Racist T. Crotchetypants and His Magical Redemption Gun

Three Hours of "Gump"-Taste-Tested Syrup From Dead Author Who Did It Better in 20 Pages

The Cutest Eco-Friendly Robot Lecture Ever Ever Ever!

1950s Suburban Drones Courtesy of Genius Filmmakers Who Have Not Lost Their Souls Unlike All of You

Superhero Adaptation #624, In Case Fanboys Didn't Whack Off to the Previous 623

Superhero Adaptation #758, With Extra Brooding

Rehab Bitch Crashes the Multicultural Wedding of Masturbatory Wonderfulness

Feel-Great Mumbai Poverty Panorama in a Variety of Swirling Colors

Forgotten Actor's Comeback in Role of His Screwed-Up Lifetime

Holocaust Memories + Kate Winslet's Ass = Artistic Boner

Angelina Jolie Suffers Mightily While Her Lips Remain Shiny and Succulent Through the Entire Great Depression

Bond. James Zzzz...

Gays in Office? Next They'll Want Marital Rights

Tricky Dick's Syndicated Penance, With Limited Politically Resonant Commercial Interruptions

Lonely Professor Bongo Learns to Live

Woody Allen's Latest Ode to Hot Women He Can't Fuck

Pulitzer Play-Turned-Movie Acting Clinic, With No Actual Actors From the Original Play Because That Would Be Ridiculous